[Stillness]

I don't I beat off once this week and I don't ever want to do it again nor look at porn because it messes up your mind when it comes to sex

Good.

I found it didn't mess me up so much when it came to sex, but I felt physically and mentally weaker...like I literally could not function as well. I don't hear people mention that, so I wonder if it was just me. Real sex has the opposite effect on me.

[darcdante]

I bought a pornographic video (this was back in the days when pornography was not as readily available on the internet) and didn't return it in time. The video store called my house and my wife answered the phone. She was upset to the extreme. It didn't stop me completely but shortly afterwards when I started to become really serious about my faith, I prayed to Jehovah when after my work day was over I wanted to look at pornography and masturbate and he immediately took my desire away. I was frightened at first because I had never gotten an immediate response like that, but that was what happened.

Years later I had a slip-up here and there, but it was never habitual like when I was single or the early part of my marriage. It really helps that I have a wife that makes love whenever I want to, but it was God that broke the habit.

Thank you for your testimony. It helps me to read it, and to have a reminder that God answers prayers.

[Guest]

I bought a pornographic video (this was back in the days when pornography was not as readily available on the internet) and didn't return it in time. The video store called my house and my wife answered the phone. She was upset to the extreme. It didn't stop me completely but shortly afterwards when I started to become really serious about my faith, I prayed to Jehovah when after my work day was over I wanted to look at pornography and masturbate and he immediately took my desire away. I was frightened at first because I had never gotten an immediate response like that, but that was what happened.

Years later I had a slip-up here and there, but it was never habitual like when I was single or the early part of my marriage. It really helps that I have a wife that makes love whenever I want to, but it was God that broke the habit.

Thank you for your testimony. It helps me to read it, and to have a reminder that God answers prayers.

that's what im a start doing anytime im tempted im a intensely pray to Yeshua and keep praying until my temptation goes away

[Jayson]

I'm a man, and a husband who prefers masturbation to partner sex. I have always had a very low sexual boredom threshold. Even when I was single I would find myself losing sexual desire for any given woman I was dating after two or three sexual encounters. If I attempted to continue in the relationship my body would start to rebel and I would lose the ability to function sexually with that person. So I would move on to someone new and my sexual functioning would return for a little while then the whole process would repeat itself. I often liked these women I dated enough to want to have some kind of ongoing relationship but when the sexual boredom would kick in and I would lose desire hanging around would just mean a lot of questions which I couldn't answer. What was I going to say? "I like you a lot but I am bored of having sex with you"

I really wasn't all that bothered about this need for being in a new relationship in order to be sexually functional when I was single and this went on for almost 15 years before I finally got married and, of course, it happened with my wife. We decided to try and find out what was going on and spent years going to therapists but none were able to help.

So I think there are probably a lot of guys like me out there who find sex in a long term relationship difficult. For us masturbation is quick, easy and there is never any boredom or loss of sexual desire. Masturbation means no embarrassing questions, no recrimination and no sexual disappointments.

So if I had to give an answer as to why some men prefer masturbation it is that partner sex, while the skin to skin contact feels good, is generally unpleasant and stressful for some guys and moving from woman to woman every month is order to have enjoyable sex is hard work and, as we get older, it is just simpler to take care of ourselves.

[jns]

Jayson, what about your wife? Has she chosen masturbation as a way to get the release she wants? Or are you alright with her getting her release in a loving relationship with another guy?

[Jayson]

Hi, well I'm not sure if she masturbates or not. We don't really discuss it. I guess she does but I'm really not sure. To answer your other question. After the first year I realized that in order to have some kind of decent sex life we both needed to be able to have sex with people outside the marriage. But when I suggested an open marriage to her she would have none of it. I tried explaining that there was no danger that I would get involved in a relationship with anyone else (if that was what she feared would happen in such an open arrangement) because the very reason I suggested an open marriage in the first place is that I couldn't function sexually with the same woman more than a few times. But she still didn't want to do it.

I'll admit I have strayed briefly twice in the last 20 years (4 sexual encounters altogether) but mostly I have abided by her wishes and turned to masturbation in lieu of any kind of outside the marriage partner sex.

[Hopeless Dork]

I really hope your wife is an asexual woman, Jayson... otherwise your lack of concern as to how she is getting her needs met is fairly troubling. Obviously there is something satisfactory for her in the relationship for her to have stuck it out with someone that isn't passionate with her.

For some women sex just isnt as big of a deal as it is for others. Some prefer security, be it financial or just general caretaking. In fact, I've known some women that are not attracted to or even repulsed by their husbands sexually and would much prefer they masturbate or cheat than to have to be with them. And I feel so sorry for their partners when I hear them talk, but it takes all kinds. They would be perfectly suited with a guy that wanted a relationship, but preferred to masturbate etc.

Different strokes for different folks, no pun intended!! I think the most important thing is compatibility. A sexual woman with the need for physical attention is obviously suited for a certain kind of man, and a woman that doesn't care for sex is suited for another. Same for a man that prefers masturbation, I don't think he should be doomed to spend his life alone, just hopefully he finds someone that doesn't need him sexually.

[Jayson]

No she isn't Asexual. Asexuality is a sexual orientation like being gay or bi, something you are born with. Anyone who has enjoyed partner sex for years (before she met me and then a few times with me at the beginning) would not be Asexual.

But why she turned down the opportunity to be able to have a sex life and enjoy marriage too is something I have never understood. Maybe she is a bit old fashioned and traditional that way. But yes she obviously enjoys the Pro's rather than dwelling on the Cons of being married to me. She owns a very successful business and could support herself in high style without me. Like I say we really don't talk about all this stuff (after years of therapy we are all talked out) but I like to think it is because we have a lot in common outside the bedroom and do enjoy each others company. After all it is really hard to find someone you can actually stand living with for decades on end.

[jns]

I do not believe sexual identity is so hardwired at birth. I know some people try to sell that thought pattern, but I do not buy it. I do believe that sexual identity can run in phases and it is not something that a person cannot truly control. A bi person can go through phases of wanting the opposite sex, phases of wanting the same sex and phases of wanting both and quite possibly phases of wanting neither. Someone who is asexual could be almost completely that way or could be in a phase that is different than previously wanting and having a statistically more normal sex life.

[Jayson]

Well that is the American right wing evangelical view and you are entitled to it. It is used as a justification for the "pray the gay away" "therapy" and has caused untold damage to many. Things are changing rapidly in American though, and these kinds of beliefs, like those against "race mixing" and the Jim Crow laws will soon be relegated to the garbage heap of history.