[maz33]

I have always had a drink at home with hubby but we like different things- he likes to watch Science Fiction/CSI etc and I like to listen to music. Admittedly, if I drink enough we will have sex (he always goes to bed hours before me but wakes up when I get there!) but there is no chemistry there. More like a duty. He has premature ejaculation every time but wont do anything about it so I feel like it's a waste of time as I'm left unsatisfied!! The saddest thing is that I don't even like to kiss him anymore, but I LOVE to kiss.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have always had a drink at home with hubby but we like different things- he likes to watch Science Fiction/CSI etc and I like to listen to music. Admittedly, if I drink enough we will have sex (he always goes to bed hours before me but wakes up when I get there!) but there is no chemistry there. More like a duty. He has premature ejaculation every time but wont do anything about it so I feel like it's a waste of time as I'm left unsatisfied!! The saddest thing is that I don't even like to kiss him anymore, but I LOVE to kiss.

, did you just describe my last marriage? lol..

Look, i understand this.. I had a few drinks from feeling un-loved, he watched car racing, i was reduced to the kitchen watching what ever, although i like CSI, sorry. Two, he'd play what he liked music wise as well, nothing was joint there... I cooked, cleaned, he sat... Ringing bells?

Mmm, i still didn't have sex even after drinking, cause frankly it was on the side, over and done with sex. But same really. Premature ejacualation? Perhaps sex is way not often. Was he like that before, when you first went out? Un-satisfied, well as sex goes, it's sex, you can still start to feel something and then go d a m n, it's over, and same, i LOVE kissing, but he used that as a control thing.

So, your in my opinion, down and out, depressed again, drinking to feel good, sex with him is exactly that, and not even satisfying, so it feels, cheap, now what your doing is the same, forgive me, cheap, that i never did, but your lusting after sensuality, sexuality so badly your prepared to do what ever to have that missing link.

If he is a "batchelor, does his thing doesn't care about you at all of what you want, no communication.

TIME TO LEAVE.

And, find what you want. You'll stop drinking, or do it to relax, or fun, but you'll also get your dignity back and respect for yourself, as your not in a happy place, and your not in a committed relationship, you just ARE.

cw

[SorridLives]

Thanks for recognising that there is an underlying problem and that I am not just a 'slapper' (although I am acting like one at the moment). I have had problems with depression all my life and have been addicted to drugs and alcohol- I haven't used drugs for a long long time now (hubby rescued me from that life) but still have issues with alcohol. I am actually on a waiting list for psychotherapy now. Sometimes I'm not sure if I use alcohol now as an excuse to end up having sex, or whether the alcohol addiction is the root cause of it. During the day I am an ordinary, respectable mum; everyone knows me and likes me as I am a good person really. It's like I have the devil and angel on my back situation. Anyway sorry for babbling...boy do I need therapy!!

Yes, something like that usually is a reaction or symptom of something else. I hope you feel better and are happier soon!

[maz33]

CW I took some of your advice last night. Sort of...

Had a drink with hubby who then went to bed before me as usual and I stayed up watching Sexcetera, which is (sometimes) great harmless free porn by the way. Well instead of going to bed and maybe having unfulfilling sex and then feeling resentful, I asked hubby to use the bunny on me which he did before we had sex. So I felt good and he did too. I suggested we watch Sexcetera together tonight, you never know it might stop me feeling the need to get it elsewhere! Surely it can't be as simple as that??? Can it???

[CHANDLERS WISH]

CW I took some of your advice last night. Sort of...

Had a drink with hubby who then went to bed before me as usual and I stayed up watching Sexcetera, which is (sometimes) great harmless free porn by the way. Well instead of going to bed and maybe having unfulfilling sex and then feeling resentful, I asked hubby to use the bunny on me which he did before we had sex. So I felt good and he did too. I suggested we watch Sexcetera together tonight, you never know it might stop me feeling the need to get it elsewhere! Surely it can't be as simple as that??? Can it???

LOL.. Um yeah.. The simple things in life are sometimes the best...

He probably felt "INCLUDED" and hense he liked, it and you felt excited over it as well and good fo ryou, watch Sexcetera, "thanks for telling me, had no idea, well apart from the fact that it said sex? " lol.

Seems you may just have some fun after all and seems it may be just that simple.

What's your next hat trick? Fantasy?

Ready?

Off you go.



CW

[Fire(m)]

maz...i don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think you're entering your sexual prime. My s/o did the same thing and yes it does go away (unfortunately, as quickly as it came about). My advice to you is to keep your sexuality at home. I think it was difficult for my s/o to do so when she went through this, but she tells me that she's really glad she did keep her sexuality at home.

Part of her problem was that I was with many, many women before her and she has only been with me. She felt as though she was robbed of her "sexuality" by being with only one person. Once she got past this time (which lasted a couple or 3 years or so) she talked to me about it in depth and said that while she was really tempted to stray she was very thankful that she didn't.

The main thing is to enjoy your sexual prime. This is a beautiful thing and time for you. Have sex with your hubby...bring him back into the picture...show him some of your wildness...masturbate in front of him and show him the tiger you are and he'll perk up. Trust me.

Cheers.

[C]

[quote=maz33;44728]
Had a drink with hubby who then went to bed before me as usual and I stayed up watching Sexcetera, which is (sometimes) great harmless free porn by the way. Well instead of going to bed and maybe having unfulfilling sex and then feeling resentful, I asked hubby to use the bunny on me which he did before we had sex. So I felt good and he did too. I suggested we watch Sexcetera together tonight, you never know it might stop me feeling the need to get it elsewhere! Surely it can't be as simple as that??? Can it???[/quote]

No, it isn't as simple as that...It was as simple as that for that one day...The next day will be different...You will get these sexual urges and here you must truly find yourself...You must understand that he will never be as sexual as you are and you must learn to take care of yourself...If you have a good man and you love him than swallow it...By this I mean swallow your high sexuality...Think of the women that have nothing and you are rolling in heat....Be happy with it and suck it in...It is part of life...If you want to bang some one, write about it but stay home...You know we could all be an animal if we give in to our sexual emotions...BUT seeing he is willing to help you out at times, then appreciate it and help yourself find the contentment you need by either masturbating or writing your own Porn of your feelings....

These are just my thoughts, but honey, many of us live there....Caroline

[Fire(m)]

It's interesting and unfortunate for one partner to have a significantly higher sexual desire than the other partner. One sees this most frequently where the man's libido is considerably higher than that of his s/o. Think of it from those terms for a moment. If I being a man was in the same condition...where my libido was higher than my s/o's, what advice would you give me Bronze?

In truth, this is the way my relationship started out with my s/o. For the first 15 years or so, my desire was significantly higher than my wife's. Just as yours is. In many ways, I just had to suck it up or find a release for this problem (ie masturbation) or if I was that type, I could have messed around on her, but I am just not that type.

Then for a few (say 3 or 4) miraculous years, the tides turned and she was the one who's excitement level outgrew mine. That was an interesting change and I hoped it would last forever. At a minimum, I prayed that it would be enlightening to her in case those tides ever changed again, but the tide went back out to sea and the enlightenment didn't seem to hold true.

Is there a double-standard in this story? Not to hijack the thread in any way...but I'm curious as to what you think.

I do associate and empathize with you Bronze. The problem you have isn't a pleasant one, but I do think that there are a lot of men out there (including myself at present) who feel exactly like you do (except for the fact that I am decided to remain with my wife no matter what) with the sexual frustration level. I know that there are a lot of women out there who share your pain too.

Maybe somehow we can find a solution together.
Cheers.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your only 30, so i suspect your husband is also young.

True, i'm not in a position to ascertain if your husband's sex drive is less.

But, what i did gather and you did feel, was by "including him" the other night, it was actually great, something i suspect hasn't been around for a while and there could be many reasons for this.

But you included him and then wanted to see what happened the following night following your next suggestion to him.

Did that occur?

Fire(m) could be correct 100%, he may not have the same sex drive as you.

(C) could be right as well, therefore, you need to add a bit more in it for yourself.

But the point of this extra bit of email is to say, don't give up on trying to see if it's just a fact that you both kind of lost your way together...

CW

[maz33]

[QUOTE=CHANDLERS WISH;45069]
Your only 30, so i suspect your husband is also young.


Well actually my husband is a good bit older than me. Young for his age but inevitably the years are creeping up and showing themselves more and more.

Unfortunately my good intentions didn't last and I have been very naughty again. I am obsessed with sex, but manage to control myself until I have too much to drink and that's it. Why have I got no self control? I wish I could, as fire rightly said, keep it at home. I'm feeling so bad about myself. I feel like a prostitute. Maybe I should be a prostitute. Maybe that's my destiny...