[miffed23]

Hello all, i need your advice.

From the very beginning, he was the one who promoted the affair - shamefully i didnt argue, but i also didnt 'push him'. Nothing happened for the first 2 months,just phone calls and text messages..it was around the 2 month mark i found out that he was married and obviously i backed off but he continued to chase.

Anyhoo,its 7 months down the line and weve kissed, talked a lot, things went quite far the other day and im starting to believe that he is falling for me..which isnt what i wanted as im aware that a married man will rarely ever leave his wife.

Ive a feeling if things keep continuing as they are (hes booking a night away next week) then i am going to fall for him and things will become very difficult.

What would you all suggest? Any advice very much appreciated (good or bad)

[Little]

Cut all ties. Don't take his calls, don't see him, don't talk to him.
Tell him to bring you the divorce papers before you'll talk to him again.
I know it's hard; everybody wants to see other people as just people with good inside their hearts, but some people have serious problems, like this man.
You aren't losing anything by letting him go.

[C]

Honey, I think you know this without asking....He is going to book the room and you are going to go and no matter what anyone says here, it is not going to stop you.....You know you are wrong but that sexual hunger in you has been awaken......BUT

Remember he belongs to another.....What you are taking is not yours........You will probably end up getting hurt and loving him with no possible avenue of escape......And what if his wife finds out.....Do you have the right to destroy her?......You will now own the title of being the other woman.......Do you want this to be your badge of honor that you will wear?....

Honey, you know the answer.......Now, let your conscience be your guide...Much love to you...Caroline

[miffed23]

Thank you both kindly for your responses.

Little - you are so right. I know deep down its the best thing to do, and if i ask him to show me the divorce papers before we next speak then ill know for sure then. I know, again, that he wont though.

Caroline - you too are right, i dont want or neither do i have any right to take him away from his wife. He tells me he is very unhappily married and blah blah... Ill have to try and prove you wrong about the hotel - ill try my hardest to say no!

I did just want the passion, sex and that be that..but im believing he is starting to get feelings...wish he wasnt...but still then it is wrong.

Thank you so much!

[Richard S]

The most likely ending is three broken hearts. More, if children are involved.

Remember, he walked into a church, and he gave his word.

He was a grown man and knew exactly what he was doing when he did that.

The only other option is to play it like, "OK, we do this once and that's it. We are two ships that pass in the night." But there's know way to know that his heart can handle that, or yours.

Good luck.

[C]

Honey, you can only make it worse...Walk away.....Don't bite that apple that is tempting you.....Until he is divorced, stay away from him.....Far, far away.....MAYBE FOREVER....Love, Caroline

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Kissing is "the" most powerful tool. 12 months ago or more:- Think back:- What was the last thing you remember doing that was so exciting you couldn't forget about it for a week? Remember? Now how long has it been since you remembered that? This you will never forget once that excitement has gone, it will stay with you for life. If he is "un-happy" in his marriage then he is also "un-happy" in their bedroom, you have made an awakening for him that now he is dreaming of over and over. But what is that dream? You laying naked? When he has finished with that dream - someone will ask the above question 5 years from now and when they ask him how long has it been since you remembered that? Chances are, he had to go past number 2, and 3 before doing so because "you" gave him the power to know he can do it............ Not worth it in my books, knowing that one day i'll wake up feeling used and try to just remember how "hot" it was but cant because of that horrid taste in my mouth it left............... Walk.......................... CW

[miffed23]

The only other option is to play it like, "OK, we do this once and that's it. We are two ships that pass in the night." But there's know way to know that his heart can handle that, or yours.

Good luck.

I could easily handle that.. and to be quite brutally honest, that is what i want. Im not sure how he's react.

Thus, posing another question; would it be 'okay' (and i use okay in flippant way) if i went ahead and fulfilled that night of passion and then walked away? As he says thats what he wants....should i lay down ground rules before, such as this is going to be it, nothing else.

[miffed23]

Kissing is "the" most powerful tool. 12 months ago or more:- Think back:- What was the last thing you remember doing that was so exciting you couldn't forget about it for a week? Remember? Now how long has it been since you remembered that? This you will never forget once that excitement has gone, it will stay with you for life. If he is "un-happy" in his marriage then he is also "un-happy" in their bedroom, you have made an awakening for him that now he is dreaming of over and over. But what is that dream? You laying naked? When he has finished with that dream - someone will ask the above question 5 years from now and when they ask him how long has it been since you remembered that? Chances are, he had to go past number 2, and 3 before doing so because "you" gave him the power to know he can do it............ Not worth it in my books, knowing that one day i'll wake up feeling used and try to just remember how "hot" it was but cant because of that horrid taste in my mouth it left............... Walk.......................... CW

Thank you for your (always) super advice hon. I can truthfully say though that i know what mess ive got myself into and i really really dont think ill feel used. That sounds bad i know, because i am being used to satisify his desires...but at the same time, he is satisfying mine, i am indeed using him.

I need to walk... just need to find an easy way

[Richard S]

I could easily handle that.. and to be quite brutally honest, that is what i want. Im not sure how he's react.

Thus, posing another question; would it be 'okay' (and i use okay in flippant way) if i went ahead and fulfilled that night of passion and then walked away? As he says thats what he wants....should i lay down ground rules before, such as this is going to be it, nothing else.

Yes, that is definitely one way of handling it. Guys tend to like it when a woman says, "Yes, but here are the terms." It's the "Yes" that matters.

In general, men cheat for the sense of conquest. One night of sweet conquest can last in a guy's heart for a long time. It may even give him what he needs to go back and patch up his marriage.

Or... it may not work out like that at all and the whole thing will turn into a disaster. There is no way to know what's inside Pandora's Box until you open it.