[depresssed]

WildChild said:
"She must be about my age and to be quite frank if I were her I'd be ready to wack you upside the head with a frying pan on my way out the door."

OK. You lack the benefit of my experience. You certainly don't understand the depth of my pain.

[WildChild]

I do see in your post the depth of your pain, my point is that it appears to be mostly of your own creation.

You are certain that she has lied to you, is not honest with you, has always found your penis inadequate, and you have in essence stated that you will not believe anything to the contrary. What can she possibly do with this situation? Consider this: if she has told you the truth, she was only with 2 men before you (who cares anyway) and she doesn't need/want toys - you don't believe it. She can't "win" with that. If she tells you, yes she was with dozens of men and they were all larger than you and you just can't compare, unless she wants to leave you (apparently she doesn't), she can't "win" with that either.

You have not presented any information that indicates that she actually thinks what you believe she does or that she is actually dishonest about her past. Its all based on your feelings and assumptions.

So 30 yrs ago during sex play once, she wanted to measure your penis? And years and years ago she made a remark about penises reaching the navel? That's hardly a condemnation of your penis. She had sex with you, she chose to marry you and has stayed with you and raised a family with you. Obviously she came to a different understanding but you, by your own story, have clung to these wisps as proof of your inadequacy. Why would you want to do this?

Do you suppose that over all the years you've been together there has never been a remark, an action, a comment, you have made, that could have been hurtful to her?

Just what is it you want from her?
She can't prove herself to you, she hasn't been able to in 27 years. How can you say she is wonderful and you love her, if you consider her a dishonest liar?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wildchild said:-

Total nonsense. A few years after Mr. Jealous 10.5, I was with a guy who was less than 3". I had no trouble cumming with him. I've had more than a handful of men, all sizes, of over the nearly 40 yrs I've been sexually active and what makes the difference is technique, caring and connection. (you'll notice size isn't on that list)

As a 48 year old woman, whom also has had several partners, I concur to the above 100%, as I also stated to you...

I believe that by stating sorry about my in-adequacy, after buying something to enjoy in the bedroom, together as a couple, you put yourself down yes, but you also in her eyes, threw it at her big time, your insecurities and made a downer on the fact that YOU finally gave your wife an orgasm..

And, I would suspect you felt adequate, a real man no insecurities and you moved in technique, nothing to do with the 8 inches.... imagine if in addition you had love in your heart and wanted to bond with her, give to her......

Is it wrong for all people to point that out?

[depresssed]

Because there has been apparent dishonesty on her part I have to guess and I suppose I am guessing the worst. I don't know the truth. Another example: She told me that she had never performed oral sex on anyone before me. Yet the first time we had oral sex it was obvious that that was not true. I have experienced oral sex from other women who it was obvious were novices at it and my wife clearly was not. Just an example. There are others.

It seems to me that you are suggesting I believe everything she has told me without condition. Forget all that I have known in my life and just believe. I think that would be much easier if the stories were more plausible. And I must add that this is not about what she has said. It's about my inability to make her orgasm. I think you may be right. She should probably hit me in the head with something and just leave.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Did you from the beginning with her, always feel the need to visit her past? To worry about that past?

Decades have passed ...

Past should not matter, where love is concerned she married you....

If a woman feels she has to lie about bj's it is because she knows that her partner does not like that she even had a past...

Have you two been living with the past all these years?

If so?

That is why she can not "feel with you" as she fears anything she does, you will expect she did that in her past...

Funny, I talk of experience here.

I married my first husband at 36, his first marriage was at 31, he married a 21 year old virgin, and with me? I could never be the seductress, I rarely ever gave bj's and I certainly always felt like it was sex, because he visited my past all the time.


CW

[depresssed]

Chan said:

"imagine if in addition you had love in your heart and wanted to bond with her, give to her......"

Your presumption that I do not have love in my heart and want to bond with her, give to her is simply incorrect. As I said she is the most wonderful person I have ever known and I love her more than anything or anyone, otherwise I would not be trying to find a solution to the problem. It's pretty easy to just walk away. Sticking with it is much harder. I just want to stop hurting and get it all figured out and at the same time to please my wife.

I am very grateful for your frankness and honesty, ladies.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know, but you know you bought that strap on, so that you were bigger, in hope to give her the big O and it worked, but it backfired because, you then made her feel bad for having one, with "something else" much like her past yes?

That she gave other men blow jobs, and you maybe can't handle that thought, the old school of thinking, she wasn't a virgin...

I am not saying you don't love her, but if you gave her that "bond" look in the eye, kissed her, the intimacy of it all, then gave her the Orgasm, then held her and felt she was the most beautiful thing in the world, that that was the most beautiful thing in the world to you, that you gave her such pleasure, that is love in your heart and a bonding moment...

Unfortunately, that did'nt exactly occur because you are telling us how you really felt and that was 15 seconds into it, so that means that is what was shown, at that time, where words came out after confirming that...

See what I am trying to say?

CW

[depresssed]

Chan said:

"Have you two been living with the past all these years?

If so?

That is why she can not "feel with you" as she fears anything she does, you will expect she did that in her past..."

We have not lived in the past. Like I said, I asked that question one time and got answers that are obviously not true (she was trying to keep from hurting my feelings). I never asked again. I just lived with not knowing for 27 years. My problem is that we are not having sex or any kind of intimacy and I want to fix that. The lack of sex/intimacy started when she threw our toys away. I'm just grasping for answers and since I am very much in the dark about certain things I have to guess and I am guessing it's because my penis is not adequate. Like I said, the first time she had an orgasm with me was when I used an extension that made me 8" x 6". If that's what it takes I can do that.

[stressed]

Have you asked her why she doesn't want sex without the toys?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

she was trying to keep from hurting my feelings

But, as you haven't answered Is that because you had difficulty in acknowledging she had a past, be it one person or more, is not relevant...

Be honest to yourself there... Re-read what I wrote about myself and my ex-husband in that regard... I so did not want any sex from him after constantly feeling that I was nothing, all women are..... attitude.... we don't need to feel that way, we need to feel .

It is funny because the person you love the most? Is whom you age with and get better at anything that you experimented with in your youth...because of love.