[DreamP346]

I've posted before on this topic, but my husband and I have different levels of sexual desire. We've talked about it and things are a lot better than they used to be. But the reality is that our libidos will always be imbalanced. There are many nights I am laying right next to him, very turned on, but there is nothing I can do.

How do you deal with that sexual energy? Masturbation does not work for me. And I don't want to take a cold shower.

[BabyGirl]

Yeah SP..
My Partner really seems to run low sometimes, but I rarely charge him up for the Masturbation sessions, like maybe once every 6 or 7 months.

Might be time to get rid of BOB and find me a Bill or George .. Lol

Just teasing with ya .. as No one answered yet .

[dlanier248]

As a guy that has a wife with low sex drive, It drives me nuts. It is starting to effect EVERYTHING in our lives. Everytime we talk about it is seems to get more and more intense. I can't see us solving this issue. I told her Sunday, everything I say, SHE thinks I am hinting about sex. I am tired of it.....

I need SEX!!! once every 4-5 months is NOT going to work. we have had sex ONCE this year. and after July 18th,,, it will be twice in 12 months... BUT it is my fault and I am the one with the problem.

I have never cheated, but I have warned her if I do it is HER fault... she has a responsibility as my wife to take care of my needs (with in reason). I have asked for ONCE a month... still she will not do it... I agree, masturbation is only helps in some ways. It does not help with the intimacy and the feeling of holding your love one in your arms.

"How do you deal with that sexual energy?" I walk it off. to the point of a slow jog. then take a hot shower, take care of things if I have too.

[chaya]

she has a responsibility as my wife to take care of my needs (with in reason)

I am just like your wife, zero sex drive. I lost my libido about 6 months ago. I still have sex with my husband whenever he asks but I get no pleasure other than the satisfaction of doing my duty and trying to make him happy.

It amazes me that you only need sex once a month, my husband needs it 2-3 times a week. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up and hope my libido returns. The only breaks I get is during my period, I never thought I would ever welcome that time of the month.

[rosekitten]

I have never cheated, but I have warned her if I do it is HER fault... she has a responsibility as my wife to take care of my needs (with in reason). I have asked for ONCE a month... still she will not do it... I agree, masturbation is only helps in some ways. It does not help with the intimacy and the feeling of holding your love one in your arms.

Horse poop. You sound just like my ex husband. You have a duty as her husband to respect her, and not blame her if you can't keep it in your own pants/hands. You can not justify cheating because you aren't satisfied. There are many reasons for a persons sex drive to be low, including being told that it will be the fault of the one with low drive if the other cheats. How horrible do you think that makes her feel? I certainly wouldn't want to be intimate with someone who was making comments about cheating. Should she reward you because you've been faithful? That's a horrible way to treat someone you love.

[DreamP346]

My Partner really seems to run low sometimes, but I rarely charge him up for the Masturbation sessions, like maybe once every 6 or 7 months.

Might be time to get rid of BOB and find me a Bill or George .. Lol

Yeah, my BOB only gets an occational use. But its not the same and also, its kind of difficult to use if your partner is lying there right next to you.

[dlanier248]

Horse poop. You sound just like my ex husband. You have a duty as her husband to respect her, and not blame her if you can't keep it in your own pants/hands. You can not justify cheating because you aren't satisfied. There are many reasons for a persons sex drive to be low, including being told that it will be the fault of the one with low drive if the other cheats. How horrible do you think that makes her feel? I certainly wouldn't want to be intimate with someone who was making comments about cheating. Should she reward you because you've been faithful? That's a horrible way to treat someone you love.

I understand your response, I truly do, but there is more to the story. she told me to go find someone, more than once and I have never done that. I don't think I would ever really go through with it. I am just not that kind of man, even she has told a close friend of our that.
She says she has thinning of the walls, she hurts really bad, even has little blood on your tissue. She has had full hysterectomy and needs to take meds, she refusses to do so. I have asked her just "give me a hand", still no go. But I am suppose to sit in the bathroom while she takes a bathe and visit with her but I can't touch or hold you. I get against you in the bed and your get mad because I am "growing". Go from 3-5 times a week to 3-5 times a year. Yeah I have bent over backwards to "help", been to marriage councilling until she didn't like what she was being told. "once a week, find a way to help your mate, show him you care even if you cant have sex."

sorry but right now I am hurt and getting angry about it. EVERYTHING is my fault.....

[rosekitten]

I understand your response, I truly do, but there is more to the story. she told me to go find someone, more than once and I have never done that. I don't think I would ever really go through with it. I am just not that kind of man, even she has told a close friend of our that.
She says she has thinning of the walls, she hurts really bad, even has little blood on your tissue. She has had full hysterectomy and needs to take meds, she refusses to do so. I have asked her just "give me a hand", still no go. But I am suppose to sit in the bathroom while she takes a bathe and visit with her but I can't touch or hold you. I get against you in the bed and your get mad because I am "growing". Go from 3-5 times a week to 3-5 times a year. Yeah I have bent over backwards to "help", been to marriage councilling until she didn't like what she was being told. "once a week, find a way to help your mate, show him you care even if you cant have sex."

sorry but right now I am hurt and getting angry about it. EVERYTHING is my fault.....

You say that you told her it would be her fault if you cheated, yet then say she told you to go find someone to satisfy you. Which is it? You can't threaten her with something she has told you to do.

If she is in pain, why would you want to aggravate that by having sex with her? It sounds like she is going through quite a bit, yet you keep wanting to put your penis in/on/around her. What are her reasons for not taking medication? When you got married, did you promise to stick with her "for better or worse"? What vows did you make? I've never agreed with forcing a partner into anything sexual, period. What sort of pleasure could you take from knowing that she wasn't happy giving you a "hand" as you put it? It is really so much more important for her to force herself, than it is for her to actually enjoy doing it?

[SaharaJim]

BOB is getting a bad rap here....your bedmate may find it quite "inspiring" if it is placed before him with the right "frame of mind". There was a thread some time ago where Ladies were talking about how stimulating it was to watch a man. In my experience the same is true for men. Educational and exciting....hard (pun intended) combination to "beat".

[Stillness]

How do you deal with that sexual energy?

If I want it my wife gives it. She's really good about this and getting better all the time. We have had a lot of discussion about this over the years. I try to go easy on her with the frequency.

I have never cheated, but I have warned her if I do it is HER fault... she has a responsibility as my wife to take care of my needs (with in reason).

I feel you, Brother. I would say you'd both be at fault, though. You for cheating and going with someone else and her for cheating you out of satisfaction.

I didn't know about the hysterectomy. That explains a lot. It's too bad that she'd rather you go into another woman's bed than take care of you. She's probably frustrated about the situation too. I don't understand why she's unwilling to try. I don't get how some people think that it's OK to deprive their mate just because they're not in the mood. A lot of those same people would be shocked if their mate went elsewhere. Like, duh, you didn't do your job. I really respect your strength. You're a good man. I hope you can remain faithful and I hope she comes around to being faithful to you.