[rcoreyus]

But of course since so many otherwise honest men will lie about it, and caring men will risk losing the woman they love over it, it must be very important to men as well.

I'm starting to think that someone should write a program to act as a compatibility test that people can take before they get involved. The answers would be secret, only the final compatibility score. There would be a "is watching porn important to you", and a "are you content to live with someone who watches porn". Then if the the answer to the first is "yes" and to the second is "no", both would be warned that they are not compatible.

There could lots of questions to cover all the usual problem spots: oral sex, kinkiness, open relationships, bisexuality, etc. Maybe you answer each on a 1-5 scale of 1 = not acceptable, and 5 means I won't enter a relationship without it.

hm....maybe a new business idea......

That's my point rcoreyus, it sure seems like an issue for being such a 'non issue' doesn't it? Its obviously something that rips some womens guts or it wouldn't be brought up so often as a source of hurt and problems.

So instead of ppl saying its not a big deal, there are bigger deals why not look the fact its obviously a big deal to many.

[Hopeless Dork]

That is a good idea, problem with that is people change over time, especially in their sexuality. So while one may feel porn doesn't bother her at first... and answer no, porn doesn't bug me and the guy thinks they have a match -- later on she may realize it does in fact bother her.

I feel like I am in that boat. When I was single I didn't have a problem with porn, when friends of mine would talk about being angry at an SO over porn I would roll my eyes in my mind. Thinking, ugh, get over it.

When I started dating my boyfriend I was still of that mind set... It wasn't til porn started to feel more important than me, interchangable and sometimes even preffered over me that I developed a bad taste in my mouth over it.

And even though he's stopped that, and has started treating me like the most important thing, and much prefered over porn... all those doubts and insecurities that were instilled in me then, all that hurt over it... still sours me when the issue of porn comes up.

Me and him watch it together occasionally, I know, even with all my hurt over it, I still do it. And am the one to inniciate those nights we do it. We usually don't make it through much of the movie anyway... but I feel like I have to force myself to do that.. he doesn't ask to do it, he says he doesn't care if we ever do that.. but like mes t mentioned a while back -- I try so hard to want to be okay with it... I really do. I wish more than anything it didn't hurt my feelings... but at the end of the day , it always does.

If I have to fight my instinct to be hurt by it... Its making me wonder if the way I feel about it is not wrong afterall.

[newhere808]

That's probably the easiest question to answer out of the bunch. If porn does hurt someone's feelings, then yes, their partner should most definitely care.

Even though I've tried to explain in previous posts why very many men look at porn and what it does and does not mean to them, I also think that the attraction of porn is so insignificant that no man should have problems giving it up if his girlfriend or wife felt hurt by him watching porn.

Of course, if he can't or won't give it up, that's something else, but in those cases I don't think the porn itself is to blame.. it's just a symptom of a larger problem, whether it'd be that he'd rather get off by himself than have sex, that he's selfish in general, or that she's unresponsive and porn is the only 'action' he's getting.

I totally agree, but I do still think that some women over react to it in their reasoning for hating it and in the way they regard men who watch it.

[noxe]

Hey guys. I just made an account here to reply to this thread. :P

As a woman, I have to disagree with this. It doesn't bother me if my boyfriend looks at porn. It never has. This doesn't mean I have low self-esteem or that I'm an idiot. I know men are visual creatures. If they feel like getting down and dirty and I'm not there for sex, it doesn't bother me that they look at porn. I have made naughty videos for my boyfriend that he watches and touches himself to, but it is ridiculous to ask him to watch the same x amount of videos every time. Some guys need a little more persuading. This doesn't mean he thinks I'm any less hot because he doesn't look at MY videos all the time.

If he didn't love me and didn't think I could fulfill his sexual desires, he would be out there having sex with OTHER WOMEN. Not me. As long as he is in my bed every night, and we have a healthy sex life, I'm fine with it. I know that I am enough for him and him enough for me, and that's all I need. Even though he is enough for me, I still look at porn. Why? Because its fun. Its arousing. I'm not thinking of that man's penis going into me specifically, I'm watching a sexual act that's arousing to see. It doesn't mean I'm fantasizing about the man in the video. Half the time you don't even see a lot of the guys in the videos ANYWAY. This doesn't make me a and it certainly doesn't mean my man can't please me. It is just something I enjoy, and many more men than women enjoy it, which is why some women can't understand it.

Does my viewpoint make you have a little more trust in your men, now? If they say they aren't thinking of having sex with the woman in the porno specifically, they probably aren't. And even if they are, its just a fantasy. It is perfectly fine to feel this away about men and porn, but it can be damaging to a relationship and you might not be meant to be together if your views are so strongly different. All in all, I don't think it means he doesn't love/lust after you.

It doesn't necessarily mean he relies on porn to get off, either. I know my man says that porn and sex are very different, and they are. Porn is all about the visual and the fantasizing. Sex has a whole new aspect to it - the touch. So just because guys see naked women a lot more often nowadays doesn't mean all of these women are touching their penises, y'know?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Confidence

[DomoChan]

My boyfriend uses a lot of porn and masturbates like at least 4-6 times a week, I strongly love and lust for him and I think about him often. Every time I see him I want to just jump on him. But as much as I want him his stamina is low, and when we do have sex it's only for a while an then he's all limp. Now recently I got highly upset at my boyfriend because we had sex twice on one day (which i thought was good), but the next day he's masturbating again. Now I know he tells me that it means nothing and he loves me and wants me but he's a big hentai fan (anime porn) and he really likes anime women (perfect bodies) and I always felt down about my own body. When he watches this I just KNOW he's visualizing about them, and it bothers me because he never calls me or anything to tell me how much he wants me, just jerks off and then moves on with his day happier (very happy) more so than if we have sex. The #1 excuse I hear is he's bored when he does it, or he randomly gets hard, which I know is true about randomly getting hard. When I asked guy friends I have though they all asked me is he crazy (cause I will go to him is he wants me, we live 5 mins apart). I don't know what to do but it plays on my confidence strongly. I don't feel like I'm enough. I enjoy porn from time to time but with my partner and me masturbating myself doesn't arouse me, i'll do it for him tho, just doesn't arouse me. This and other aspect are sexually tearing us apart and it's really making me hate male masturbation especially since prior i had a boyfriend that couldn't climax by me but only by masturbation.
That's my play on it, I understand if some people enjoy doing it but just think it's a addiction, and a bad one if your with someone who will give it to you any and all times ad it's very willingly.

[lowprofile]

misunderstood??

This is for my friend sinsterurge!!!!

Most of my points u misunderstood....
but before that i want to ask you that "complete freedom of choice could be possible in this world???" Even if we consider us "animals"...then we have to agree that we are social animals and we have to live in a society and for the civil society , we have to make restrictions and rules.....

You may say that freedom is allowed until it will not hurt or damage others.....
so my friend, I still believe that PORNography is hurting and damaging others in many ways.....physically and mentally and financially and ethically...it needs a big discussion and i m happy if you want in this forum...but if u want only....other wise I repect that u disagree....

you mentioned

It may be against your perception of dignity, but do not assume that your same values are held by everyone else. You do not get to choose what is or is not dignified for other people.

I do not know that how u got this impression that i am imposing my ideas on others OR i am assuming that others have same perception what I have?????

I just give my opinion in this forum...many people may have same perceptions but many may have not..I respect that....but please do not take my FREEDOM to express my opnion in this forum...

Happy, sexually fulfilled, and making more money than somebody with a Master's degree?

if you believe that to give sexual favour and earn money ...then what can I say.....it may means that any lady can give sexual favour in any field to get more money or favour or job...lady doctors should be allowed to give sexaual favour to their directors to get job .or or lady clerk or lady drivers ...u name it???

Sorry I do not believe this ...i am against prostitution because here u r getting money becuase of sexual favour...

in my opinion.(again it is my opinion..i m not imposing my ideas on others)..
sexual relation is between two loving couple to show their passion and to enjoy and finally for producing next generation...it is just like basic instinct that u sell food but you yourself not presented to earn money by just eating......

Group sex is actually quite common in the real world. It predates agriculture. You can find multiple-person sex in every highschool in the country (even the all same sex schools

I do not know from where u r getting this horrible news??? being involved in social work and working in an unversity i never have this data...may be u did not get my point...I wanted to mentioned that in pornography they are showing one girl and 4 men on a single girl...one man in vagina , one in anus , one in mouth and one in her hand????.....such group sex is COMMON????...PLEASE DONT TELL ME!!!!!!!!!

I don't stare at people kissing. Do you? And people who want to 'make love' have to do it in private or at designated areas where there are no children or non-interested bystanders. Anywhere else is illegal

i DO NOT UNDERSTAND HERE WHAT IS YOUR ARGUMENT?? i am saying the same thing what u r saying....that when we do not allow people to stare on kissing then why u allow the whole sexual intercourse show ...the actors are real people...and they are performing in front of big team and then we watch them on tv????

Many non-religious governments also execute political prisoners, start wars, invade other countries, tell people AIDS is cured with potatos, enforce eugenics. What does that have to do with the price of tea in China

again where I mentioned that these above things are RIGHT?? Yes they all wrong so is porngraphy......wrong stuff is wrong...all wrong stuff should be labelled wrong...u r right what u mentioned above are also wrong like pornography is wrong....

A healthy sexual culture includes pornography

No Sir/madam!!! I do not believe porngraphy is healthy and I do not think everybody is agree with my belief , but if one person change his/her belief...it is ok with me ..or anyone convince me logically and with data proof then I will try to change my view.....

true values of tolerance and freedom should be practised in arguments.

[Hopeless Dork]

In response to noxe:

I've always felt very much as you explain you feel. The first several months with my bf I'd occasionally see porn in his browser when I went to type things in the search browser and it NEVER bothered me. I didn't even think about it. I'd go out and pick up porn for us to watch on occasions, I felt completely fine with it. Before meeting him I'd watch porn out of curiousity too and get turned on sometimes.

It wasn't until our sex life dropped off but his porn habits didn't and in fact seemed to increase that I started getting upset about porn. When I'd inniciate sex and he'd say he was tired and the next day I'd see porn on the computer.

For a period in our relationship there were more days a week with porn on the computer and no sex between us than there were with us having sex. I began to see the pattern develop. On days we'd have sex, no porn on computer... on days we didn't have sex, porn on computer. So It did begin to feel like a rival at that point.

We worked on our issues , together, with communication and our sex life is better than its ever been and porn plays the most minor role these days, if at all.

But I just can't seem to be able to go back to the carefree way I was about porn prior to being made to feel secondary to it.

[Texinator]

I totally agree, but I do still think that some women over react to it in their reasoning for hating it and in the way they regard men who watch it.

It highlights an interesting difference between men and women. Forgetting for a minute about the men whose porn habits does interfere with their sex lives, even casual viewing can lead to conflict between a man and his girlfriend or wife. Why?

Some women feel that it is a sign that she isn't good enough for him. Why else would he want to look at another woman naked? Some feel that it is a form of cheating, that he should not be getting sexual pleasure from any woman other than her, not even someone on a computer or television screen.

Meanwhile, many men will think 'Huh?!' Because for them looking at porn is just a physical exercise and a means to an end, getting aroused. There is no emotional attachment or interest whatsoever. As such they also don't think of it as their girlfriend/wife not being good enough for them or as cheating.

That's probably why the arguments come about, because it is no big deal for many men and it is one for many women. Why don't the men stop then? Maybe because they see it so differently from the women and don't take them very seriously on this subject, because they can't relate to what the woman thinks.

[newhere808]

It highlights an interesting difference between men and women. Forgetting for a minute about the men whose porn habits does interfere with their sex lives, even casual viewing can lead to conflict between a man and his girlfriend or wife. Why?

Some women feel that it is a sign that she isn't good enough for him. Why else would he want to look at another woman naked? Some feel that it is a form of cheating, that he should not be getting sexual pleasure from any woman other than her, not even someone on a computer or television screen.

Meanwhile, many men will think 'Huh?!' Because for them looking at porn is just a physical exercise and a means to an end, getting aroused. There is no emotional attachment or interest whatsoever. As such they also don't think of it as their girlfriend/wife not being good enough for them or as cheating.

That's probably why the arguments come about, because it is no big deal for many men and it is one for many women. Why don't the men stop then? Maybe because they see it so differently from the women and don't take them very seriously on this subject, because they can't relate to what the woman thinks.

More than likely your right on the money, as that seems to be the issue behind several arguements that are prevailent between sexes, one is hurt by something and the other doesn't see why because of an unwillingness or inability to see/acknowledge the others stance on it, and that stems far beyond and arguement of the viewing porn.

Personally I see no wrong in some casual porn viewing, but if it bothered my SO, it would stop. There does however need to be a line in the expectation of doing/not doing something for the sake of the others feelings, that's where there needs to be mutual compromise and understanding.