[amy40]

we went out earlier this year on a date and we pretended (my idea) that it was our second date and that we didn't know each other
I even told the waitress it was our second date

he said the most bizarre answers when I asked him questions on our date
I laughed the whole time

[raczbac]

Interesting. So you didn't know there was chemistry until after going out a while I guess. Here's my last and most important question on this whole topic. If chemistry isn't any one thing, which is what i seem to be hearing, is it possible for a girl to feel chemistry with a "nice guy"? Or is it the kiss of death as many articles I've read suggest. I mean what if the guy is "nice" but doesn't exude self confidence like Joe Alpha but has other redeeming qualities like intelligent, kind, respectful, devoted, you know old fashioned stuff like that. Can a girl feel chemistry with someone like that?

[amy40]

intelligent, kind, respectful, devoted, you know old fashioned stuff like that. Can a girl feel chemistry with someone like that?

I married the nice, devoted, intelligent guy
feel lots of chemistry with him now (more than when we were in our 20's)

the tall, dark, handsome, "playboy" didn't go past the 4 th date cause he only wanted to sleep with me
and I wasn't willing to compromise my values

[raczbac]

******* there's hope!

[jns]

he made me laugh and still does

Making a lady laugh is a key thing.

[raczbac]

Ok ladies one more request for free advice. How can I tell if a girl is experiencing the chemistry without asking? The feeling in the kiss maybe?

[amy40]

Popcorn&Candy

this is something for the single women to answer

atskitty2

Ashlee T.

[atskitty2]

"Chemistry" is difficult to define, as you say. I believe it has something to do with the pheromones and other "signals" we all put off. I think there's a good reason it came to be called chemistry-because it's a sort of chemical response. I've dated some gorgeous men, but had no "chemistry" with them. I think there's an instinctive sort of thing that happens, and I think there's some science out there to support it, though I've not read anything on it for probably 15 yrs. Everything in the world is chemistry and math.
I did come across something interesting about a person's smell, and what it means when we like/don't like a person's smell, when we get close to them. I don't mean their cologne, I mean their natural scent.

For me, yes, it takes time. There's really been no time in my life that I've met someone and felt instant "chemistry". Maybe attracted instantly on occasion, but seldom that chemistry. Often the attraction fades when no chemistry develops. More often an attraction develops as the chemistry does. Someone who suits my needs is immensely attractive to me.

And unfortunately, I doubt you'd know whether the woman was experiencing chemistry. Maybe some women/men would be astute and key in to it, but more often not. This is a good time to simply ask if there's anything happening for her. Let her know your interest level and hopefully she will reciprocate.

raczbac, dating just sucks as we get older, especially if you're looking for a steady, committed relationship. That's my opinion and experience. Goes back to that math thing...lol
I'm 45, and it seems the men I date in my age range, have already had the marriage, the committed lifestyle and now want to be unattached and careless. Very few are looking to get back into that.

And yes, nice guys DO turn the heads of women. What I've experienced is the extremes. They're either so nice that they're doormats, and have no opinions or ideas to bring to the table, and follow me around like a sick puppy. Or they are so dominating that they won't hear my perspective and treat everyone as dung on their shoes.

So, chemistry and math.
We're playing the odds with dating. lol

[raczbac]

Thanks Kitty. You just read so much stuff online about what women like and how to act it's hard to know what to do when you're actually in the moment. Be funny, be confident, be comfortable in your skin, a zillion things. I try and just have a good time but so far that hasn't panned out to more than 1 or 2 dates. Keep soldiering on I suppose.

[amy40]

You just read so much stuff online about what women like and how to act it's hard to know what to do when you're actually in the moment

everyone is different

if you are busy thinking how you are "supposed" to act, you probably aren't being yourself
although most people are on their best behavior at first