[whit4488]

i think maybe its time to call it quits, if you were that desperate to think of texting another woman for the attention your wife isnt giving you, thats a red flag. you should have left when it came down to that. no sense of dragging this on and hoping for a change that may never happen. seek the attention your needing and DESERVE, because there are plenty of women out there who need and WANT to give it to you too

[Hopeless Dork]

This is exactly the way my wife feels. That if I start touching her...that I just want to get off. So when I do touch her, she completely shuts down and it just makes me not want to touch her at all. I will hold her hand from time to time, I could probably do that more often....But she could also touch me, which, no exaggeration, she never does. Everything sensual or sexual is always left up to me. If I don't do anything, she won't initiate. I'm tired of trying to guess what she wants and when, and asking her outright kind of defeats the purpose. I wish I could read her better..used to be able to.

Thats all vicious cycle stuff, troubled. Everytime you touch her, she thinks you want sex... so she shuts down so you stop touching her... until you want sex likely leading her to still associate one with the other.

She COULD touch you too... but if she doesnt it might be because she worries you may think it means sex, so her touching you would lead to sex.

Asking her, communication, could make all the difference IN THE WORLD. You say you used to be able to 'read' her better which implies you have always been guessing what she wants or doesn't and sometimes you've been better at it than others.

Its not fair to her or you when you guess how she feels, what she wants or what shes thinking on this topic or any. It doesn't defeat the purpose to ask her... it can lead to understanding.

[TroubledMan]

I'll reiterate I guess...I communicate with her, but she shuts her doors to me. She won't talk to any friends about this issue either because she thinks they won't understand. So she creates a place for herself where she is alone.
In the past, when I was touching her, and she decided to touch back, it did lead to sex. So I think that's where that pattern evolved. I wish she had been more honest with me about her needs, meaning, her need to not have sex at that moment, rather only touch or lay together.

[whit4488]

read the visitor message i wrote you back

[LanaBear]

intentionally pushing you away, if she wanted to have a healthy marriage, she would listen to your concerns and want to fix them.

That's not necessarily true. Just because I didn't want sex for 8-10 years with my husband didn't mean I didn't want a healthy marriage (thankfully my husband didn't give up on me after 5 years!). It meant I was selfish, I had no energy or desire to have sex. Things change, unfortunately, circumstances get in the way. He's admitted that there is stress due to finances, etc. That can very well effect her sex drive too.

But I don't think it is fair to her or him to suggest that she has no desire for a healthy marriage.

[TroubledMan]

That's not necessarily true. Just because I didn't want sex for 8-10 years with my husband didn't mean I didn't want a healthy marriage (thankfully my husband didn't give up on me after 5 years!). It meant I was selfish, I had no energy or desire to have sex. Things change, unfortunately, circumstances get in the way. He's admitted that there is stress due to finances, etc. That can very well effect her sex drive too.

But I don't think it is fair to her or him to suggest that she has no desire for a healthy marriage.

I know that she wants a healthy marriage just as much as I do. A person can't force themselves to feel a certain way and want certain things when they really don't want to. What I'm looking for is ways for her to change her thought process when it comes to me + intimacy. , maybe it's me who has to change...it's really the same concept. Are we stuck? I don't think I could stop desiring her no matter how hard I tried...I never considered it from that side. bleh..

[Rediscovered]

TM, I think your wife would "come around" if you would start giving her lots of undemanding touches.

And if she touches you back, relish that moment, then leave her be. Do not let it turn into a sexual moment. Take what she gives you and be happy with the touch for the touch alone.

If you could be giving in your touch without demanding, and a little bit "hard to get," I bet in a couple of weeks, she will be begging you to make love to her.

For example, you could walk up behind her, put your arms around her and kiss her neck, tell her you love her, then walk away and go do something else. It may take longer than a couple of weeks, but be patient and don't let yourself become greedy. Give, give, give.

I could be wrong, but I think you two have a chance to get back on track and become intimate again (mainly because you haven't been married that long and you are both still so young).

[LanaBear]

TM, I think your wife would "come around" if you would start giving her lots of undemanding touches.

And if she touches you back, relish that moment, then leave her be. Do not let it turn into a sexual moment. Take what she gives you and be happy with the touch for the touch alone.

If you could be giving in your touch without demanding, and a little bit "hard to get," I bet in a couple of weeks, she will be begging you to make love to her.

For example, you could walk up behind her, put your arms around her and kiss her neck, tell her you love her, then walk away and go do something else. It may take longer than a couple of weeks, but be patient and don't let yourself become greedy. Give, give, give.

I could be wrong, but I think you two have a chance to get back on track and become intimate again (mainly because you haven't been married that long and you are both still so young).

Completely agree. Right now, you have to try to push back your resentment of the situation a little bit (I know it is hard and not fair, but something that you may have to do).

Go back to square one. TALK with her in a civil manner. Tell her how much she means to you, but that you really need this to work.

Start sending her random texts, leaving her little notes here and there, like I said, go back to square one, the simple things.

[TroubledMan]

TM, I think your wife would "come around" if you would start giving her lots of undemanding touches.

And if she touches you back, relish that moment, then leave her be. Do not let it turn into a sexual moment. Take what she gives you and be happy with the touch for the touch alone.

If you could be giving in your touch without demanding, and a little bit "hard to get," I bet in a couple of weeks, she will be begging you to make love to her.

For example, you could walk up behind her, put your arms around her and kiss her neck, tell her you love her, then walk away and go do something else. It may take longer than a couple of weeks, but be patient and don't let yourself become greedy. Give, give, give.

I could be wrong, but I think you two have a chance to get back on track and become intimate again (mainly because you haven't been married that long and you are both still so young).

I will definitely give that a try. Although it won't be a surprise to her since shes been reading all of this. I sent her the link to lanabears blog entry, and she started reading these posts. Didn't take her long to figure out who I was
The fact that she knew only came out when I asked her if she had read my email, since she didn't respond. Now there is some tension. I think she feels like I went behind her back, and misrepresented some information. The texting with my co-worker was going on ~8-9 months ago, and she had sent me a mostly nude picture. I know that is still hurting her, and nothing I can say will heal that wound, only time. I just wish she could understand the reasons behind why that happened and talk to me about her feelings so we can move past it. She is very protective of her feelings.

[TroubledMan]

Completely agree. Right now, you have to try to push back your resentment of the situation a little bit (I know it is hard and not fair, but something that you may have to do).

Go back to square one. TALK with her in a civil manner. Tell her how much she means to you, but that you really need this to work.

Start sending her random texts, leaving her little notes here and there, like I said, go back to square one, the simple things.

I've been doing small things here and there, but probably not frequently enough. I just get the feeling that if I start trying all these things, she will only be suspicious of my motives. I think I've created this mindset that anything nice I do for her is just a request for sex.