[jen1447]

Why some women reject nice guys and want "bad boys" - only to be surprised when they are well.... bad, but sometimes still get turned on by it, other times angered by it, and other times angered by the fact they're turned on or turned on by the fact they're angered, and other times totally turned off, possibly until later, depending on how we feel and if our other needs are being met while contrasted against our desire to be 'taken,' sometimes, unless we happen to not want that at the moment, in which case you should be able to see that and behave accordingly, except if what we really want is for you to do it anyway, which you should also know when and when not to do without us telling you, and oh be prepared for us to change our minds on a whim and you can't be at all judgmental about it, unless we want you to be

would be more like it. For starters.

[JonDoe]

I'm starting to think that sexual inequality is not as bad as it sounds. If two people love (actions, not feelings) each other, then you can work through. No one has exactly the same drive at all times, but plenty of people have a fulfilling sex life.

I'm not talking about a simple difference in sex drives, such as he wants it three times a week, but she only wants it twice. The quote below reiterates what I am referring to as sexual inequality.

[Sexual inequality is] an unhealthy imbalance in marriage where one spouse is always responsible for initiating sex and the other spouse always decides if the couple will have sex, and the decision is usually no. In this scenario, typically the husband initiates and the wife makes the decision, but as other posters will attest, the roles are sometimes reversed.

This is unhealthy for a marriage and can even become destructive if the rejection is typically negative and doesn't offer a compromise such as "Sorry, I'm not in the mood right now, but I look forward to be alone with you tonight."

[Stillness]

I'm not talking about a simple difference in sex drives

Ah. Yes, I agree with you. I would even categorize "not in the mood" in the unhealthy category. There has to be blood, pain, or at least some extreme exhaustion or we've got a problem.

[DreamP346]

I'd be really interested to see how many women agree / disagree with Stillness.

I don't know if you would call it bad boy, but I like a guy with back bone. I am a control freak, so most of the times I want to make the decision. But I don't want somebody incapable of making decisions. Simple example, I want to be able to pick the restaurant 75% of the time and him be happy with my choice (not just give in, but actually enjoy my choice). But during that 25%, I want him to be ABLE to make a strong decision and not just keep saying "wherever you want to go."

It more about being assertive as well as accommodating. It's being able to be Mr emotional and make sweet love, but also be Master Dom. It's having that balance.

[jen1447]

I'd be really interested to see how many women agree / disagree with Stillness.

lol ....one thing it seems most guys don't understand (and it's a little baffling to me how they don't honestly, but hey you're guys and you have your special challenges ) is that most modern women don't just want you to be 'the man,' they want you to be 'the man' within the context of them first being 'the woman.' That doesn't mean FLRs in all cases (tho sometimes it does), it means a foundation of equality. So we are content for you to act like that, and it can be a turnon, as long as you recognize that it's actually not a caveman deal and we're just as empowered as you at the core of things. It's when you don't that we have a problem. It's just playing with traditional gender stereotypes that still sometimes appeal. So acting like the man can be fun, but you're not really a master of anything, certainly not a grown, competent and independent woman. Trying that with a fully functional modern woman (and there are plenty of us who aren't quite that yet, unfortunately, which may promote those fundamentally wrong and archaic notions to persist) will generally get you nowhere at best and kicked out/straightened out/made right in fairly short order. Don't worry tho, we still dig you for the most part, despite all your cute little quirks.

[rcoreyus]

Any hints as to when the 25% of the time happens?.......

Seriously this is a problem for me. I care a LOT more about whether my wife is happy at dinner than which particular restaurant we go to. I like food, and I have preferences, but it really doesn't matter that much. So I tend to fall into the "wherever you want to go" behavior. I could pretend to prefer and ask to go to the places that I know she wants to go, but that doesn't see right either.

In bed there is a related problem. My wife will never **tell** me what she wants, but I already know the things she likes, and there is a pretty strong dividing line - things she doesn't like she really doesn't want to do. If she asks what I want, if I suggest the things I like but she doesn't she gets unhappy because she doesn't like doing those things. So I suggest things that I know she likes. It may seem like I'm "taking control" but of course I'm not really.

It may be that a lot of women want their men to "take control", but use that control to only do what the women want anyway. Sort of "topping from the bottom".

I don't know if you would call it bad boy, but I like a guy with back bone. I am a control freak, so most of the times I want to make the decision. But I don't want somebody incapable of making decisions. Simple example, I want to be able to pick the restaurant 75% of the time and him be happy with my choice (not just give in, but actually enjoy my choice). But during that 25%, I want him to be ABLE to make a strong decision and not just keep saying "wherever you want to go."

It more about being assertive as well as accommodating. It's being able to be Mr emotional and make sweet love, but also be Master Dom. It's having that balance.

[JonDoe]

It may be that a lot of women want their men to "take control", but use that control to only do what the women want anyway. Sort of "topping from the bottom".

This is so very true! And further more, some "want", while others "expect".

[kdc]

That's why you've got to grab that butt sometimes - kinda hard, like a spank followed by a grip. . . . That's my understanding. That doesn't make you bad. It makes you a man.

In my house, that would make you a dead man. ;-)

[Stillness]

Our bodies don't care what numbers are on the calendar or what our philosophies are. We are what we have always been. If a man and woman are in the bed and there's a bump in the night, 999 times out of 1,000, she's looking to him to act. No?

"The man" to me doesn't mean "tyrant." It means you're a servant, so you do let her have her way most of the time and put her before yourself. When she gets her way, it's not a limp-wristed concession. It's an acknowledgement that her way is good and her expression is crucial to success. It means humility and gentleness, but firmness when you see the need to act for the best interest of your people. I think that's universal and timeless.

I was sorta joking about the tripping and the barbarism, but if you say that the man is not master, then his woman isn't mistress. If he is king, then she's queen, right? I think humans have dominated each other so much that we've become overly-sensitive to authority and duty, even when they're healthy. If I'm going to get my face punched in by the rowdy bunch of drunks that decided they wanted to grab you and I sleep in a pink bedroom, in the rare instance when I assert my "kingship," I don't want eyes-rolled. I want to hear, "Yes, my Lord."

[Stillness]

jen, what is an "FLR?"