[Guest]

Wondering if any females do this due to less than exciting sex or maybe being single. I'm just wondering and I think it might be something I'm interested in.

[rcoreyus]

Why?
If they are happy together other than their sex life, and she doesn't want to change, who would be hurt by this?

If she's not willing to change, I think your choices are limited to either accepting it or leaving her. Going outside the relationship isn't really an option.

[LanaBear]

Talk to her... Not in the sense of "Hey, I'm horny and I need sex." Sounds like you've been there done that multiple times over. Tell her you have sexual needs that aren't being met and want phone sex, just for the outlet. If she's game and doesn't give a rat's behind, then, there you go. You can do it without the guilt and she doesn't have to worry about meeting your sexual needs.

You can continue on your lives status quo, but both may have one less thing to worry about.

[thepandabear]

Your wife obviously has something serious going on. My honest opinion, is phone sex cheating? Yes. I think talking dirty should be reserved for the person you're with. Unless you have an open relationship, which I'm guessing you don't. Does your wife care about your needs? No, obviously not. But does that mean it's okay/healthy to have phone sex with another woman? Not necessarily. 2 wrongs don't make a right. And how long until phone sex isn't enough? Aren't you concerned why your wife doesn't want to have sexual contact with you? The whole thing about fulfilling your needs with or without your wife just seems absurd to me! All that is is a short term solution to a long term problem. You and your wife do not have a healthy relationship. If you don't have a healthy sex life AND cannot communicate your feelings to each other, that is not okay. If she isn't willing to compromise with you or work with you to keep your marriage happy, why are you even with her? Wouldn't you be better off finding someone else to love who loves you back completely? I'm only saying all this because you asked how I would feel. And honestly, I would find a better situation. I really wish you the best of luck as you are in a really tough spot. If you really love your wife, forget about your penis for now and find a good marriage counselor.

[Guest]

thepandabear- there's nothing wrong with my penis, it works just fine. Kinda hard to forget a hard sausage in the old pants nagging at ya- She doesn't see a problem. I looked it up, last time was back in July/2010. Heck, why not wait a year. Maybe it will turn into 2 years. I'll be with someone else by then, that's a guarantee. If she doesn't go to the Doctor and try to help with her problem, then it's no longer my problem, I'll be gone- I just hate for my son to go thru all this. If she would try to help figure it out, fine. I can go and would be happy with once every two months. At least that would be an improvement by I don't know what percentage! I'd be tickled to death! She won't go to counseling- tried that. (It's all My problem). Trying to get her to go to a Dr, if she doesn't, well I'll be happy to find some hot little 35 yr old number that loves me and wants me-

[Guest]

But the next go around, That gal is going to be a Hot, hot, hot little thing.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But the next go around, That gal is going to be a Hot, hot, hot little thing.

Take your pick ....

Love and intimacy?

Or sex only and no love.............

You're looking on the outside, or else horny and thinking only of sex...

CW

[stressed]

You seem to be very sexually frustrated (and you're right to be) so I don't see how you can avoid cheating. Unfortunately though, your wife won't forgive you for any kind of cheating you'll do (phone/text/physical) and you might not forgive yourself either, no matter how much you want to justify it. Because your thread shows a need for you to justify your phone sex session, which in turn shows you must feel guilty about it. Women in your case do the same things too, but trapping yourself in such a relationship won't have a good ending. If you feel so sexually pressured as your posts show, you need to tell your wife that you can't do this anymore and she either has to accept an open marriage or you can't stay in it anymore. It'd be better for your son as well.

[Hopeless Dork]

I have to wonder why you would put so much thought and energy into what forms of cheating are acceptable to get your sexual needs met outside of the relationship... instead of focusing on why you aren't able to get your sexual needs met with your wife... to figure out why she is being distant sexually and to try to regain intimacy with her rather than have a wife thats a roomate and your sex life consist of phone calls to strange women... no judgement btw...

Just saying that I think its working against your issue to bring in another reason for her to not want to be sexual with you, if its just that she isn't a sexual person and you are -- how is it that you guys got as far as you did without some sort of compromise ... and if this behavior is new, what has changed?

I ask because there is usually a reason a woman just stops wanting to have sex, whether its some resentment she's harboring towards you or just something she is dealing with internally -- there is something going on.

Problem is the longer a woman goes with out sex... the less sexual she feels... the more she can get to feeling like she doesn't want or need it at all. Most times it is not case of you just woke up one day and your wife would never be sexual with you any more...

BEfore it gets that far... something has changed... gradually... and you have to stop and think about whether or not you pulled back on something you used to do and suddenly stopped... how she is doing medically (is she going through anythign with her health?) how she is doing mentally (is she stressed or having some sort of problems?) how she is doing emotionally ( does she feel number 1 to you? Special? Wanted? Beautful?) My guess would be that she probably isn't feeling number 1... not if your having phone sex with other women -- as you obviously have to be meeting these women somewhere (online I'm guessing?) and if thats the case you could possibly be focusing your time and attention persuing other women/porn/ chatrooms/ etc... and while you may be using that for an outlet... it may turn her off being sexual with you feeling like you are more interested in that than her... thus... a vicious cycle of no intimacy.

Just some random thoughts on your issue. PS if you have to ask if its cheating... it probably is.

[JadedQueen]

So... my question to you is: Why are you still in this relationship? From your description of your relationship with your wife she doesn't care about your sexual needs and you can't communicate... depending on her views on phone sex (because regardless of what any of us view as cheating the fact reamains the way your wife views it is really the only opinion that matters) if she sees it as cheating and you do go through with it then you can add trust and infidelity to the lack of communication and sex basically it's a recipe for an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship that already has and will continue to make both parties in the relationship miserable, resentful and unhappy. Why continue to be in a realtionship that makes you unhappy... and why add fuel to the fire and do something that is going to make the situation even worse instead of going your seperate ways and finding a relationship that brings you happiness, pleasure, and fullfillment.
Like I stated before... the ONLY person that can tell you if it's considered cheating is the person you are in a relationship with. Who knows, she may be relieved that you found another outlet to meet your sexual needs. Personally if I were in the situation, I would basically say "I know you don't like to discuss this but the bottom line is 'I have needs, you aren't meeting them and I am considering other outlets such as phone sex to have my needs met'.
To me personally the definition of cheating is this... My partner/SO engaging in a sexual or emotional situation/relationship that has to be kept hidden or a secret from me. If you feel the need to hide it from your partner/SO that fact alone should be a clue that it's wrong and you probably shouldn't do it. The most damaging part of cheating to a relationship isn't the act itself but more so the betrayal and shattering the trust... 15 min. worth of fun and pleasure can cause your partner years worth of pain and heartache.
You are in a tough situation and if you do still love your wife and don't want to leave, and she can't or won't satisfy your needs, the right thing to do is be open and honest with her and tell her what you are contemplating and if she has a problem with it... I am betting she'll be able to find the words to communicate it to you then. At least you can say you didn't hide anything and you were honest about it.