[Amber]

ok, what about finding another guy?

I'm trying that but there is not many decent single guys out there. It is harder when you get older. I will give in to a lot of things, more so that probably some women but some things I won't give in to. As for the guys, they have their standards also and what they will or will not go for. A lot of them are set in their ways. So I'm looking but no luck so far. It is not that easy to just find someone. It took me forever to find my ex. I just hope it doesn't take forever to find the next guy.

[Texinator]

Maybe a male sex surrogate. I wonder if they even have those?

[Amber]

Maybe a male sex surrogate. I wonder if they even have those?

What the heck is a male sex surrogate?

I know you are probably trying to find some humor in all of this. But what comes to mind when you say that is a friends with benefit deal and I told myself I would never do that again. I can't have sex with a guy who doesn't have feelings with me. Lost my virginity to that and it sucked. It just feels so cold.

[Texinator]

Not even really trying to be funny.. I guess I was just thinking out loud. But then I remembered what you've said about FWB before, so I take that back.

A sex surrogate is someone that helps a person with their sexual issues, either through intimate touching or even full sex. Often they work together with a psychologist, though usually they'll have training in psychology themselves.

I think most of them are female sex surrogates helping men. I don't know how many male surrogates there are for women.

[Amber]

Not even really trying to be funny.. I guess I was just thinking out loud. But then I remembered what you've said about FWB before, so I take that back.

A sex surrogate is someone that helps a person with their sexual issues, either through intimate touching or even full sex. Often they work together with a psychologist, though usually they'll have training in psychology themselves.

I think most of them are female sex surrogates helping men. I don't know how many male surrogates there are for women.

Wow, I never heard of such a thing. Not saying that I would want to try it but I wonder if they do have that for women or not.

[Texinator]

Apparently there are a few.

I was reading up on it and it says that surrogates in general also help with relaxation and communication techniques and even social skills.

[Amber]

Tex, I think I'm going to pass on that for now but thanks for the idea! Not something I really want to do.

I think I'm going to put my toy away for a little bit. Instead I need to pick up a few books. I still have one of those serious boring orgasm books that my sex therapist recommended me to read. I also want to start reading some erotic romance books. Maybe if I start reading enough of them, I will be able to create my own fantasies in my mind. I'm hoping I don't need to actually know what if feels like to do that but maybe just get myself use to the romantic mood. Maybe if I read enough of them, I can get the sense of it through the way they describe it in the book.

I really don't have any other ideas. Just touching myself doesn't work. Romance movies don't seem long enough to really get me in the mood and porn does nothing at all for me. I probably won't give up romance movies all together but not as my only source.

I have a bag full of books that are not romance at all. I gave up romance books a long time ago. Mystery and murder books have caught my interest instead. I guess I need to start them up again. But this time I need the kind that are more on the erotic side. I have already bought a few books that a friend of mine recommended to me.

If you don't see me for a few days, it will be because my computer's power pack is dead. The one I bought about six months ago for $80 is completely dead. I'm trying to string along the even older one. It works only if you turn the stupid thing in its socket 200 times. But for how long I will be able to keep doing that is uncertain. I ordered one on Amazon for $45 after shipping but it will take at least a few days if not more to come. Hopefully less!

[Texinator]

I didn't think you would go for that idea.

You're better off with your books, toys, sex therapist, and us crazies.

[Amber]

My fwb friend has emailed me the other day saying we should catch up and chat. When I emailed back but sort of ignored that part, he emailed back with saying we should get together.

I'm wondering if this is just as friends or if he is looking for benefits. I had talked to him twice on the phone, just as friends, since my ex broke it off with me. I saw him twice at group events when I was dating my ex but both times were obviously just as friends. But the last time we actually had sex together was before my first official date with my ex. But as for this sudden look me up when I'm by his way is making me wonder. Is it just as friends or is he looking for a roll in the hay.

I really don't want it. All he does is kiss a little on the lips and then plays down below with me before entering me. He doesn't want me to touch any place on him but his private parts. So there is no kissing or licking or whatever. And there is obviously no feelings mixed in there for him other than friends. I will admit he was sweet and patient the few times I was with him but without the other foreplay, it just left me feeling cold. Even though I was nervous with my ex, it never felt cold with him.

So as much as I need help somehow in getting that orgasm, it is not going to be as a fwb deal. I may want to fool myself right now and say I can handle it but honestly, no I can't. I really hope my friend is not looking for benefits.

[Texinator]

Even if it turns out that he is, there's nothing wrong with telling him that you appreciate the previous experiences but that you're no longer interested in something like that.