[edisky]

That's what I thought. But what puzzles me is that you went and bought a vibrator. You don't want to have sex with him, but you do want to use something else? How do you think that makes him feel?



I thought the whole point of your post was that you DIDN"T want to.



So he IS sexually satisfying you.

I dunno from what you are saying, the problem lies in that you don't find him attractive anymore and that you would rather fulfill your needs on your own.

You can't blame him for not wanting to go down on you. Some women don't like giving head.

Has he put on weight? Has he altered his appearance? If you still have a sex drive, it doesn't have to do with having a child.

Counseling, my dear. Counseling.

ok.the problem is... of course i didn't lose my sexuality yet.and of course we do have sex.don't get me wrong.i just don't want to if i don't have to.here is what i'm saying...i do not get excited and get wet just kissing each other after 10 years.i use lubricator with my husband in order to get wet but with the vibrator i don't even have to use it because i get excited right away even when i touch it if i do everything that makes him satisfied, i expect the same thing from him. at least he needs to try. he doesn't into counseling btw.

[edisky]

That's what I thought. But what puzzles me is that you went and bought a vibrator. You don't want to have sex with him, but you do want to use something else? How do you think that makes him feel?



I thought the whole point of your post was that you DIDN"T want to.



So he IS sexually satisfying you.

I dunno from what you are saying, the problem lies in that you don't find him attractive anymore and that you would rather fulfill your needs on your own.

You can't blame him for not wanting to go down on you. Some women don't like giving head.

Has he put on weight? Has he altered his appearance? If you still have a sex drive, it doesn't have to do with having a child.

Counseling, my dear. Counseling.

No he has not put on weight. he and i go to the gym 2-3 days a week and we pay attention to our health and appearences.

[edisky]

Or maybe should I tell him I don't find him attractive anymore. But I love him and I don't want to hurt him. This is a very big deal and should be told after I try everything. What do you guys think? Should I say directly?

[nightqueen]

It sounds like you are unhappy because you satisfy him, and he does not satisfy you. And, because he doesn't satisfy you, you don't want to have sex with him. That makes sense, why would you?? 10 years and he hasn't gone down on you?? That makes me wonder how much time he really takes with you. Try the counseling again. Good luck.

[Hopeless Dork]

Or maybe should I tell him I don't find him attractive anymore. But I love him and I don't want to hurt him. This is a very big deal and should be told after I try everything. What do you guys think? Should I say directly?

No. You shouldn't. If a woman came in this forum broken hearted and devistated after a conversation with her husband of 10 years that ended with "I don't want to have sex with you because I am not longer finding you attractive" we would all be appauled. APPAULED.

Think for one minute how it would feel for you to hear those words and how it would effect your emotional well-being and think again.

I don't see how you could have ever found him attractive to begin with and then now suddenly don't. I agree with the other posters that it must be some other emotion that is clouding your judgement of attraction to him.

Either that or you were never really attracted to him in the first place. And if thats the case, why turn that into a dealbreaker now?

[edisky]

Does every guy likes to go down on their gf or wives or touch that area? Do I expect too much?

[Theresa]

My DH is just like yours. I believe the situations is fixable.

I have tried lingerie, porn, toys and giving him anything he wants in bed and he still does not take care of me in bed like I wish he would. However.....I am not giving up.

If I want him to do something that makes me feel good I tell him. I don't ask him!! And I will keep telling him until I am blue in the face or he does it. My husband is not confident in bed but together we will make it work.

I know it is frustrating. I long for oral and/or fingering. I guess any foreplay would be a treat but I know it will happen. I can't wait for that day. Everybody here will hear me screaming with enjoyment!!!!!!

He is a great husband and father and I will never give him up!!!

[OG612]

Agreed.
But for the love of God...for the sake of your child, exhaust all options before you make a decision.

What's best for the child? Growing up in a passionless household? Or growing up between two different parents who, while not living together, are very amicable and friendly, while also fulfilling their own lives with different partners?

I'm glad my parents got divorced when they did. Granted it sucked (I was 9 or 10), but I see it as very beneficial from the passive-aggressiveness that was filling the house in between fights. All of my cousins, on the other hand, all have very fulfilling relationships with their spouses and children because their parents never lost that passion and weren't afford to show it. I remember my Uncle Mike and Aunt Carol, while deep in to their 50s, were just as much in love then as they were at 18. It was cute to see them together. Unfortunately Carol died June 2008 from a lifelong battle with anorexia.

But her three kids could not be happier. My other six cousins are all in very passionate relationships and their kids have the best possible environment to grow up in because their parents aren't afraid to show their love for each other.

Edisky, not every man likes going down on his woman just like not all women like going down on their men. I personally love the way a woman on a healthy diet who also exercises tastes; especially if she's eating a lot of fruit like strawberries, peaches, or pineapple. Also, if you don't shave down there, try it. The lack of hair keeps odors from being absorbed and staying there. I won't go down on a woman who's not properly shaved. I say "shaved" because waxing can cause boils. If she tastes right, I've been known to go down on a woman for 90 minutes (personal record ).

OG

[Hopeless Dork]

Unfortunately ... no, not all men like to go down on their s.o's. Mine is eager and willing to do anything that pleases me, and mostly I think its because I please him so very much.

Barring hygiene issues, which you sound like a sensible woman and I am sure you address those properly, it could be that he doesn't understand how much that would please you, it could be that he had a bad experience, it could be that he feels he doesn't know how to do it right, it could be the he has an aversion to the act or has some pre-conceived notions of it being bad in some kind of way.

Have you talked to him about it and told him you'd like to feel him kiss you there? Do you practice oral sex on him?

[edisky]

Unfortunately ... no, not all men like to go down on their s.o's. Mine is eager and willing to do anything that pleases me, and mostly I think its because I please him so very much.

Barring hygiene issues, which you sound like a sensible woman and I am sure you address those properly, it could be that he doesn't understand how much that would please you, it could be that he had a bad experience, it could be that he feels he doesn't know how to do it right, it could be the he has an aversion to the act or has some pre-conceived notions of it being bad in some kind of way.

Have you talked to him about it and told him you'd like to feel him kiss you there? Do you practice oral sex on him?

yes i practice oral sex when we have sex.i like it though.on the other hand i want him to go down on me just because he likes it not because i force him to do it.what's the big deal?i had boyfriends before him and never had that situtation or i just met guys who loved going down on a woman or touch their woman i guess.maybe you are right,maybe he doesn't do how to do it.btw, i'm a very hygen person.i shave it all the time.some other bf's told me that i had great taste before i got married him.i don't know what he thinks.when we have sex,i know the steps that he will do.kisses,touches(not under my belly part of course) then he puts his penis inside of me.after 15 minutes, we're done.no excitement whatsoever.