[atskitty2]

I think an important thing is to just relax and enjoy the journey. I've stopped looking for a boyfriend, although that is what I'd want eventually. When I meet someone any more, I just take the moment for what it is. Enjoy the company and let come what may.
I'm much happier since I stopped trying very hard.

[raczbac]

Thanks Kitty. Relaxing is hard to do on the first meet but I'm getting better at it. At this age I figure what difference does it make anyway.

Sooooo, Kitty, where do you live?

[raczbac]

Well one more date one more 'No Chemistry' notice today, although they didn't use that precise language. I find it truly amazing that I meet girls who seem to have a really good time when we meet, they go home think about it, and invariably come to the same conclusion. I mean its not like I'm dating people out of my age range. They are all in their 50's and early 60's. I used to think girls that age would be less demanding, but apparently the opposite is the case. Maybe they expect the guy to have all the positive attributes they were missing before, or something like that. Or maybe they just say they want the nice guy, but when they are actually presented with one they run for the hills. Pretty darn discouraging.

[amy40]

They are all in their 50's and early 60's. I used to think girls that age would be less demanding

sorry it's so discouraging raczbac

but it's hard to turn back time
it's just easier to date in your 20's.......there's no baggage
(i.e. former spouses, kids, grandkids in the mix plus bodies are young which adds to attraction)


people and their lives get more complicated as they age not less

[atskitty2]

raczbac, these ladies are very likely picking up on the frustration and bewilderment you're experiencing, and that may be part of the vibe that's preventing the "chemistry" to occur. If there's any hint of desperation, that's that for me, or anyone really, whether the desperation is really there or not. Most of us, men and women, can sense the underlying thought process of someone, and learn very quickly whether or not it fits with ours, or at least whether it's something workable.

Look at your post. You say something about thinking women would be less demanding at this age? What does that mean? Who's demanding anything on a first date, or even a 6th date for that matter? If you think simply being a "good guy" is enough, you're wrong. I've dated lots of good guys, but they weren't right for me. A few I've remained friends with.
Good guys come in lots of forms. I have lots of expectations, standards I have for a man that is going to be in my life. Any ol' good guy won't do. I'm not demanding anyone live up to that, but the man that IS already possessing similar values, will be the one I accept into my life. I'm pretty happy alone, have a pretty full plate, so no, I don't feel the need to date someone that I know isn't going to fit with me long term. Nobody's got time for that. lol

Are you looking to find someone who's RIGHT for you also? or just someone who doesn't deem you to be the "wrong" one?
Maybe you can re-evaluate your own selection process also, I don't know. Just a thought. Rather than wonder why they tossed you aside, are you even thinking they were a good fit for you anyway? I'm sure you're a great dude, but that doesn't make you right for every woman who's looking for a good guy. And same should be so for you...every good woman shouldn't be on your short list. Is she really going to complement your life in a meaningful way?

Bottom line is, it's tough. At younger ages (going back to the math thing), the "pool" of suitable mates is much deeper. The numbers of people with which we mesh, are greater, and as we age, those numbers dwindle for various reasons. Our criteria also changes, and there's an increase in the things we find to be deal-breakers. So, between the math and chemistry, it's hard

One of the men I'm speaking to now, has a lot of great characteristics. We've seen each other 3 times over about a 1 month period maybe. So, we're hardly getting to know each other. I like him, but there's something I've not decided yet whether a negative or whether I've misinterpreted some things. On our last meeting, I was thinking I'd been wrong, and so I continued on. Since then (over a week), he texted some things that make me doubt again. I've been very honest with him, that a lot I feel good about, but I'm not sure about dating him. He's fine with going slow and getting to know each other more. I've been honest, I'm not leading him on and I've not been foolish enough to give him ideas so he can cover his true self. I've simply set boundaries, and said that I have reservations. He's respected that, what more can I ask? He's free to pursue other options, and so am I.
I want him to be happy too-to find the person that fits best with him. If I'm not that person, that's ok. He deserves to be happy as much as I do.

If I were you, I'd work on just being still and letting things evolve at the pace they will. Look for your own mate, rather than looking for who you might match with, which is what I am sort of seeing here. Some great things happen when we shift that focus. Doesn't mean you'll find "the one" (whatever that is), but you'll find some peace in your journey and in your life.

[raczbac]

Truth hurts, but you're right I'm sure. I mean I do have some minimal criteria (nice, sensitive, attractive, intelligent) but the first person that comes in the ballpark of those criteria would be just fine for me as long as they find me acceptable. None of them do however so my criteria are kind of pointless. I have I've never had much confidence and I think that's what these girls are sensing and the desperation for sure. The thing is if you're honest with them, you're a sick puppy as you call it, if you lie and try to be someone you're not its stressful and they pick up on it right away. Not much in between there. Truth is I stuck it out in an unhappy marriage for 26 years because I was aware of my limitations, but I finally said screw it and took a risk anyway. Either the smartest or stupidest thing I ever did. But being alone is just so unacceptable. I'll have to do as you say and just chill out, maybe find some friends and other interests. Thanks Kitty, appreciate your feedback.

[jns]

raczbac have you considered traveling to other countries in your quest to find a compatible lady?

[raczbac]

No not really. I've had a lot of bad experience with scammers online from other countries, like Russia and Ghana particularly. You think American girls are just too picky then?

[jns]

Online is not the real world. Scammers can be found everywhere. I would not say picky, but women using different criteria may be a better fit.

[raczbac]

Kitty I just had a couple of points on your last note. First you say just being a 'good guy' isn't enough. I agree it isn't everything but in my mind it counts for a lot. I certainly think a 'good girl' counts for a lot and married two of them (separately). Do you think it would be better if we weren't good guys, aka, ****heads?

But my other point is this. You say you run for the hills if a guy seems desperate. How can you tell if a guy is desperate? Do you read minds? What are the red flags?