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Ladies Opinion: What does 'No Chemistry' really mean?

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  • No I kind of knew before we sat down for coffee that it wasn't going to go well. She was a famous journalist it turned out, so it was interesting talking to her, but yeah clearly in the no chemistry camp. Wouldn't have asked her out again even without the finger tapping.

    So being calm is attractive to you. Interesting. The only way I can be calm on a date is if I know it's not going to work out, nothing to lose then. But I can cover it up reasonably well. So what percentage of the time did he talk? I saw somewhere in this thread it's best to just let the girl talk the whole time. Also, did he make you laugh? How?

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    • I think the calm demeanor just appeared as confidence to me. No shaking hands, fidgeting around, flipping forks onto the floor, dropping things, etc...which has been pretty common on my first dates.

      He was just as cool as I was, just talking and getting to know each other, no weird sense of expectations looming over the table. There was a bit of confusion with the service, the table and our server...He rolled with it and was a complete gentleman and kind to the manager and server. He just handled himself so nicely. It wasn't a big deal but the management seemed to wanna make it one.
      That was very telling to me.

      We talked pretty equally I think. I may have edged him out a little.

      There was some laughing....don't honestly remember what about. He has a science background, as do I, and our senses of humor seem similar. I laugh easily, and have a dry, sometimes dark wit. He got it, which is rare. So that was another thing I liked.

      I ordered a sandwich, and when it came out, it was about twice the size I'd expected, and really thicker than these veggie sandwiches typically are...so it was not a very dainty sandwich to eat...i made a mess quite honestly! He just giggled and I did too. I was comfortable enough to make a mess and not be embarrassed and he was comfortable enough to giggle at me and joke with me, without being a jerk about it. It was just relaxed and fun, and he seems like a genuinely thoughtful & well mannered man.

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      • Sounds very promising. Curious about something else. If there was no sense of expectation over the table how did you distinguish it from say just a meal with a friend? How did he indicate his interest beyond friendship? If this is too personal no problem, don't answer. I'm just a very cerebral type that likes to think logic can be applied to every problem.

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        • I'm on a forum; ) I don't mind sharing and especially if it may be helpful.

          Guess I should qualify that statement by saying that there weren't heightened or undue expectations that were palpable. He actually thanked me for meeting with him, which was different. And at this point, a friendship is the best approach. Obviously we met on a dating site, so there's that underlying agenda, but I do want my partner to be a good friend too.

          There was no indication by either of us of any interest beyond seeing each other again. That's really all I would expect after a first date. I hugged him goodnight and we've continued texting.

          I have so many mediocre dates that I get pretty excited when someone is interesting to me. I actually look forward to seeing him again.

          Btw, I'm going to start a thread on compatibility and attraction if you're interested in following it and contributing.
          Last edited by atskitty2; 12-18-2017, 01:53 PM.

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          • Yes I'd be interested in that thread.Kind of thinking of taking a time out from dating though, or at least the online stuff. It's so addicting. Maybe not a whole year like your friend. Find some activities other than work and stressing over my divorce. We'll see. Good luck with your new friend plus, a lucky man no doubt.

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            • I think you'd be surprised how much better you feel after some time alone to regroup and settle your mind a bit more.

              Every time I have taken a hiatus, I have learned something that caused me to change my approach to dating in general or to the online game. You say it's addicting. You probably would benefit from some time away from it.

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              • How is the dating going, MrDarcy? I am definitely sure the right woman is waiting for you. Forget the other ones. You're a great guy: the right woman will realize this.

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                • Popcorn, it looks like McDarcy hasn't been back to post on this thread for 3+ yrs, so I doubt that you get a response, though I'd be pleased if you did!

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                  • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                    There was some laughing....don't honestly remember what about. He has a science background, as do I, and our senses of humor seem similar. I laugh easily, and have a dry, sometimes dark wit. He got it, which is rare. So that was another thing I liked.
                    he seems like a genuinely thoughtful & well mannered man.
                    kitty
                    have you had any more dates with him?
                    hope so

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                    • No I haven't seen him since. He lives about 40 minutes from me, and we just have not been able to connect again. Then I left town, now he's out of town until after the New Year.

                      We are in regular contact daily tho so, we will get together in a week or so I guess.

                      He's spending the whole week with family, which I found endearing. He could be on a nice vacation but chose to spend the time with family. He is close with his siblings and neices/nephews and I love that.

                      So, we will see. I really like what I'm seeing and no BS flags have been cued. Lol

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                      • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                        No I haven't seen him since. He lives about 40 minutes from me, and we just have not been able to connect again. Then I left town, now he's out of town until after the New Year.

                        We are in regular contact daily tho so, we will get together in a week or so I guess.

                        He's spending the whole week with family, which I found endearing. He could be on a nice vacation but chose to spend the time with family. He is close with his siblings and neices/nephews and I love that.

                        So, we will see. I really like what I'm seeing and no BS flags have been cued. Lol
                        Sounds very promising!

                        Best of luck, Kitty!

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                        • Well, so much for that lol

                          At least he was thoughtful enough to text me and let me know that he was going to give it another try with an old gf. That's what he said anyway.

                          I appreciate not being ghosted

                          Have been getting to know a couple other guys though, but neither have raised my interest a great deal yet.

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                          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            Well, so much for that lol

                            At least he was thoughtful enough to text me and let me know that he was going to give it another try with an old gf. That's what he said anyway.

                            I appreciate not being ghosted

                            Have been getting to know a couple other guys though, but neither have raised my interest a great deal yet.
                            Sorry to hear that.

                            When a relationship has ended in my life, I have committed to never go back. I did one time and it end just like it did the first time. The same ex gf tried it for a third time, but I wasn't having it. Going back seems to be somewhat part of a passive/aggressive pattern. It seems to be a waste of time. It also shows lack of true commitment.
                            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                            ...
                            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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                            • I have no idea the nature of that relationship or why it ended. He seems to be a level headed and honest, genuine guy so I take him at his word.

                              Our relationship was brief, and was hardly advanced enough to leave me heartbroken.

                              Last time a guy left me for a former gf, he wound up begging for me to take him back 6 months later. He literally begged, yes.
                              I figure, if you didn't feel a deep enough connection to me to leave me for something that you know won't likely work, then we have little to build on anyway...so, it's better I know now.

                              It is discouraging however. I did feel a comfort with him that I don't usually so I was looking forward to seeing where it went.

                              Comment

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