[Stillness]

you are not representative of everybody.

So sorry to tell you you're wrong here, jen1447. You either don't know Obelisk or you don't know everybody. His standard is universal, at least in North America.

[rcoreyus]

As the thread wanders. I think Jen1447 has a much more open view of marriage / relationships than the majority of people do. To her it seems reasonable (if I'm understanding correctly), that in a happy relationship if there is something sexual that one person wants, it wouldn't be bad (with permission) for them to find that with someone else. Some people reacted with shock.

I'm mixed on this. I would like to believe that it wouldn't bother me at all if my wife had another lover, and that I could find a lover who would do the things for me that my wife doesn't like. I think though that for **me** the reality is different, emotions would get all tied up with physical intimacy and it wouldn't work. Sort of the way a 3-some sounds like fun for me as a fantasy, but probably wouldn't work well in reality.

I thin Jen1447s views are well off the mainstream - which is fine, I think most people would be happier if they had her attitude. I wonder (no offense intended here) if it is partially due to her being bisexual: Another woman who was attractive to her boyfriend would be attractive to Jen as well. The thought of them together might be more appealing / arousing than jealousy inducing. For example I would not be in the slightest bothered if my wife wanted to be with another woman - the conceptual "hotness" of that would way outweigh any jealousy (even if I didn't get to join the fun). Since I'm not attracted to other men, there isn't that same effect in picturing my wife with another man.

just keeping the conversation going....

[Obelisk]

So sorry to tell you you're wrong here, jen1447. You either don't know Obelisk or you don't know everybody. His standard is universal, at least in North America.

I find it strange that to her, looking for satisfaction with another partner is a reasonable option in anything but the most extreme cases.

She mentioned sexual disfunction (which I assume she's referring to ED) and total disability.

So if a guy can't get it up, that's automatic reason for the woman to demand to sleep with another man?

I remember watching a documentary on TV. I can't remember the name, but they had a couple where the woman had some vaginal condition that made it very painful for her during any penetration and it was killing her sex life with her husband. So did the husband have a right to start demanding to sleep with another woman because, you know, his wife can't take care of business? In the end they ended up doing a surgery that removed some sensitive issue or something, and at least physically this apparently helped her.

Just as jns suggested with his strap on idea, I think if I had a wife and for some reason I couldn't have sex with her directly, that doesn't mean I'm going to immediately think about another woman. I would rather be with my wife, and maybe supplement with one of those male sex toys like the Fleshlight?

Total disability might be a candidate, but even then it's a pretty cold alternative.

[Obelisk]

the reality is different, emotions would get all tied up with physical intimacy and it wouldn't work.

I think this is probably the case for most people, but who knows?

[jen1447]

Thanks rcoreyus, that's pretty close to the mark for me. I don't think we should pursue the 'saga of Jen' specifically here though - this is stigggger's thread and he still has some pretty serious issues to deal with. It sounds like anything of the sort of what I proposed is totally off the table for him, so maybe we could pursue the topic elsewhere if need be so as not to subject him to it any further.

[atskitty2]

Getting back to helping stiggger...I don't think your wife said things to hurt you. Doesn't Dr Phil say something along the lines of, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge".
Maybe you can't change your size, or hers, but you know that she has unfulfilled needs so that can be changed, right?
I think trying different things could bring a lot to the table. She was at least somewhat satisfied with you for some length of time, right? So maybe if you use a large dildo or strap on occasionally will be all she needs. Mix it up. Change positions and add other toys or roll playing, food, new locations, whatever it is that gets you going.
Take a getaway weekend for 2 and focus on romance and sexually rediscovering one another.
There are so many options to make it better. And if there is variety, sexy time may not always seem lacking for her, or you in the size department.
From what you said, as a woman, it does not sound to me like she's giving up. She's trying to work on it...she's reaching out to you and telling you what she needs and wants.
Have the confidence that she loves you and she wants you. There's nothing about everyone's sex life that's perfect, and at least you know what you're up against! Work it boy! Lol

Seriously tho, things will maybe get worse before they get better, but they can get better, and will, if you continue openly discussing and staying receptive. You've only lost when you give up, or she gives up.

[DreamP346]

What has happened and what was said is done. Nothing can change that. All you can do is move forward. It seems both you and your wife has issues with sex. Here are some suggestions. I hope they work for you.

First, sit down and have a long and meaningful conversation. Needs to be done without the kids around, not when you are all tired at the end of the day and definitely not during or after sex. You need to rekindled your commitment to each other. If the motivation to changes isn't there, then nothing will ever change.

Second, go see a therapist, preferably a sex therapist who is also a marriage counselor. You need to work on confidence and how to spice things up. Your wife needs to work on communication, helping you with your confidence (based on what you have written so far, it sounds like she contributes to your insecurities), doing muscle strengthening exercises and learning to enjoy sex beyond the big and hard idea.

There are many suggestions like using toys, etc that you can do. But I really think the issues you two have are more mental than physical. She will never be satisfied with any size if she continues to want hard and big but doesn't want to do any muscle toning exercises. You can do penis extensions but if you are not confident in your sex life or change the way you have sex, it really doesn't matter. Many women will tell you here, it's not the size, but the way you use it. So if your skills in the bedroom as poor, a larger penis will not compensate. Deal with the mental/psychological issues both of you have (because it really doesn't sound like a one sided problem). Then you can consider if penis enlargement is what you really want.

[Obelisk]

There are many suggestions like using toys, etc that you can do. But I really think the issues you two have are more mental than physical. She will never be satisfied with any size if she continues to want hard and big but doesn't want to do any muscle toning exercises

Excellent post!

Only thing I'd be wary of is marriage counsellors. I've heard some pretty awful stories about them. Other than that I think generally I completely agree with everything you said.

[jilljames8184]

Honestly girls, have you ever been totally satisfied? We tend to get accustom to what we are penetrated with on a regular bases. If we had a husband with a monster ****; we would still want more. After a while it seems sex is more emotional pleasure that physical pleasure. My husband is small; it's more making love and less sex.

[tjm0824]

The only thing we "have to" do in life is die. Everything else is optional. So, no, he doesn't HAVE TO accept what she said to him just because it's the truth. That doesn't even make sense. This is exactly why a woman's sexual past matters. THIS is why men care about a woman's number. The higher the number, the higher the chance of this being the result. If I were him I'd never touch my wife again.