[holetoledo]

Honestly I'd be offended if my boyfriend didn't "put out", to put it crudely, but he's a very active and attentive partner in bed. The only problem with him watching so much porn -- well, I'd say the problem stems from him masturbating so much; I think it's a trauma problem that has roots to his childhood -- is that I can't "make" him come with my hand or my mouth. That and he has a death grip on his penis, lol. And is it wrong of me to find it kind of flattering that he's been watching more Asian porn since he's been dating me (I'm Filipino and Chinese)?

There's this guy who does podcasts and I think he's really good at sorting out this kind of thing. His name is Dan Savage. I'd recommend giving him a listen; he's a very funny and enlightening kinda guy

[holetoledo]

And another thing we do is we'll record something we do in bed.. And then he'll have me watch it during foreplay and even during the act.. It's actually kind of exciting. We've done this with porn, too.

[tesoro]

But something is definitely wrong with men who use it as an escape. I just wish they didn't drag women down with them. Men who can't handle real women should stick to porn or start therapy. Otherwise, they should leave real women alone.

Very well said - I totally agree!!

[hizenberg]

but realy though,if you love somone and feel as though they are 'yours',wouldn't that make you want to look after it so it doesnt get ruined?
we must get into a 'rutt' where we loose the chase,we no longer put more time or effort into 'chasing' our loved one so they know your theres and they are yours only and what they got is what you want kinda thing.
i dunno,this is a very interesting topic though,as i have found most women who love their man and we mostly have a sense of possesiveness over our men ,rightly so though as when we are completley surrendering our body and souls to them opening up and giving our all to them.for us we choose them only,we dont care about some overly mucled guy in the singlet sweat dripping off them who's penis could be as big as a mini frankfurt,because the man that shares our bed with us is so much more sexy and appealing,he is the guy who has seen you when your down n out and taken time to know what you love n hate.our man is the guy we melt over and lust for and get to do so for the rest of our life.
ughhh who knows but i sure do have these values and i expect to have a little respect at least for what i am sacrificing to be with them,after all its only fair right?it s commonsense

[hizenberg]

i guess its a 'war' we will never 'win'. they can't get through to us,nor can we get through to them.

[Casey715]

who knows but i sure do have these values and i expect to have a little respect at least for what i am sacrificing to be with them,after all its only fair right?it s commonsense

I do respect my wife a little. In fact, I have a great deal of respect for my wife. If that is all that is asked, DONE. What are you sacrificing? If you are sacrificing more than you think you are receiving, then you need to talk that out with your man. You getting absoultly no respect is not a good thing. Just because he masturbates to porn doesn't mean it's the end of the world. And if this is the BIG problem, many, many women would think you have it pretty good.

[stressed]

Guys and girls... the best way to approach the "porn" subject is to take each case separately. It works in some relationships, it doesn't work or damages others. There's not one solution to this. Not all men watch porn for the same reasons. There are women who watch porn too. There are men who don't. There are men who feel hurt by their SO's use of toys. There are women who don't want sex with their man and feel better if he watches porn instead. There are endless examples. It's not about "men should be off porn/women should accept porn".

The point is: If what you do doesn't hurt the other, if she knows about it and is alright with it, if she also does the same, if you have both agreed on it and are happy the way it is, then don't bother about it. But if your actions hurt your partner, take the time to listen, understand and try to change it. A little change never hurt anyone, even more so when you change for the one you love something as meaningless as a habit.

It's better to discuss each "porn case" by itself, instead of generalizing about porn, as this argument is endless. I know the original post was a general one, but the more we post the more personal we're making it for this thread.

What do you think?

[Fallen1]

Guys and girls... the best way to approach the "porn" subject is to take each case separately. It works in some relationships, it doesn't work or damages others. There's not one solution to this. Not all men watch porn for the same reasons. There are women who watch porn too. There are men who don't. There are men who feel hurt by their SO's use of toys. There are women who don't want sex with their man and feel better if he watches porn instead. There are endless examples. It's not about "men should be off porn/women should accept porn".

The point is: If what you do doesn't hurt the other, if she knows about it and is alright with it, if she also does the same, if you have both agreed on it and are happy the way it is, then don't bother about it. But if your actions hurt your partner, take the time to listen, understand and try to change it. A little change never hurt anyone, even more so when you change for the one you love something as meaningless as a habit.

It's better to discuss each "porn case" by itself, instead of generalizing about porn, as this argument is endless. I know the original post was a general one, but the more we post the more personal we're making it for this thread.

What do you think?

I agree. To each (relationship) his own.

[WildChild]

A great deal depends on how the porn is used, frequency, the effect on the relationship; there are many factors. I like the analogy one of the men made earlier, that is like alcohol; some don't touch it, some can have a drink or two and stop, other start and can't stop and it can destroy their lives.

[Casey715]

I think it is a personal case, you are right. My goal is not, actually it never was, to change your dislike of porn. It is to shed some light on why some men do it. Examples are endless, right again. I am giving specific reasons why it is being done. Because more than likely, the person doing the deed will continue, as we have read or witnessed first hand. If it can be understood that it is not done to hurt, but rather satisfy an urge or need, then perhaps an understanding can come about. Even if that urge or need is being satisfied out of pure selfishness and no real thought as to the other persons feelings. I press this issue because it seems to still be a very touchy subject that has the potential to build to an unwanted and unhealthy end. Is anyone here really trying to understand the other side of the story. Or are you set in your way and not really open to understanding what is being said. Do I agree it truly hurts you deep, deep down? I would not give this much effort if I didn't. I'm not playing the Devil's Advocate to hurt your feelings or to get a rise out of you all. But because it does seem to push the limits and may be turning into an argument, I will not post on this topic any longer. If I have offended, it was not my intentions and I truly apologize.