[CHANDLERS WISH]

I guess trust is a big thing.

I suspect that there are other things that have happened but not anything else lied about.

People tell things through "trust" and that's up to Carl if he wants to keep opening up and tell more things about himself i think, here on a Forum or other ways of communicating.

I also suspect Carl doesn't hate women... But, all his Doctor's are women... So when he is upset, he is upset with women.

People share things I think when they feel comforatable and trust people....

CW

[Guest]

Ok went to see louise etc this week and was very hard the things she asked me, but after what i did here recently im not sure if im welcome anymore, im prob being an idiot but saying that whats new, i hate myself for lieing and pretending to be some1 im not, and feel ive let sorten people down, i guess the reason i did it was in away i wanted you to all hate me, especially about the sexual issues im having but i found it hard sometimes were u all was so nice to me and made me feel welcome, and the days i did it i was down and i guess wanted some1 to say i need putting away or im sick i dont know, i just know i feel ashamed of myself for doing what i did and letting some of you down, but again all i can say is sorry to everyone of you.

Ok DAMD ask me a question well he asked a couple, i will try to answer but im not great with questions as i get confused becuz im thick i guess.

Why are you here? - I dont know, i dont have any friends in RL anymore having lost them all, and not sure why i posted here in the first place, maybe to get some other peoples opinions about what im going through especially from the women mostly, but i did like the compassion i got but in away couldnt understand why people were so nice to me, when ive never had anyone be nice so i took it as a negetive if that makes sence and tried to push ppl away who were being nice when i pretend to be steel or girl, but regret that ever since as most have been nice to me here and it was hard to deal with yet comferting if that makes sence.

Who are you and what are your problems? - Im Carl - MaleVirgin, and will nto be steel or girl ever again, as for my problems you know them all... most anyway.

What is your issue with women? - I really dont have a problem with women as such, yes they hurt me when i was at school but now it is hard as its women thats trying to sort me out and a woman that got me castrated, but hand on my heart i dont have a problem with women as such.

What have you lied about before and what are you hidding from us now? - I havnt lied only about being girl and steel, most of what i have posted as been from the heart, and not sure why i have been so honest here then i have been with Louise, Judith and the Dr, just sometimes i feel better explainin as such whats going on, yes there is many other things i havnt said or told the Drs, maybe that will come out in time, i do get confused when ppl say what my mommy does is wrong and i get so confused and upset, but 99% of the things i have told you all as i say is from the heart.

I dont know if i have answered your question right DAMD if i havnt im sorry, not sure what else to say as not sure im welcome after letting most of you down.

Carl

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Carl,

It's been a while since you've said how you are?

How your feeling?

And where you are at, we would love to know what Louise is thinking and feeling at this point for you...

And, love to support you again and say Hi.

CW

[damd]

No Carl, your answers are fine. The questions posed was mostly for your benefit then mine. You insist that you let us down when it is yourself that has been let down by you. You are lying to yourself and it is important that above all else that you remain true to oneself.

Do you have problems with confusing fantasy with reality? Why do you think that is?

[Guest]

5th january

Been awhile since i last posted here about my sexual problems, most know that Louise and judith sudjested i had my balls cut off which is what happend although it wasnt what i wanted but i didnt have a choice as most know here, but once i was healed i could still get a hard on but no way near as much as i could before my balls were removed, and the first time i was able to masturbate i could stroke and when i was at the point of cumming the freaky thing for me was i couldnt actualy cum although i was able to have all the nice feelings but its was kinda scary for me but will admit once i got used to it i again was masturbating when i was able to get a hard on.

Anyway as things went on i had to see louise every week and when i saw her i would also be sexually examined aswell as talking about the problems and turn ons, but when i was examined and sometimes i would be asked to masturbate to see how easy it would be for me to get turned on and become hard, once louise found out i was becoming sexually aroused nearly all the time both her and the dr that was with her agreed somethink else needed to bed one, thats when she told me she thought it was best that she killed me sex drive plus at the same time a small operation done on my penis to make it numb, so if i try masturbating and when i stroke there will be now sexual feeling at all so then i cant get sexual pleasure at all.

When she said this i did get upset and i didnt want this done, but my view louise didnt care about how i felt end of the day it seemed im a sex offender and she needed to do whatever it was to make sure i dont hurt girls or women sexually, although i would tell her i would never hurt a soul but she comes back saying i already have when i expose myself and masturbate to girls and women and males, so she now needs to do whatever it takes to carm me down sexually and killing my sex drive and making my penis numb is for the best and she will have it done.

2 weeks later she did and im now sexually dead and i have tried masturbating many times but i have no feeling and can no longer get hard and for me its freaky and scary as ive been able to get hardons and masturbate since a young age and now louise, judith and dr have made it so i am sexually dead and if im honest becuz there all "WOMEN" i have so much bitterness towards them for making it i can no longer enjoy masturbating.

It was me that first went for help especially after been caught by a 14yr old, and now im being punished for it, and if i knew at the time that they would remove me balls, kill my sex drive and make my penis numb there is no way in i would have asked for help as it feels like ive taken big steps backwards and now any forwards and im more depressed then ever.


Yes i admit the things i was asked to do like ignore the erectioned and try not to masturbate all the dam time failed 99% of the time but im sure i dont deserve to have my balls cut off, sex drive removed and numb penis just because i would expose myself and masturbate, but she didnt see that enought (louise) she made it so that i have title of a SEX OFFENDER and PAEDOPHILE when i havent done anythink to children.

Some may laugh some may not i think she as a problem with men and is the devil, plus she isnt finished yet on the 5th of january she will admit me to a sex offenders mental hospital long term were i will have further treatments and drugs and prob end up walking round like a zombie not even knowing my name.

Plus althought i cant get it up she as said at night i will be strapped so i cant touch myself u know what a , the only good thing coming out of this is many of u know ive always wanted to be a little girl and i have girlie pjs and socks etc, and have all the barbie dolls and toys and pink dummie, that i can take all this with me and she as said she will have my room done all girlie and thats the only good thing out of all this.

I've always wanted to have a girls bedroom and now i will which is the only part im looking forward to, but even that shes said havin a girls room or even dressed in girls pjs etc there is a risk being in a sex offenderd ward as although at night i will be locked in my room, during the day i wont be and people wont always be there to watch what goes on with other sex offender and some might want things from me.

So she always says do this do that but always a bad thing going on for me, but i really really dont want to go into care...end of the day i didnt want my balls cut off, i didnt want my sex drive killed off and didnt want me penis made numb but end of the day i dont have a say anymore "WOMEN" do it.

so yeah life is even worse for me and will get even worse if the as her way.

Carl

[starvingforsex]

carl...from a victim's point of view...I was sexually abused 5yo(sodomized) making my views on sex skewed. That experience affected my whole life and produced so much guilt, even though I was only 5yo, it was somehow(in my mind) my fault. When I as 19yo, I was engaged. My future father in law also had an obsession with masturbating, and did it while he thought I was sleeping one day. He placed a chair in the doorway of the room I was sleeping in and proceeded to do his thing. I felt trapped and scared. I pretended to be asleep because I didn't know how to handle it. More guilt....I felt as though I caused him to do this. Later, I found out that he had done this and other things to his own daughters. His son to whom I as engaged developed the same obsession, over time. He masturbated in public...on our balcony of our apartment. That particular incident was reported to the police by a neighbor. I found out when the police came to my door and read, word for word, the written complaint. I was devastated. He too, even when confronted with his out of control behavior, could not stop. It cost our marriage and 2 more that he had. He was ordered to take Depekote and professional help. He still has issues 20+ years later. As far as, myself is concerned even though his father didn't physically touch me....his actions hurt me deeply and long term. The prior sexual abuse that had occurred in my life and his actions really did a job on my head. I have been a sex addict for years, looking for acceptance, love, approval, through sex. It is a vicious cycle. Along the way, you had to have had some kind of unhealthy sexual contact with someone that caused your mind to process your sexual thoughts in this way. You are in the right place, talk therapy is good...helps a lot. But just because you have not physically touched a child, doesn't mean that your little whispers online doesn't cause harm....IT DOES. That child Will feel it was their fault they were talked to like that. You are responsible for your actions and Their results!!!!

[Guest]

Well when i first went for help after a friends 14yr old girl caught me masturbating in her parents bedroom, and then the following day she coming down stairs to were i was sleeping begging me to let her watch me again which led to her doing somethink to me and making me cum, after that i decided to get help but to this day if i knew it would lead to a WOMAN havin to take full control of me sexually i dont think i would have asked for help, and she still hasnt finished she wants to admit me to a sex offenders ward in a mental hosptial for further treatment and drugs, to the point i will prob end up being a walkin zombie were i dont even know my own name, tbh i wish i didnt go for help, but maybe im angry as it took woman to help me and was basicaly done against my will once louise got the say so, i dunno just feel alot worse then ever now.

sigh

[Guest]

carl...from a victim's point of view...I was sexually abused 5yo(sodomized) making my views on sex skewed. That experience affected my whole life and produced so much guilt, even though I was only 5yo, it was somehow(in my mind) my fault. When I as 19yo, I was engaged. My future father in law also had an obsession with masturbating, and did it while he thought I was sleeping one day. He placed a chair in the doorway of the room I was sleeping in and proceeded to do his thing. I felt trapped and scared. I pretended to be asleep because I didn't know how to handle it. More guilt....I felt as though I caused him to do this. Later, I found out that he had done this and other things to his own daughters. His son to whom I as engaged developed the same obsession, over time. He masturbated in public...on our balcony of our apartment. That particular incident was reported to the police by a neighbor. I found out when the police came to my door and read, word for word, the written complaint. I was devastated. He too, even when confronted with his out of control behavior, could not stop. It cost our marriage and 2 more that he had. He was ordered to take Depekote and professional help. He still has issues 20+ years later. As far as, myself is concerned even though his father didn't physically touch me....his actions hurt me deeply and long term. The prior sexual abuse that had occurred in my life and his actions really did a job on my head. I have been a sex addict for years, looking for acceptance, love, approval, through sex. It is a vicious cycle. Along the way, you had to have had some kind of unhealthy sexual contact with someone that caused your mind to process your sexual thoughts in this way. You are in the right place, talk therapy is good...helps a lot. But just because you have not physically touched a child, doesn't mean that your little whispers online doesn't cause harm....IT DOES. That child Will feel it was their fault they were talked to like that. You are responsible for your actions and Their results!!!!

What treatment did he have to have done, i mean did he have anythink done about him masturbating in pubic and anythink done with his sex drive like (LOUISE & JUDITH & DR) said was needed to be done to me ?

[starvingforsex]

I left him after several affairs he had. I don't have any idea what happened therapeutically with him. In court, he was ordered to take medication and be treated by a psychiatrist for 6 months, that's all I know. It didn't work, because he was not ready. Rock bottom hadn't hit. He has been in jail for his exhibition. I know he was caught driving around masturbating in his car and showing himself stop lights. He had fantasies about sucking off guys, and lived it out. Bi-curious, I guess. I think he is still, to this day...... sick. Just a little more careful not to get caught. He's also remarried to a woman that accepts his behavior...she does it too. This response probably isn't very helpful, but it helps me. Talking things out helps identify where the pain comes from. TC

[Guest]

So if i may ask means your female, do u agree with what my shrink and doctors have done and plan to do with putting me into a sex offenders ward in a mental hosptial next month, besides what they have done already by court as i didnt have a choice !!! only curious sorry.

carl