[rcoreyus]

The never tried it seems like a point here.

Thanks for the responses. I appreciate the feedback.

To answer a question, no she has never tried it. The vomiting is a hypothetical reaction that has been brought up as a concern.

[Lady Syrinx]

I don't have a small mouth or significant gag reflex. I do, however, have issues because of an unfortunate meeting between my jaw and a putter in sophomore year gym class. I'm not sur, ebut I assume it's mild TMJ. No pain it just pops when I open to wide. I haven't chewed gum since high school and I can only open mouth so far at the dentist. The first few times I performed oral on my now-husband my jaw sounded like a bag of microwave popcorn I didn't let it bother me, my jaw eventually became accustomed to it and the popping stopped. I think that h he believed that he was causing me pain, he still doesn't let me do for very long periods. Which is a shame because he has a wife who actually enjoys it.

[Justice]

The never tried it seems like a point here.

As an emetophobic I have never tried drinking (to excess) or sticking my finger down my throat.
Some people have no desire to do anal, should they be forced to. Should a straight man be required to take penis in his mouth/anus in order to understand.

I found the saying I was looking for. . .When it comes down to the difference between a man and a woman's role in Oral (taking it/coming in the mouth ) it is like ham and eggs. . .

"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed."

When it comes to ejaculating into a woman's mouth - I say she gets the final say - it is invasive for the woman, it is not for the man.

[Trixareforkids]

As an emetophobic...

Justice, as an emetophobic you are projecting here. I too have a small mouth for which they use the child's tray, I gag so bad when they do xrays that they literally have to RUN to get the shot off and I have to pull away sometimes while they're actually working on me (got sealant all over my lip last visit because of this). I have jaw pain when I laugh, smile or chew too much and though I'm not an emetophobic I will go to great lengths to avoid throwing up because when I do it's so bad that I've passed out from lack of oxygen on more than one occasion, and I"M still willing to do this.

He clearly stated that she doesn't have a problem with oral, just a fear of the taste/texture making her gag/throw up, which let's face it, most women have a touch of this anxiety about this the 1st time. So I do not at all feel that this query is out of line, honestly having latex in my mouth would make ME gag. She's said she'd like to be able to do it but is just afraid, so I presented the oyster test which, as long as she's not allergic, is a much less stressful way of testing the waters. Obviously if she tried that and couldn't do it, it would cement the no, but if she tried and COULD do it, then maybe she wouldn't be quite so anxious and could give it a try, both for him and for herself. With all the things I have standing in the way of my doing it I still manage occasionally and I quite enjoy it, both for his enjoyment and my own little power trip.

Intercourse is invasive and there are plenty of women who cannot O from it, yet they still do that, even when it's uncomfortable and/or is actually a tad painful. This desire and request is no more invasive in my mind than intercourse.

[Justice]

Justice, as an emetophobic you are projecting here. . . .I will go to great lengths to avoid throwing up because when I do it's so bad that I've passed out from lack of oxygen on more than one occasion, and I"M still willing to do this.

He clearly stated that she doesn't have a problem with oral, just a fear of the taste/texture making her gag/throw up, which let's face it, most women have a touch of this anxiety about this the 1st time. So I do not at all feel that this query is out of line, honestly having latex in my mouth would make ME gag. . . .

Intercourse is invasive .. . . This desire and request is no more invasive in my mind than intercourse.

Da-n woman I am projecting?
You are willing to pass out from lack of oxygen but "I'm still willing to do this" Congrats but SHE IS NOT. now who is projecting. I was trying to explain how some people might have LEGIT reasons. She is already giving him oral (and taking him into her mouth "internal" so I am not saying she has MY issues. I am saying she has her own reasons and she has a right to have them RESPECTED. If she's talked about letting him find someone ELSE to do this for him, she has decided that she does not want to do it and he wants to make her; She has a right to decide what particular acts are for HER (not you, and not even him.)

She doesn't do it because she is afraid of throwing up. Her issues are texture (too thick and sticky) and how it feels in her mouth when I orgasm"

My point about it being invasive is not to compare it with intercourse it is to point out that it a hell of a lot easier to be "for it" (anything) when you are the "receiving" (involved) party; when you are the chicken not the pig in that saying. Answer the rest of my points.
Plus in other posts some men even think it is demeaning to ejaculate on their woman's face.

How hot or romantic is it to make your woman throw up? (regardless if either is emetophobic)

The OP wrote "One of the things I would like to experience "... what if it was having his wife have DDs when she is a B? What if was seeing her DP by two strangers? What if it is anal and she fears damage and anal leakage? My point is some people/woman are willing or enjoy these, but if another is not, their wishes should be respected.

I guess I took offense (?) at your projecting comment. but again what YOU are willing to do is not the issue and I really don't like the coercion by the "uncommitted".

[Stillness]

The pig analogy doesn't make any sense here. I don't think he expects his wife to sacrifice her life to satisfy him. He also wasn't talking about forcing her. His question was about help with addressing his wife's concerns. Why make it out to be something so dramatic?

[Justice]

The pig analogy doesn't make any sense here. I don't think he expects his wife to sacrifice her life to satisfy him. He also wasn't talking about forcing her. His question was about help with addressing his wife's concerns. Why make it out to be something so dramatic?

Oye I OBVIOUSLY did not mean literally, good Lord. My point is that he (many of you) feel you have the right to tell this woman or any person what they need to be willing to do. Come on Mike-y, you'll like it. . . C'mon you have not tried cocaine so you cannot say that you won't like it. You have not had oysters so since I like them you have to eat them (and you won't throw up since I can make myself swallow them....

She is already him inside her mouth. She is "Committed" in that regard, he is "Involved". Some of the posters (male and female) cannot seem to get the point that it is different. That penises and fluids going INTO a women makes it different than external acts. I generally like and respect rcoreyus's posts but to compare giving a massage (really) and his dealing with his own snoring was like REALLY DUDE, REALLY?

I don't know many people who enjoy sleeping with loud snorers. And actually to use snoring, it would be the wife/non-snorer who compared to the OP's wife in this case, not the snorer. Honey if you loved me you would sleep next to me every night - even if it mean that you were miserable and get no sleep, because I want you to.

It does not sound like he (or at least some of the posters) want to

address his wife's concerns

it seems like he and some of the women posters want to help him, want to coerce her... look these women do it and like it (or are willing to risk passing out or vomit) so you should to.

[atskitty2]

I think in many loving and committed relationships, we try new things for our partner that we may initially be hesitant about. I think it's good to try things and to be a giving partner. All those years ago, I thought I'd gag and spew too, but I tried it once, it was OK, nothing bad happened. So I tried again and now I do much more...

It's a fine line tho. If she is adamant, drop it. There may come a day in her sexual growth and your relationship that she decides to try it. If she is questioning and opening up to the idea, then I see nothing wrong with encouraging her.
But if she is against it altogether, just let it go for now.

[jen1447]

^ What kitty said.

It seems to me that the chain of events here was -

1. Ask wife to swallow
2. Be told no, with reasons
3. Ask her if she's sure
4. Be told yes
(So far we're good here)
5. Search for ways to compel her to do it anyway
(No longer good)

The points about the nature of gagging and vomiting being serious are genuine, but what's really at the heart of this is simple respect. His wife said she doesn't want to do this. If he explored it further in discussion and got it clearly verified that she isn't the swallowing type, than as a human being whose wishes must be respected, it's over. If that were really such an issue for him (not sure it was, he actually sounds fairly easy going in general), he should have selected a different partner. The whole swallowing question isn't really one that should first come up years into a relationship.

For the record I have no issue with revisiting it later in discussion, and I doubt Justice does, but a no should always be taken as a no, no matter what her reasons.

[rcoreyus]

This is one of the most amazingly divisive issues in sex. Clearly this has some deep psychological connection in various ways for some men and some women. Clearly not all though, there are women who consider it to not be a big deal, and men who aren't particularly interested. Maybe the men who are most interested in this are the ones who's partners least want to do it - it becomes the "thing they cannot have" and becomes a symbol of their partner's lack of affection. It may become a symbol of a power struggle in the relationship.

Sex is tricky. Its easy to say that people should not do things they don't want, but that can lead to very one-sided relationships - where one person is willing to do all they can for their partner and the other will only do the things that they personally enjoy. Where to draw the line is of course tricky.

In this particular case, his wife seems happy to give him head with a condom, so there is no mechanical gagging / choking issue. Is the taste so awful that she should't even try once? I have a bunch of friends who all wanted to try durian (IMHO the worst tasting thing in the world), just to find out how bad it was.

FWIW, I really enjoy getting BJs. For many years I'd ask maybe once a year, and my wife would agree once every few years. Then a couple of years ago she started doing this once a year as my birthday present (certainly my favorite one).

No one should be forced to do anything, but if your partner really wants something, I think it is good to really try to do it.