[damd]

Just wanted to say hello Carl, and how are you doing?

[Guest]

Erm im sad and down, i go see Louise tomorrow but i dunno if can tell her what you all say is a must, she will ask about if ive got hard since the operation and how im doing, she will be asking me about sex things again as thats all she asks about, in away im sad as i wanted help but i feel like im worse now i dont even feel happy, only time i do and u all maybe laugh at me, i know louise will ask about being numb and say she wants to but me in care, its all scary i fink she hates me now. it was me that went for help about all this, and now i feel sad not better feels like im going backwards and not forwards. i just dont know what will happen next.

carl

[maz33]

Well?

Hi Carl

How did it go today? Seeing Louise I mean...

Did you tell her any more about your mum etc? We're all interested to know how it's going for you so keep in touch please.

Btw would you please answer my pm.

Take care

[Guest]

Hi

Yeah i went today but it didnt go very well, infact was a bad day and i got really upset, she asked many things, and i got examined, but i will post tomorrow as im pretty down and no1 want to know so, will post tomorrow.

Sorry :s

[Guest]

Ok well i went to louise today and it wasnt good for me at all, we talked alot sexualy and she wanted to talk about the young girls that excite me sexualy and i masturbate to, she asked about the ages im into and if it goes for little boys aswell, i told her and she was worried again and brought the numbing up saying she thinks thats the next best way to go, but they will need to monitor me sexually, and with that thats when she told me to take my trousers off and i had to get on examing table, and she went and got the dr that did op, and she examined my and said i was healing fine and the infection as gone now, she asked if there was any pain and felt around i was fine, then she said they needed to examine my penis sexualy and said i might get aroused but not to be embarssed as she need to see how sencity i am, they asked me to try get it hard first.....

Louise went on to ask how things are at home and if i was still exposing myself to my mommy, and if i was using her used underwaer to masturbate with, or if i was doing it on my mommys bed, but i told her i hadnt asyet, she asked how many times i had got hard since the op and told her everyday since the op accept on the day and the next day i wasnt hard, she asked when i was hard did i masturbate and i said no and she say why not, i told her i was to sore, with that she said i need to keep a record when im hard when i masturbate, she went on to say she thinks there is more going on at home between me and my mommy, she asked if mommy was still washing, bathing, dressing me and if she had ever touched me sexualy in the bath or gettin dressed, i didnt know what to say and got upset and went red, she said she will leave it for now but she went on to say she will recommend putting me in care to her boss as she thinks i need help,

I did admit to her that to help me relax that i had a dummy and a milk bottle that helps me relax, she asked in what way i just said if im sad or crying i will suck my dummy, and she said do i think i want to be cared for like a baby would be and i said yes, she wrote it down and said dummy is ok but she thinks theres alot more im not telling her and if i cant she cant give me the help i need, but i couldnt tell her i was to scared and ashamed.

this is just some she asked, im not great at remembering things sometimes i forget but, give u an idea, i dont know what to do or what will happen anymore, and what i do know is i feel very alone.

SORRY ALL

carl

[maz33]

I think all of our posts should make you see that you're not alone. People dont spend time on others for no good reason do they?

Keep strong and keep talking with as much honesty as possible and you'll get through this.

[Hystorm]

May I suggest that you write down everything that your mum has done with you/for you in the tub, etc as you have grown up. It may be much, much easier than telling her (your doc) vocally. You could even find all your posts here that explain in detail what your mum does and did and then just print them out and take them in (assuming you have a printer).

Your doc needs to know everything your mum has done because if she does not, she will simply think YOU are the nuts one and put you in rehab, etc.
If you explain all the things your mum has done, she will then realize you are not crazy, that it is due to your up-bringing, etc!

No, your mum will not get into trouble; there is nothing they can do to her.
You have been an adult for so long, the law cannot touch her.
Therefore, you really should consider telling all and getting it off your chest.
Once that’s done, they can proceed to prescribe the correct meds for your situation. So far, your up-bringing experiences have cost you your nads.
Do you want it to cost you your freedom?

Think about it.

Good luck.

[Guest]

Personally you have too many issues and your not going to find your answers here....No one here is equipped or experienced in dealing with someone that has condition or feelings like your having. Maybe a hooker would help maybe it wouldn't no one here knows. Not even the so called experts that think they do. Keep going to therpy and resist your urges of being different Good luck....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Carl,

I'm pleased that you discussed some things with Louise that's great.

Hystorm
No, your mum will not get into trouble; there is nothing they can do to her.
You have been an adult for so long, the law cannot touch her.
Therefore, you really should consider telling all and getting it off your chest.
Once that’s done, they can proceed to prescribe the correct meds for your situation. So far, your up-bringing experiences have cost you your nads.
Do you want it to cost you your freedom?

Think about it.

You know Hystorm's Opinion is a good one. It's good to get things off your chest, and we know, those that have been here for the past two months with you, from the first post to 200 some later, that you are only wanting to talk and that's good. That's what Forums are for, to get things off your chest and talk to people about them.

The Professionals, Louise and Judith know what they are doing I am sure and you can tell them anything that you say here, or ask them anything that people may suggest as their "opinions here"...

I know you don't want a "Hooker" either, as you feel more like a little girl these days not a man losing your virginity which i think really was the start of your Thread until you started to delve deeper into what you were thinking.

But, keep sharing we are happy to hear your progress.

Good for you for telling more to Louise as well.

CW

[Guest]

ok i need to say somethink and this will upset you as well as myself........

You recently had two people join the forums aka girl_gymnast and Steelbutterfly, and this hurt to admit it was me, i dont think much of myself and to be honest i have more respect for dog poo then i do myself, and it was me that posted im not sure why but many know im screwed in the head and i did it wanting you all to hate me, and when i posted here i didnt think anyone would post let alone 200 posts and ive cried alot, but lain reason i lied is i didnt think i deserved the responce i got, especially from women, it hurt to be honest, and now im upset and crying for what i did, ppl asked if it was me and i said no it want, and now i feel i let them down aswell as myself and now i dont know what to do, i will understand if im not welcome here anymore im just sorry for lieing to you all, im not going to make excuses i screwed up i lied i let you all down, not oging to say what i feel right now but since 2 ppl asked me the questions its been burning me up as i lied to them and i dont lie so to them that asked im so so so sorry from the bottom of my heart, and will understand if im banned from here in the near future.

SORRY ALL

carl