[stressed]

Just where are all these women with all these piles of sex toys, who get so much out of them that they don't want a man? Where are all the men who complain about not getting any because she's so busy with her toys? I haven't heard of any.

Exactly. And you know why we haven't heard of any of those? Because there are none. Why is it so abnormal for men to realize that women also want variety but they want to share it with their men and not an actor on a computer screen? What is healthier and better for both, the former or the latter? Women are always supposed to have time for their men when they want sex, but when women ask them to put away the porn and focus on them they come across as insane.

I haven't seen a single man, in any forum, anywhere, complaining that he comes back from work, wants sex, but his wife turns him down because she was using a vibrator for an hour. It is exactly this view of "men want variety, women don't" that makes men think it's alright to do as they please.

I just don't get it.

[sourpuss]

Just where are all these women with all these piles of sex toys, who get so much out of them that they don't want a man? Where are all the men who complain about not getting any because she's so busy with her toys? I haven't heard of any.

I've known a lot of women in my years on the planet and I can't say I've ever met one like that. A lot of my friends are single and sex toys are a last resort and something that most women are embarrassed to even go buy. So having hoards of them and ignoring the possibility of a man in their life seems pretty far fetched.

[Little]

Porn and sex toys are VERY different ways to the same mean.
One of them is placing a physical picture/video of another person in front of you and having you stimulate yourself ... and possibly even fantasize yourself into the situation ... with another person.
The other is having a physical object stimulate you. Doesn't require fantasy - it's vibrating or penetrating, it's right in the good spot, you don't need much else. Personally, I don't "get anything extra" out of my toy ... though I use it seldom. But when I *was* in a relationship where my man refused to satisfy me, the toy (that I got for the express purpose of not exploding with frustration) just didn't get it like an intimate partner could have.
A toy - like porn - should not be able to replace intimate relations with your partner, and that is where the line is drawn in my mind. Others have different opinions on the line they should be drawing with alternative ways to orgasm. Some even think you shouldn't masturbate in a relationship - and that's their choice!
But if 3 years of WH has taught me ANYTHING, it's that everyone will NEVER EVER agree on a porn thread. It may be great conversation if you're new but at this point the vets say "yawn." And we're tired of moderating this kind of thread when it gets out of line :P So let's behave, folks.

[Hopeless Dork]

Here. Here. I agree. Women that are so sexual they are using sex toys... generally appreciate when they their man wants to have sex with them. Its not that guys don't get denied sex by their woman - OH THEY DO. But its usually not because she'd rather masturbate.

Its way more frustrating to a partner when they know their lover HAS a drive, but chooses not to share it, because its insult to injury. The lack of intimacy causes injury, but knowing they are spending their energy elsewhere is the insult.

I've yet to EVER, or even fathom, a woman so sexual she's using her vibe...knowing her man is in the other room desiring her body just going , meh, I'd rather stay in the computer room and use my vibe gQ models.

[Hopeless Dork]

But just to add I do understand why the use of a vibe could upset a guy as much as the use of porn can upset a woman -- but the reasons are usually different.

I'm just saying that generally a woman that masturbates, wants sex, prefers sex and is still able to perform sexually after masturbation.

Some guys can masturbate all day long and still want their partner , some can't.

Its all individual. But I just felt the need to chime in on the fact I've never heard of a woman that would deny sex with their partner for the sole purpose of saving energy to masturbate later, or because their needs were met prior by masturbating.

[Guest]

Its all individual. But I just felt the need to chime in on the fact I've never heard of a woman that would deny sex with their partner for the sole purpose of saving energy to masturbate later, or because their needs were met prior by masturbating.

Which isn't what I was saying at all, even though that sort does exist. We've seen more than a few posts about it. I could dig em up, but you lot can search just fine. Additionally, I'd post some threads from other places on the internet, but outbound links aren't allowed here. Just because you choose not to see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist, guys.

If my post was read correctly, and not jumped on by WC, (it's ok, I do sympathize with your situation...a man with calluses on his hands is just plain sad) one would have seen that I was talking about the hundreds and thousands of women who have physically desensitized themselves by use of their sex toys....so much so that their willing partner *CANNOT* sexually satisfy them.

Where are they? Hrm...a quick read through the thousands of posts here will unearth several.

Phew...tough crowd here. This porn thing really gets to you guys.

[Hopeless Dork]

Phew...tough crowd here. This porn thing really gets to you guys.

It does, doesn't it?

For the men out there that think its harmelss to their s.o even when she complains, that think women that get hurt by it are just being silly, it's a guy thing, get over it... If they had any idea the emotional turmoil it causes a lot of women -- would they see it differently? Or would their needs still come first, probably the latter. Human nature, self -first yada yada.

I do think women get de-sensitized by overuse of vibes in the same way men get de-sensitized to intimacy by overuse of porn. Both have that in common thread in harm to a relationship.

A man might feel insecure about his ability to please his lover, his penis size etc.. when she uses a vibe often and doesn't experience as much pleasure with him, I can see that.

But a woman will feel insure from the color/lenght of her hair, her weight, her breasts, her eye color, her skin tone, her shape, her rear (oh wait is it too small? Does he prefer bigger butts? no he wants smaller right? oh no i get, he wants variety butt -- well dang it. I only have ONE butt).. are my positions wild enough... are they too wild? blah blah blah..

It can break you trying to compare yourself to their visual stimulation of choice.

[Guest]

Far fetched?

Doesn't exist?

C'mon guys...this search took 2 mins.

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/19894-my-wife-masturbates-after-she-thinks-im-asleep.html

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/20838-my-wife-chooses-masturbation-over-me.html

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/18814-girlfriend-fiancee-masturbates-while-im-home.html

[Fallen1]

But a woman will feel insure from the color/lenght of her hair, her weight, her breasts, her eye color, her skin tone, her shape, her rear (oh wait is it too small? Does he prefer bigger butts? no he wants smaller right? oh no i get, he wants variety butt -- well dang it. I only have ONE butt).. are my positions wild enough... are they too wild? blah blah blah..

I get tired of this excuse also. He "wants" is the key word here. Variety is not a need it is a want. A man will not die if he's stuck with the same old woman the rest of his life.

Yes, this is a very touchy subject with me also.

[Guest]

I get tired of this excuse also. He "wants" is the key word here. Variety is not a need it is a want. A man will not die if he's stuck with the same old woman the rest of his life.

Yes, this is a very touchy subject with me also.

Call it an excuse if you'd like. Debate it all day if it makes you feel better.

It is what it is.

With all due respect- what is your "excuse" for staying with someone who continues to engage in activities that you don't find agreeable? That women have "nurturing" instincts?

Well I guess there are two gender specific character flaws.

You may not understand it, you may not like it. But it's the truth. You keep asking...we keep telling, but no one is listening.

There are those that can control it, and a lot that can't.

Find someone that can control their urges if you don't like it. You're gonna drive yourself crazy otherwise.