question on masterbation,men please comment also

[hotdogg]

i did not see laney say that her partner does prefer masterbation to sex?

i thought she was asking, why does her husband masterbate, instead of just having sex.

some people do not like the idea of their partner masterbating, full stop!

[inlovagin]

can you really not like your spouse and then love them again?????just curious i have a lot to learn.

I believe that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love. In my marriage we went through a faze where we were constantly arguing and disagreed on just about everything. Especially what marriage is about and how married people should be. It was almost to the point of divorce. But we were both very stubborn and neither would initiate a divorce. I sure am glad of that. We did not like each other but had enough respect and love to not cheat on one another so we tried to find a median.
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After we worked through our issues we started to fall in love all over and ever since we have been ?In Love Again?.

[laney]

just to clarify im not saying he prefers it i just wanted a males opinion on why he did it,i know everyone does it and you guys/gals really nailed it.masterbation is different then intercourse and our schedules are a little different so that gives me not only a better understanding of men(not that either sexes will fully understand each other but if we can help each other that would be great-i think advise from another man besides your husband can help because that person is removed from the situation so one my be more apt to listen and take things into retrospect)but i wont take it personally.i wouldnt want someone telling me i couldnt ever masterbate again.also to clarify im far from being insecure in that department but my spouse and i have some issues were trying to work out and i just dont want that part of our life to suffer i feel like thats the one thing i hold on to.i dont know why and im just thinking out loud now...lol

[amom]

I have seen evidence that married men masturbate rather than having intercourse with their spouses because of sickness and injury, generally speaking.

If a man has a willing and ready spouse and prefers to masturbate then something is wrong in his head - such as recent or past tragedies - as has been mentioned here. Or he has decided his attraction to his spouse has waned or disappeared - then it is time to move on - or live with the situation and get by as you deem fit.

Therapy is always a possibility if both partners are willing - or simply frank talks about the matter.

I kind of zoned out on this thread after reading the first page of posts so if I am repeating what was already said please tune me out.

[laney]

amom

so what i am getting here is that you think that if a male has a ready and willing spouse and he masterbates i should worry.well once i was asleep on the couch with our daughter because she had kept me up most of the night and the others were when i had left in the morning or hadnt gotten home yet.we usually talk about when i do it because it turns him on so sometimes i ask him.he tells me because he knows im not a jealous person buuuuuut we have had our share of problems and i guess i have a trust issue....with himsomething i DONT like to admit.....aghhhhhhhh

[inquisitive1]

whats normal and whats not?

instead of coming to me my husband masterbates sometimes why? we could be having a lot more sex as the way i see it.i have let it get to me and had the mind set of well i guess i will to since he is.so the times i might go for him i wait and please myself instead thinking now i know im going to get pleased.i know thats wrong but i want to fix this.im active in shape,we have toys and yes sometimes watch movies we incorparate dirty talk,video camera.....were b.f. so what gives......i must say a few years ago we had some problems because EVERY time we made love it was a %$#*.he . he didnt kiss me pationatly it was straight up dirty sex and filthy talk.

i know he loves me.what is it thats going on with him or in his head help.

Hello laney-

What's normal masturbation is a somewhat subjective spectrum. However, abnormal masturbation is: 1.) Masturbating in inappropriate places, 2.) Masturbating at inappropriate times, 3.) Forced masturbation with another, 4.) Copulation totally replaced by masturbation within a relationship. From your thread none of this applies to you.

The best way to know what's going on inside your husbands head, is to ask him. Have you asked him? Trust, Respect, and Communication. Those are the three fundamental core elements of any healthy relationship. It is difficult to have one without the other. Masturbation is a practice that varies from person to person. Some people never masturbate. Some people do it because of the various reasons Kermit stated. Perhaps it's in addition to penetration, scheduling issues, and no one knows what they like better than themselves. In addition to those issues it could be mismatched sexual drives. You stated you're not rejecting him, so that's probably not it either. You love eachother, so open up and try talking it out. Your partner's maturbation should not necessary be veiwed as a sexual rejection of you or a diminished love for you. I hope this helps.

[Mourningman]

The dead fish is how my life has been for 13 years.I have really tried in most every way possible but i just get no response.Very frustrating, if it wasn't for me I would never have sex. It has also made me think crazy things like no one can imagine. Whats a guy to do in these instances? Its a giant wedge for us to deal with and we have been married 16 years.
WHat happens to some women as life becomes a routine.Marraige counseling really only makes things worse because as things become more exposed arguing and finger pointing is only heightened.

[laney]

inquisitive1,i have tried to talk to him and he ends up getting mad.when i confronted him about the time he did it when i was asleep on the couch he denied it.when i pointed out the evidence and asked him why he lied he got mad.i wasnt confronting him in a bad way.hed call me on it if he busted me but not in a bad way.i can not stand being lied to.there is no realrelationship if there is no trust...in my book inway.we have been to counseling and he refused to go anymore cursing to me about our counselor.thats when we seperated.he has an issue i am not sure what you would call it.he has no patience blows up easily and can not handle pressure.these are things even his family has admitted to me about.i take controll and care of pretty much everything so he doesnt have a fit,but he still blows up the more i do the less things change.i just end up stressed out and exhausted.mentally and emotionally.im not sure how much longer i can handle this.anyway we have been back together for almost two years.with quite a few ups and downs.

[SaraSmile]

Late but wanted to...

...say Hi and tell you I was looking for this topic and found this thread. I am thankful for the discussion and getting some opinions.
In past relationships, I never had a big problem with my partner's masturbation. Maybe I just didn't care. I am in a fairly new relationship of two years and just recently became more aware of his masturbation. It's not that I didn't think he did, but I sort of put it out of my mind thinking we were having sex enough and he must be doing it minimally...I do it minimally, so I figured we were well suited to each other. However, I am very insightful about what's going on in my relationship(s) most of the time, and I did think of the fact that he (my BF) did not have much time to be alone to masturbate unless he was doing it in the shower, and he was not a shower masturbator from the very few comments he made previously. So, when our schedules were changing. I seemed to pic up some anticipation on his part, he would be having some alone time...maybe a lot of alone time. He seemed to be looking forard to it. I think he **missed** his alone time to masturbate, which he had a lot more of at one time several months ago. He would now be having more. One day he was asking what my schedule was and seemed interested in all the details. I picked up on it, however subtle. Sure enough, I set up a little test to see if he would go into our porn stash. He did the very first time I left earlier than him for work!- although I must admit it had been 3-4 days since we had had sex. Still. He had one extra hour before work and that is how he used it. I knew it! I said nothing. Second time, it was a week later to the day. We had had sex the day before. I again saw he had been into the porn and even saw evidence of his ejaculation he forgot to throw away! I confronted him and, unfortunately, probably embarrassed him. I feel bad. Thing is, it was a shock to my ego. I wondered why he looked forward to it (time alone to masturbate) so much that I could feel his anticipation days ahead of time! I just knocked me for a loop. Any insights?
Laney, it sounds like we are in similar situations, but I am trying to understand him.

[rcoreyus]

Some men need (or feel they need) release frequently (for some daily). As long as he is not avoiding sex with you, I don't see a problem. If you are curious about his motivation, next time he seems to be planning some "alone time", give him a chance for some "together time" instead. Or if you suspect his is about to do himself, just go do him yourself.

If at those times you don't feel like having sex with him, then there should be no problem with him pleasuring himself.