[laney]

whats normal and whats not?instead of coming to me my husband masterbates sometimes why? we could be having a lot more sex as the way i see it.i have let it get to me and had the mind set of well i guess i will to since he is.so the times i might go for him i wait and please myself instead thinking now i know im going to get pleased.i know thats wrong but i want to fix this.im active in shape,we have toys and yes sometimes watch movies we incorparate dirty talk,video camera.....were b.f. so what gives......i must say a few years ago we had some problems because EVERY time we made love it was a %$#*.he . he didnt kiss me pationatly it was straight up dirty sex and filthy talk. i know he loves me.what is it thats going on with him or in his head help.

[inlovagin]

Has to be more to it!

There has to be more to it than what you have written. I am a guy and I have never heard of a man that would [PREFER] self pleaser over sex with women (LIKE MASTURBATION MORE THAN SEX) unless he is gay and/or in denial.
But I can give you the [MOST COMMON] reasons why a guy would rather please himself than have sex with a particular woman:

1. He is in love or cheating with another woman
2. He does not like the woman he is with but does not want to be the one to break it off.
3. He has been rejected many times and does not take rejection well so would rather do himself than ask and hear NO. Could be in the past or present.
4. When having sex the woman tells him that he was a disappointment.
5. He is unpleased with himself and does not feel worthy of pleasing the woman (unlikely).
6. The couple does not use birth control and does want to have kids. They are using the withdraw technique and he is not getting the full satisfaction of relief. (But you said that you were freaky so the assumption is you would handle that with your mouth.)
7. Last that I can think of, the woman can’t please him as good as he can please himself (HIGHLY unlikely). This may be true for women but it is the lowest rated reason for men.

More details on your situation could help with better or pinpointed responses.

[LadyLane]

OMG Inlovagin, could you scare her a little more?? I think your reasons would be true only if the man wasn't having any type of sex at all with his partner.

laney - many, many men masturbate as well as having full sex lives. For alot of them it is just a stress release that has nothing to do in a negative way with how he feels about you.

Thank goodness I know this or I'd be a basket case. Especially since my husband and I don't have the most active sex life ever and I have absolutely found evidence of him having masturbated either before going to work or well after I've fallen asleep. Lots of times.

We don't get on each other's case about it because then it becomes an issue when it shouldn't. I think as long as you're having the amount of sex you were having before and he is masturbating as well, its okay. If you're not having sex and you know he is doing this, you need to discuss it, obviously.

[inlovagin]

LadyLane you gave enough info to figure out why your husband does it. "Thank goodness I know this or I'd be a basket case. Especially since my husband and I don't have the most active sex life" (I sure want to have sex but she doen't TIME TO MASTURBATE) "ever and I have absolutely found evidence of him having masturbated either before going to work"(I love morning sex but she is still sleep TIME TO MASTURBATE) "or well after I've fallen asleep" (she fell asleep on me again, no sex tonight TIME TO MASTURBATE). "Lots of times."

Sorry didn't mean to sound so negative. That is why I said more info was needed.

LadyLane your statement falls under the most common one for people in a good relationship. That is number 3. Men hate rejection. Rejection comes in many forms. The woman don't seem interested when the man gives what he believes to be sudden hints. When the man says he wants to and the woman makes it seem like a pitty F$%K. The woman flat out says no. Believe it or not getting started is the hardest thing for a man. I would bet you my bottom dollar that in your case LadyLane case, if you had sex with your husband before he went to work and/or before you went to sleep, you would fine no evadince of him masturbating afterword.

Laney you may have the lower form of #3. He doent want to ask so he would rather do it his self. If that is the case same sanario. during the time of day you think he would be geared up for self indulgence, you start it instead of waiting for him to start. Men dont always want to be the one "asking" (in some for or anther) for sex. It is great when the woman asks for it.

or

You could fall under a lower level #4. All he wants is a quickie as LadyLane would call "Relief". He may think that a quickie for him is disappointing to you and believes that it is better to not ask then be considered a disappointment to you. Men like quickies but society has deemed the 5 minute man as sexually usless man. If that is the case tell him maybe once or twice a day to give you five minutes of his time and let him know that it has to be quick cause you are in a rush. If he has never asked for a quickie I bet he would love for you to ask for one.

[EmotionsRvalid]

Inlovagin is right

I'd just like to echo what he said. Rejection gets old. A man may be feeling very amorous and have anticipation of sex, but after being rejected or insulted in some way it's really deflating! It's like going for sugar with a sweet tooth and being given a mouth full of salt instead. After enough times of this you go with the safe bet and change your diet so to speak. This type scenario repeated several times or even a few in a row tends to make a guy "disconnect" emotionally. It's like when you're dancing and keep getting your toes stepped on. You quit dancing. It's not worth it.
Don't underestimate morning nookie either! In the morning I'm well rested and can go several rounds. I'm a very hard worker all day and everyday and sometimes don't bother to save a little for the bedroom. Especially if recent bedroom events have been "salty." Yick.

[EmotionsRvalid]

Oh yea, 8 & 9

reason no.
8. She can't focus on the here and now during sex as evidenced by she talks about furniture, or money, or work, etc. etc. If she's made the decision to be "somewhere else" mentally that sucks! It wouldn't matter what the guy did, looked like, etc. aint noth'n special gonna happen! Disapointing and "salty"

9. The dead fish! I think this one's probably in the category of pitty sex. But I'm giving it it's own number because it deserves one. Basically this is when she just goes along for the ride and may even enjoy it thoroughly, but is lazy and won't pitch it! Ooooooh! I hate the dead fish- it's creapy and makes me feel like a solo peddler on a tandem bike, or with a ......I don't even want to say it...... Yuck!

[LadyLane]

Um, you have the roles reversed here, guys. Since we've been married, specifically in the first two years, he has said all of the above to MY advances... "Why didn't you try this earlier?" "Why didn't you tell me today you wanted this tonight?" "I have to get up so early" "You always wait until we're in bed" (HUH??) "No" "Nope" "Not now" "Tomorrow"

There were probably more. So don't blame me. It goes both ways, everything goes both ways, in relationships. Including a riduclously attractive 5'8 size 4 brunette with big boobs being turned down by her husband for sex on a continual basis. A brunette who loves morning sex, quickies, and middle-of-the-night wake up sessions. As a matter of fact, alot of the sex I had was getting him aroused while he was sleeping and then climbing aboard. He never complained then, because there was no work involved!

And I will tell you the reasons I was denied. His terminally ill mother passed away and put him into a major depression, which he did not want to acknowledge. He worked for his father's company - his father abandoned the family when my husband was eight, and now here he was working for the guy he hated because that's what put the most bread on our table. So he brought that home with him every day. He never let go of it, and he never stopped thinking about it. There was no other woman. He didn't want to break it off. He was never rejected by me. I never told him he was a disappointment in bed. Nor was it six, seven, the newly added eight or the nine.

And there I was, newly married, in a new state, in a new home, with a husband that didn't touch me unless he was really horny or in a really good mood. Yay me. And even though we have some months where the sex is daily, imaginative and amazing, they are few and far between. By his choice.

So don't you ******g blame me. I'm the one who's always getting myself off around here. And also getting **** on another post for possibly, after eight long years, possibly maybe trying to think about having someone else fill that need. Which I don't even want to do!

But I don't care if he masturbates, and vice versa. All men masturbate, and most of the time it has nothing to do with the amount of sex they are getting. I know I am right, I don't care if you contradict me, and Laney should listen to me because you're both trying to make it sound like it is her fault.

[LadyLane]

Don't Listen, Laney!!

Um, you have the roles reversed here, guys. Since we've been married, specifically in the first two years, he has said all of the above to MY advances... "Why didn't you try this earlier?" "Why didn't you tell me today you wanted this tonight?" "I have to get up so early" "You always wait until we're in bed" (HUH??) "No" "Nope" "Not now" "Tomorrow"

There were probably more. So don't blame me. It goes both ways, everything goes both ways, in relationships. Including a riduclously attractive 5'8 size 4 brunette with big boobs being turned down by her husband for sex on a continual basis. A brunette who loves morning sex, quickies, and middle-of-the-night wake up sessions. As a matter of fact, alot of the sex I had was getting him aroused while he was sleeping and then climbing aboard. He never complained then, because there was no work involved!

And I will tell you the reasons I was denied. His terminally ill mother passed away and put him into a major depression, which he did not want to acknowledge. He worked for his father's company - his father abandoned the family when my husband was eight, and now here he was working for the guy he hated because that's what put the most bread on our table. So he brought that home with him every day. He never let go of it, and he never stopped thinking about it. There was no other woman. He didn't want to break it off. He was never rejected by me. I never told him he was a disappointment in bed. Nor was it six, seven, the newly added eight or the nine.

And there I was, newly married, in a new state, in a new home, with a husband that didn't touch me unless he was really horny or in a really good mood. Yay me. And even though we have some months where the sex is daily, imaginative and amazing, they are few and far between. By his choice.

So don't you ******g blame me. I'm the one who's always getting myself off around here. And also getting **** on another post for possibly, after eight long years, possibly maybe trying to think about having someone else fill that need. Which I don't even want to do!

But I don't care if he masturbates, and vice versa. All men masturbate, and most of the time it has nothing to do with the amount of sex they are getting. I know I am right, I don't care if you contradict me, and Laney should listen to me because you're both trying to make it sound like it is her fault.

[laney]

i would just like to say i may not have given a lot of information because i didnt have the time at that moment i was being blunt.i would also like to say it sounds like you guys get rejected alot because you went of on a rampage about how we or i turn him down alot.you know what they say about assuming.all i wanted to know was why he did it.i was having a sensitive moment.i normally dont feel that way.the reason the question was asked in the first place was because i give it to him all the time i attack him, i suprise him,i too play with him in his sleep and wake him up with me on top and him in me.we use toys,lotions tasty treats movies roll playng you name it.im not going to get any more personal then that but there is more.i believe in keeping our marrige alive.i know i have a higher sex drive then he.thats had to do with me asking also.i dont care if he masterbates.i just wondered why he was hiding.i confronted him with it and he said he felt bad about it.i told him not to,thats when i told him i had a higher sex drive then he and about my fun i had last week....everyday even when we had intercourse.im lucky enough to have multiples so i take full advantage...he does to when he can hang.....haha.anyway it turned into him getting aroused by the thought and that came to my advantage also.we do random things like me suprising him fulling around when he comes home.the options and number list you gave me didnt really fit but i learned something out of evrything you all wrote so i really appreciate that and you taking the time.just know he is not deprived and thats why i was asking.but yes i know men masterbate,i just didnt know why he was hiding it from me,i feel like if you feel guilty thats because you are....thats just me thinking and typing...that could be a whole different discussion.thanks all,feel free to keep giving me your input i love it.p.s. i climbed aboard and woke him up with breakfeast in bed if you know what i mean and it was the first time in almost seven years he pre ejaculted......

[inlovagin]

I was living in Georgia and took a weekend trip to go to my sister’s wedding. I arrived there about 3:00am and had just enough time to see everyone and say hi before I went to bed. To include my aunt and uncle how razed me for part of my life. I hadn't seen them on almost 3 yrs. It was about 8:00 in the morning when my aunt said that my uncle was still sleeping and wouldn’t wake up. She didn’t get to alarmed because he was up late and is usually in bed by 9:00pm maybe 10 latest. So I checked on him also and he seemed ok. H was snoring very loud (always has) so we figured that we would let him sleep for a little while longer. Everyone was in the house getting ready for the wedding and we had about an hour left so we had to get him up. But my aunt tells me that he wont wake up. So I go back in to check on him. As I was standing there calling his name he stopped breathing. My aunt was in the room with me and she started freaking out while she yelled for someone to call 911. I am CPR trained and know that I was supposed to first give him breaths but for some season the first thing I did was checked his pulse. He had no pulse. I gave him rescue breathing and CPR until the paramedics arrived. My aunt helped me some after she settled down from the initial shock. We were able to revive his pulse but he never regained breathing. I will spare you the details of the after thoughts, taiste and smell that remained with me the rest of the day. But I will tell you that there are still foods today that I will not eat. My sister still had the wedding and I went to it. My aunt went to the hospital. The wedding was nice but my uncle wasn’t. The net day I had to go back to GA and my aunt had made to make the decision whether or not to leave him on life support. I never was able to make the funeral either.
I am sorry for your husband’s loss and everything you have had to go thru. I have only talked about this to my wife, grandmother and the Pastor. Believe me this was probably the worst experience I ever went thru but it only scratches the surface for problems in my life. For six months I rarely wanted to touch my wife. And I am usually the more sexual person. I did masturbate quite a lot. Probably 2 or 3 times a week. We might have sex maybe 2 or 3 time a month. My wife never asked me about it I believe because she already knew what was wrong. I did not want to be with her or anyone else. No one could please me not even my wife. To me this was a (HIGHLY UNLIKELY #7) even. I loved her but didn’t want to be close to her.
LadyLane, if you read down this far I am sorry for offending you. I pray that you understand that I never said anything was HER fault. I apologize for assuming things about your relationship base on the little information that you gave. For the third time I would like to state that more info about her situation is needed.
This is my last Post thank you for the great info Ladies. I didn’t mean to be the bad guy!

Laney I must have been writing this at the same time you were writing your previous. Thank you for the Clarification.