[rcoreyus]

I'm very sorry you've had medical problems, and hormone issues might be causing a lack of sexual desire. I guess you need to think about what you can do in this situation. Do you find sex distasteful, or just not particularly exciting. If you don't mind it, you could do it as a favor for your husband - assuming that he is happy to do various favors for you. You could seriously consider opening your relationship, this works for some people and would remove the stress of his always wanting sex and your not wanting it.

I don't think there is any blame here on either side. You have medical issues that cause you to not be interested in sex - absolutely not your fault. Maybe that can be fixed, but it sounds like there hasn't been any success that way. He wants to have sex with his wife - perfectly normal and healthy and not something that should change. You both have my sympathy. Since your relationship is good in other ways, this is worth fixing somehow.

[croalstad]

I'm very sorry you've had medical problems, and hormone issues might be causing a lack of sexual desire. I guess you need to think about what you can do in this situation. Do you find sex distasteful, or just not particularly exciting. If you don't mind it, you could do it as a favor for your husband - assuming that he is happy to do various favors for you. You could seriously consider opening your relationship, this works for some people and would remove the stress of his always wanting sex and your not wanting it.

I don't think there is any blame here on either side. You have medical issues that cause you to not be interested in sex - absolutely not your fault. Maybe that can be fixed, but it sounds like there hasn't been any success that way. He wants to have sex with his wife - perfectly normal and healthy and not something that should change. You both have my sympathy. Since your relationship is good in other ways, this is worth fixing somehow.

rcoreyus I do not find sex distasteful I just don't think about it, as a matter of fact when my husband and I make love he's wonderful and he takes his time with me. I guess thats why we gets our pets fixed so they don't think about it. Thank you for you sincere thoughfulness.

[LanaBear]

Gearhead - Another thing I just thought of, that I don't think has been mentioned, but has she had a full physical where her hormone levels have been checked, specifically testosterone. Low testosterone can also have an effect of low libido for women.

[mollypolly]

I have never posted on here before, but seeing your post really made me realize how similar our family situations are. My husband and I have been together since we were 17. Like most young couples we were excited about each other’s desires for each other. We made out, petted heavily and eventually made love when we were 18. I look back at those times and remember when we had very little responsibilities and no one else mattered but us.

We were married when I was 24 and we were graduated from college. Again, life was great, sex was great and we both had good jobs. I worked 12 hour shifts and he worked days but intimacy was never lacking.

Then we had our first child 2 years later. I am petite and I was always very thin. I had to have a C-section and that did wonders for my body image! NOT! I had stretch marks, and awful incision, my hips seemed a little bigger and I now had a small protruding stomach that to this day has never gone away despite my best efforts. I continued to work full time in addition to being a full time mother. I had worked night shifts and there were days I had to work with 4-5 hours sleep. Sex was not foremost in my mind and not the least bit enticing as it once was.

It’s said that woman are better at multi-tasking, I was great at muti-thinking as well. When we did have sex I was always worried about something that happened at work or I was thinking about our kids. I remember reading in one of your posts that when you two went away on your own, your wife always had to call to see how her children were doing , even if they were at a relative’s home. I can tell you that will probably never go away. A mother will always be a mother first. My husband had to unfortunately put up with this as well.

I could go on and on, but I won’t as I am sure there is a word count limit

Long story short. I have three children who are now ages are 16 and younger. During the time when the kids were young it was difficult for us and there were resentments regarding the lack of intimacy. It was MY lack of intimacy. I love my husband because he was patient when I needed patience. Even with my body image issues, he never stopped telling me how sexy he thought I was and is.

Communication I believe is the key from both sides. It sounds like she becomes easily defensive when you approach the subject of sex and the lack thereof. There was a time when I thought all his actions meant that all he wanted from me was to have sex, and it gave me anxiety. I told him that. So we were intimate in other
ways( from hand holding and hugging in public and private , to really heavy petting and ---use your imagination) but not sex itself. Try to be someplace in the house where she can’t hear the kids either-big turn off. Just take the monitor so she can hear if they are ok.

It’s almost a way of rediscovering each other.

Now that the kids are older, we still have problems in life like other couples. The difference is we communicate much better and our sex life is really great. The kids were away for awhile and we made love probably 2 times a night for 4 nights. .

Hormones are definitely not gifts from heaven! They do play a part with decreased libido, along with stress, anxiety, and fatigue. If you truly care for each other, please try to work it out. See a counselor, go with her to her GP appt or GYN appt. Let her know that you want to support her and offer to have yourself checked out as well. But she needs to know how much you are suffering, how her comments can be hurtful but how important she is and how important your marriage is to you.

The best of luck to you both. I hope you let us know how things turn out.

[LanaBear]

Thank goodness! I KNEW I couldn't have been the only one to turn things around in this world. Really odd, I felt as if I was reading my own story.

[imagoodone]

Don't know why I got deleted yesterday but my observation is that some type of addiction may be present in the relationship. Sexual anorexia potentially as well. Just asking you to reflect on that. Your responses to her reactions aren't a good sign and neither are her responses. Trying to be helpful.

[LanaBear]

Don't know why I got deleted yesterday but my observation is that some type of addiction may be present in the relationship. Sexual anorexia potentially as well. Just asking you to reflect on that. Your responses to her reactions aren't a good sign and neither are her responses. Trying to be helpful.

I'm struggling to find where you think he has some type of addiction, I've read this thread many many times and just don't see it... Because he wants to have sex with his wife, which by what he has posted does not seem excessive, you pinpoint him as harboring some addictive tendencies? Please do explain.

[croalstad]

I have to jump in and say that I've felt that my husband was addicted to sex to but when I here you say why? Because he wants to have sex with his wife makes me re-think a little bit. Thanks!

[croalstad]

I'm struggling to find where you think he has some type of addiction, I've read this thread many many times and just don't see it... Because he wants to have sex with his wife, which by what he has posted does not seem excessive, you pinpoint him as harboring some addictive tendencies? Please do explain.

Just so you know I say he is addicted to sex because he wants it all the time and I don't. What is sexual anorexia?

[rcoreyus]

Croalstad: How often does he want sex - if you have sex when he wants? (hm, that sentence wasn't clear). What I'm trying to say is: someone who isn't getting enough sex will want it all the time. That doesn't mean that they would have sex all the time if they could. It is like being hungry - if you are hungry you want food all the time. After you eat, you are happy, and you don't want food for a while. Have you tried having sex with him whenever he wanted for a while and seen how much he really wants? Maybe it isn't that much and you would be willing to do that for him, assuming he is also good to you in other ways.

Lack of sex can make a person unhappy / irritable / angry about a wide variety of unrelated things - can affect lots of other parts of your relationship and life in general.