[Texinator]

I don't know if that was all just talk but something tells me that because he has gotten a taste of having the sex, he doesn't want to go backwards.

Snuggling up isn't going backwards. It doesn't have to be a precursor to sex, and you can snuggle any time regardless of where you are in the relationship.

[Amber]

Well, he didn't email me today and I have a feeling he won't be either.

I spoke with the therapist tonight. She said she thinks she can help me. She will give me different techiques and exercises to try that may help relax me and get me in the mood. She couldn't tell me how many weeks it may take but that is understandable since everyone is different.

She asked how my boyfriend is taking it. I told her he won't talk to me about it. She said it would be easier if we knew how he was taking it. Tell me about it, but tell that to him.

[Texinator]

It's been five days since you emailed him. Have you seen him at all between then and now?

[Amber]

Strange, I thought I posted here but it didn't go through.

Tex, tomorrow will be seven days from when I first told him about all this. But the last time I actually emailed him was once today and it will be the last. As much as it is killing me, he has to be the next one to contact me some how.

As for phone calls, i talked to him Saturday night briefly and then again Sunday. Sunday, he said he would call me when he got home, but he never called me. He got home yesterday. He said on the phone Sunday that we are suppose to be going out this Saturday. i won't hold my breath on that one. See this weekend was suppose to be sort of special. Both of our birthdays are in October and we were suppose to be celebrating our birthdays together this weekend. Last time he emailed me was Sunday evening. He hasn't emailed me since.

I couldn't help wondering if he did get home alright even though I know most likely he is just avoiding me. I emailed a friend asking her to contact him on something trival, just to make sure she gets a response from him. If she does I'll know he is not hurt on the side of the road somewhere.

I order porn tonight, Playgirl. I will try anything. I figure it will hopefully get me in the mood. What I want to know is when Mastercard is going to call me up asking me if someone has stollen my credit card? lol In a matter of two days, i have bought vibrators, lubricant gel, two sex books, and now porn on that card. Not my normal purchases. I saw the guys on the dvd box. If those guys don't affect me, I'm going to give up and become a nun!

There must be about six or seven packages due to my house from UPS. The UPS guy is always complaining because I'm always buying something or another and I live on a really large hill. It is hard for his truck to stop on that hill. The guy is going to hate me when all of these packages come one day after another. The way I look at it, I'm giving him enough work so he doesn't get laid off like half of the other people in this country!!

[Amber]

Tex, I guess I have answered your question but then I haven't. The last time I saw him was a week ago Sunday. He left for his trip on last Wednesday, the day I emailed him and finally got home yesterday. No I take that back. I think I waited until Thursday before I emailed him. I dropped some simple qustion to him by email on Wednesday, which caused him to email me back Wednesday evening, saying ok fess up, what is on your mind. And I did just that on Thursday.

[Texinator]

Maybe he still needs some time to ponder the situation. Maybe he is just extremely busy. Just wait and see what this coming weekend brings and don't stress too much about his reaction. I know, easier said than done.

Just focus on yourself meanwhile and have fun with all your new stuff. Remember not to expect too much too soon. It's sort of like a diesel engine. Things might take a while to get started, but once you're fired up and running properly, you'll keep going and going and going and going.

There are some free sites with pictures and stories if you need any additional 'stimulation.' One that comes to mind is Solotouch. Don't know how many of those stories are real, but it's some interesting reading either way.

Have fun!

[Amber]

He is not that busy. I saw his picture appear up on a meetup site, which means he had visited the website. Nope, he is avoiding me. I'm just holding my breath on this weekend. If it comes and goes without hearing from him, I think I'm going to scream. That weekend was suppose to be something really special. Now I would be satisfied with dinner at McDonalds or skipping dinner and just a meeting in the park. In other words, I don't care where as long as I get to see him.

I think I should have expedited the shipping so my toys came sooner but I had already spent enough as is. When you said going, and going.... I thought of the energizer bunny that keeps going and going.

I'll check out Solotouch, even just for entertainment purposes. Thanks Tex!

[WildChild]

I know it's difficult but Tex is right you need to just focus on yourself right now. He will do what he does - there isn't anything you can do about that. You are on a journey of discovery and once you open this treasure chest a new world could open up. But know, this may take time, you are awakening a part of you that has been locked up and gone to sleep. You take care of your good self. Make some of your own plans and go have fun! Have your own little waking up the kitty party! Think of this as not just your birthday but your re-birthday party. You are waking up to your potential and birth right. That isn't dependant on any one man. This is all about Your sexuality, it will bring you pleasure for the rest of your life. Don't worry about what's his name, he may or not be part of your picture for the future but be thankful that he crossed your path and sparked your leap into opening new doors.

[Texinator]

Make some of your own plans and go have fun! Have your own little waking up the kitty party! Think of this as not just your birthday but your re-birthday party. You are waking up to your potential and birth right.

Haha, I like that 'waking up the kitty party'. Amber might soon find out that her kitty becomes a roaring lion when 'provoked'!

That's a great idea about her birthday. Amber, WC is right, I think the best birthday gift you'll receive this year might well be one that you give yourself.

As for your guy, I think he could do a better job of communicating even if he is losing interest. Though that doesn't really matter right now. If he leaves, there'll still be others out there for you. But you have only one sexuality, and it is therefore right now more important for you to concentrate on embracing that.

[Amber]

I wish I had my toys already but the earliest would be Friday and even then it might not come from there. Any ideas of what I can do right now, just trying with my hand, I guess. Last time I tried that, I had no luck. But then I probably wasn't in the right frame of mind either.