[atskitty2]

No I don't think past generations had to work this hard. I also think that many stayed married for reasons other than love and happiness. Just as many couples do today.
It was a different time, simpler time and simpler people. I don't necessarily think our way is better, but it is where we are. It's the reality we find ourselves in.

Well, in fairness, many men I've not had the opportunity to get to know well enough to decide if they qualified as good guys with balls lol
Many men are disqualified for other reasons prior to that determination.
One guy I was very interested in, a nice, ballsy dude (lol) ditched me to try again with his ex who had mothered his child. He came crawling back 6 months later, and I wasn't about to allow him back into my life.

I don't think that's the top priority for me, but it's a part of someone that is important to me. I'm not sure I'm compatible long term with a man who is too reserved or quiet, or passive. It could be something that they demonstrate only when called for and it's not readily apparent.

I think it's important to do what you want to be doing. Develop yourself and do what you love and don't make dating a priority. I think being ok with being alone is very attractive. I sometimes take long absences from dating. It gets to be too much. In the 6 yrs since divorce I've probably been out of the dating scene more than I've dated. It used to become exhausting, until I realised it was only exhausting me because of the mental energy I was putting in. Not any more.

I allow myself to check the dating site once or twice daily. No more. If there's something really interesting about someone I'll chat. Mostly it's idle chatter that never evolves and eventually fizzles. And I'm now ok with that. I don't wonder why or get terribly involved in the woulda, shoulda, coulda, what if scenario.

[raczbac]

Being alone isn't something I've aspired to but I guess I'm gonna have to adapt. No choice now. The thing is I've never really wanted much in life other than being with someone I love. Gave me the purpose I lacked, especially when my daughter came along.

It's weird being this age knowing if you don't make it count now you might not get another chance. That's why patience is such a tough pill to swallow. But I'll keep picking myself up and hope she's out there. Just one more profile....

[jns]

raczbac have you considered traveling to other countries in your quest to find a compatible lady?

No not really. I've had a lot of bad experience with scammers online from other countries, like Russia and Ghana particularly. You think American girls are just too picky then?

I suggest trying a country in Southeast Asia, such as Thailand, Philippines, Laos, Cambodia or Vietnam.

[raczbac]

I don't know. Cultural differences are hard to bridge don't you think. I've gone on a couple of dates with Asian girls and while they were stunning girls, it can be hard to establish rapport sufficient to have meaningful conversation

[atskitty2]

Well, my dear...Many women are not interested in being someone's purpose. That's probably a big part of your issue. Some may want that, but my guess is, not many. Again, there's a fine line there.
It can be beautiful and charming or it can be disaster.

I don't think I asked, but are you in the US? What points do you use to rule in or out, such as age, religion, etc? What is your method of going thru profiles and deciding whether to speak to a woman?

One thing I have seen many singles our age do, is narrow the search so much that, they rule out a high percentage before they even say hello. My best friend judges based on age, height, how much hair he has left, occupation, etc...All things that, in my opinion shouldn't be priorities.

With jns suggestion, think about how much smaller the world is now than when we were in our prime dating days. Lol
I've dated many men of other regions of the world. I think there are some big advantages to it, and probably even more to dating someone who has not come to the States yet. I know of several men who have purposely sought out women in Europe or Asia to marry.
At first I thought it was nuts. Now I see some really happy couples.

I sort of feel like, the math is already against us, why limit it more by searching only for Americans?

Just a thought

I wish I had the answers. I do feel sometimes that we are very shallow in our approach to relationship.

[jns]

I don't know. Cultural differences are hard to bridge don't you think. I've gone on a couple of dates with Asian girls and while they were stunning girls, it can be hard to establish rapport sufficient to have meaningful conversation

I've been married 27 years to a Thai lady. We don't discuss Immanuel Kant. Some conversations are necessary, others less so.

[raczbac]

Well to be honest I have a hard time understanding why a girl would not want someone who felt like they gave their life purpose. And vica versa. The whole concept of loving someone but not actually needing them to feel fulfilled is the bs that is fed to us now. Yes I need someone to complete me, per Tom cruise.

I live in CA. My process is pretty simple. Look at the pictures first, of course. if they pass that screen, age range (50-60), distance (30 miles max), some common interests. I tend to stay away if I perceive the demanding type with all kinds of requirements (sound familiar, lol). Actually I prefer profiles that say very little other than the bare minimum. I prefer finding out what they're like by just asking. I look for anything that sounds genuine and contact them based on that. I've stopped giving long spiels about myself and that works better generally.

Overseas is not really practical unless they happen to be here for a visit. And I don't know if you realize just how many overseas scammers try and get guys for money, it's unbelievable.So trust would be a major issue there.

[atskitty2]

Why do you think that is BS we're being fed?
How long have you been single now?

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a close relationship in which you're supporting and relying on each other. To say that I need anyone to "complete" me, isn't accurate. I want a partner, someone I compliment but not "complete".

[raczbac]

its BS because I don't believe that it's possible to feel love without feeling that each person needs the other to be happy. At least I've never experienced anything else. Feeling intertwined is is what keeps it going for me. When I don't feel that is when the isolation sets in and that's the love killer. Everyone is different and standards have obviously changed, so I'm gonna try and learn new ways.
Been single 8 months, legally that is.

[amy40]

I don't believe that it's possible to feel love without feeling that each person needs the other to be happy. .

your belief is what has made you feel that desperation since divorcing
no one needs another person to "make" them happy

everyone has a set point to their own happiness
there are some ways to elevate one's own happiness (you can look it up)