[CHANDLERS WISH]

Old thread, OP hasn't returned since July, usually I would close it, but you've made such an effort on this thread..

I'm definately a believer of togetherness, working together guarantees success, each giving is the answer, ra, ra Lana when she returns would probably blow you out the water...

I haven't missed the point though, she doesn't want it why? She doesn't want to "negotiate", your talking about "togetherness, both giving"..

I agree councelling may have been in order for them, but when a woman feels it's all about sex, not intimacy, love, they'll keep saying no .. sorry but that's a fact...

CW

We get in an argument about sex at least every other month, her saying that I don't "get her in the mood" for it or about the way that I ask. The typical way that I do this is that I ask her "can I make love to you" or if I am feeling smart I will say on off-hand remark like "let's take our clothes of and roll around naked together". Almost every time I can count on one of these three answers: "_______(long, silent pause with glaring eyes)_____________"; "maybe later"; or my favorite "I have a headache". Those are the 3 main excuses that get me a verifiable and resounding NO SEX TONIGHT.

[JonDoe]

I've posted about my personal experiences here before and they are very similar to GearHead's with one exception, the timeframe for me is double -- 20 years. It has worn me down so much, that I am not confident in my relationship, and I have noticed that I have lost confidence and motivation for my career as well.

I know my wife masturbates, and in general that is a normal, healthy thing for anyone, something I taught her to be comfortable with. However, since we have sex no more than once every 3-4 months, it feels like she is cheating on me.

She has wonderful orgasms when we have sex, but for me it is the emotional connection, not the physical that I enjoy most. It is a need more than a want for me.

I'm 45, have suffered for 20 years and can't see myself suffering for another 20-40 years of my life. So things better change within the next few years before we become empty nesters, or else I'm outta here, 50 and single. The thought of it feels liberating and scary, not unlike a roller coaster.

[Count Zero]

Doesn't want sex.

Old thread, OP hasn't returned since July, usually I would close it, but you've made such an effort on this thread..

I'm definately a believer of togetherness, working together guarantees success, each giving is the answer, ra, ra Lana when she returns would probably blow you out the water...

I haven't missed the point though, she doesn't want it why? She doesn't want to "negotiate", your talking about "togetherness, both giving"..

I agree councelling may have been in order for them, but when a woman feels it's all about sex, not intimacy, love, they'll keep saying no .. sorry but that's a fact...

CW

I suppose it does come down to why doesn't she want sex.... I get what you're saying, however it seems many relationships have reached this impasse, he wants sex so talks about it often, she doesn't, so perceives it as an attack/only physical sex.

Counselling may help, but sex is a male need, counselling may help them to communicate better and reach a mutual compromise. In my case is helped my wife realise that lack of sex was a deal breaker, we started out with lots of sex, then had virtually none, and now we have a happy medium. Men need regular sex, so if a woman doesn't like it, she'll need to find a new partner who doesn't need it as much. Good luck.

Oh, if she "doesn't want to negotiate", then the relationship is doomed.

[Jimbeau]

Would love to hear her side of the story. I've gotta believe there were some pertinent facts left out like perhaps the guy's gained 200 lbs since they married, drinks 2 cases of beer a day, and only showers once a week.

[Jimbeau]

Counselling may help, but sex is a male need.

Would respectfully disagree. It's a human need.

[WildChild]

Would respectfully disagree. It's a human need.

Absolutely.

[rcoreyus]

There may be nothing missing from the story. My wife rarely wants to sleep with me, and there is no obvious reason. Some people just have very low sex drives

Would love to hear her side of the story. I've gotta believe there were some pertinent facts left out like perhaps the guy's gained 200 lbs since they married, drinks 2 cases of beer a day, and only showers once a week.

[WildChild]

There may be nothing missing from the story. My wife rarely wants to sleep with me, and there is no obvious reason. Some people just have very low sex drives

And some just have their heads on backwards too. It can be hard to tell. But you know usually, given a little time around here, if there are problems such as Jimbeau is suggesting, they will start to show up.

[Frustration]

You know how some people say that just when you think you've got it bad, you meet someone who is worse off? Well, those of you with no-sex issues, meet me.

I'm reading through this thread seeing people mentioning having sex only a couple of times a week or just a few times a month. Well, that would almost infinitely multiply my number. I can count the average number of times I have sex with my wife, PER YEAR, using just three fingers.

We've never had a fantastic sex life. She was always a bit timid and I ALWAYS had to initiate. Then, as others have mentioned, we had our first child and the drought began. At that point, we were still probably having sex about 10 times a year (it's quite easy to keep track when it's less than once a month). Upon the arrival of our second child, the gates were shut. I face rejection about 95% of the times I attempt to initiate. It's really gotten to the point where it's a burden to try anymore. Once she gets going, she's fine, but getting her going is such a steep hill to climb (and the excuses for rejection continue to mount) that the payoff is almost not even worth it anymore.

But it's about more than just sex. I love my wife and I miss the intimacy we once shared. I really don't feel like a married couple anymore. We're just roommates now.

(for the record, both in our mid-thirties, married for ten years, two kids, both work full-time)

[Count Zero]

My error.

Absolutely.

Yes it's a human need, I didn't mean anything exclusive, I just meant that it seems to be more urgent for many more males than females.