[Stealthkitty]

The sad thing is that even if she puts this relationship behind her, it will never truly be over. She has a child with this man and so he will be in her life for the rest of her life in one way or another. Best not to get into these situations to begin with. Glad that this thread has helped.

[Drama28]

FYI....

Okay, I didn't want to post on here again, but thought I should just incase anybody really cares. I got the DNA results in the mail on Sat. and so he prob. got them then too. Yes, he is 99.99% her father, so yes, even if our relationship is no longer...I will unfortuantely always be connected to him in that way. Yes, you may think that I regret the entire situation....but I don't. I regret the initial start to it and how it ended, but I certainly don't regret my daughter! She is beautiful, smart, and amazing no matter who her dad is. I am a grown woman and I will live no matter how bad things get; unfortunatley I'm sure that he isn't thinking about the effects this will have on her. She is the important one! She is the one who should be thought of first and taken care of no matter what! I did have good times in that 3 years and I will have to count on them to get me through because when she gets older and I have to explain things; I will tell her that we loved each other and that she is loved and wanted no matter how things ended up with her "biological" father. She has my ex-husband that is there for her like a man should be for his kids and she will always be loved and taken care of by me! I am glad if you all feel that your "examples" have helped me or others, that is a good thing. I really don't feel like it has helped me, but it doesn't matter what I think. I am just glad that no matter how much denial him and his family want to be in...I have done all I can to get him to step up to the plate and at least take care of her financially. You can deny DNA in your head, but the court won't allow you to deny it financially. I feel like I have been thrown away, but I will never allow my child to feel the same way! NO matter what happens next, if he wants visitation or not, ect... She will always be told that she is extremely special and she is my baby and always will be! Thanks from those of you that have just wished me luck, and for everyone who just thinks I am stupid for getting into this situation...please don't throw stones if you have never been in my shoes. I prob. would never have thought of myself in this situation 5 years ago, but life happens and you can NEVER SAY NEVER. I am going to live and move on even if they stay in the puddle of denial they are in forever. We will be okay, there is no other way about it. I have and always will do ANYTHING for my kids and she will always be my amazing little girl! If anything changes I will prob. update this just incase anyone cares. Again, thanks to those who just wanted to help.

[kaylar]

The biggest hurdle is to move out of denial, which you
did leap. Maybe i pushed you a little, and maybe you
weren't ready, but you did take the leap.

You did realise that he wasn't coming back, that much
of what he said were lies.

It's not pretty, it's not nice, but the minute you realised
it, and ran for that DNA test, you were half way home.

Yes, he will have to pay for that child. If he doesn't
visit, and your ex fathers her, I don't see the downside.

Your ex sounds like a hell of a man.

You did okay Drama. You didn't wait too long, and
you're doing the best you can.

Look, a lot of women, A LOT of women get tricked
by married men who have no intention of leaving
their wives.

As I said from my first post, this is 'text book'.

Right now there are women on this very MB who
are deep in a relationship with a married man, and
it's gone on for years, and there is no divorce on
the horizon, no bank accounts, no insurance policies,
because..."He REally Loves us!"

And next month, when he walks out as he has always
intended on doing, they'll be where you were when
you did your first post.

No MAN stays with his wife for the sake of his children.
If he was so interested in his Children he wouldn't be
with his Girlfriend he'd be with his children.

NO MAN cares if his wife is removed to the nut house
when he leaves. Men are selfish. That's how they
stay. If he wanted to be with another woman, he
wouldn't care if his wife went to the asylum.

Any man who doesn't launch divorce proceedings
in two weeks of the first 'I love you', NEVER will.

[Stealthkitty]

You haven't been thrown away. You have awaken. Now the healing process can begin. You didn't lose anything. There was no love; there were no good times. In time you will see this and realize what a selfish rotten person this man really is. Good luck to you.

[nicky2007]

glad you decided to post again drama was only yesterday i was wondering how things where going for you. getting the dna results back is a huge step, and i hope what ever happens in the future its works out well for you and you family, keep us updated, good luck xxx

[KISH]

Be Happy!!!!!

I Feel So Sorry For You. Three Years Is A Long Time To Give Your Heart To A Man To Have It Broken. Married Or Not. In So Many Ways You Only Have Yourself To Blame As You Entered Into Your Relationshiop Hoping For Him To Leave His Wife. But Then Again I Guess That You Were Hopeful Being That Sometimes They Do Leave Their Wives. A Man Can Only Do What You Allow Him To Do. My Question For You Is...why Did You Stay Even After You See That He Didnt Leave His Wife After The First Time That He Said That He Would. 30 Years Is A Long Time To Throw Down The Drain...even For Three Years And A Baby.

Forgive Me For Saying So But Maybe He Wasnt For You. If He Could Lie To Both You And His Wife For So Long...what Kind Of Man Is He...and Why Would You Settle For Someone Like That? Think About This.....what If He Left His Wife For You And Ended Up Doing The Same Thing You? You'd Be Up All Night Crying As Well.

Every Woman Deserves Better. Now That He Has Decided Not To See You...and Even If Its Hurting...think Of A Good Thing. Now You Can Find A Monogomous Boyfriend. One Who'll Love Both You And Your Baby. Believe Me...there's Someone Better Fr You. You Wont Have To Deal With The Pain Of Having Your Man Leave Your Bed To Go To The Bed Of Another Woman. (have You Thought About That?) You Gotta Move On For You And Your Baby. Good Luck And Take Care.

[BlueMoon82]

This is beside the point...if there ever was one...

To Kitty and Kalar:
(not intended as an offense but just for your information)
I'm from Canada...I lived in Quebec (we speak french there)..My first language is french!!!! I also went to law school in french. My english may not be perfect but still it's pretty good and it never cause me any problems.. Anyway the way I see it and the fact that I post here mostly during the night...I don't have my grammar books with me each time I'm posting something. (lol) Sorry about that i guess and for every misunderstanding that might have come from it!

Second of all, I went to law school and got my degree in Law...I've been to University and I also have a degree as a paralegal...When I said "bar school" I was referring to the intensive program we have here after law school. Which is like professional courses to prepare yourself for law pratice, like the implications, professional ethic, etc..It's call Bar school (Bar school (legal) = École du Barreau (juridique)) and No, they don't serve drinks there! We have go through the Bar school formation to become a "lawyer" here. Anyway maybe you don't have the same thing there in the U.S. .

And I wanted to add that by no means I intend to diminish anyone capacity as a lawyer...You seem both very good at what you do...I just think I can be good too, but by doing it differently. By the way...I'm intend to practice in criminal law on prosecutor side...Which mean I won't be ask to fight for a client in particular...I'll represent the "state" as we say it here... I'll deal with witness, experts, autorities (police and all) and victims. I think it's a different type of practice compare to civil law and it suits me better.


To Drama82
(here's my email melina_g*hotmail.com)
I know it's been a while before I posted here but thanks for taking my defense about my writing capacity in english while I was gone lol
I'm glad to hear that the DNA test has proven that he is in deed the father. I'm proud of you for makes in a priority like that to get that sorted out. You did good! I hope your doing better theses days...You should feel good about the fact that after what all that happen with him you've come a long way. I believe that you are a resilient person and you did what needed to be done. You come a long way from the first normal shock of these sort of thing, look how determined and stronger you are now. It's great to see that! I wish you the best and feel free to email or msn me if you want .Take care!

[Drama28]

Thanks Bluemoon!

Bluemoon, I am so glad that you responded and explained things to those who misunderstood you. I definately think you will be/are a great lawyer. It is refreshing to hear positive reinforcement from someone who knows what they are talking about. Yes, I'm sure things in the US are slightly different but it doesn't make you any less capable of being a wonderful lawyer. Yes,I am glad all of the DNA is done and taken care of. Now I just wait for the paperwork and see what happens financially and then he will get served and we will go to court(seeing that he most likely will not just sign the recognition of parantage so we could be done faster). Anyway, thanks to the rest of you too for your care and concern. Yes, Kish I do blame myself, I take full responsibility for the entire affair. I should have known better and never got involved, but when you are friends and fall in love stuff happens. Like I said, 5 years ago I wouldn't have thought this would have happened either, but you can NEVER say NEVER. It takes 2 to tango and I believe that we should both be held accountable. Especially considering even though we were married, our daughter was NOT an accident, we both wanted to have her, she was an intentional baby, she was wanted not just an "Ooops!" That is one of the very few reasons that I believe he should take his part of the responsibility. She is just as much his kid as the rest of his children and she should be treated the same....yes, I'm sure that won't happen, but it should. If she will not get a fair chance at being his daughter than he should at least take the responsibility financially, and that part I have taken care of so she will not miss out. Yes, I know I deserve better. That is why I am doing my best to move on and do all I can to fix the situation. I am still deeply in love with him and I'm not sure if/when that will ever go away. I know that is rediculous considering the way I have been treated, but I can't explain it. I just wish that he was as miserable as I am. I wish she would kick his *** out and make him feel how horrible life really is. Not that I want him or she shouldn't have him, if she wants to be miserable with him and stuff, go for it, I can do better. But it is the thought of them continuing life as if it never happened is what makes me mad. I want him to know that it is real and I want him to be in pain and suffer like we have. I have never been a mean person, but I just want him to know the trauma he has caused that he has been able to just pretend didn't exist. Oh well. Who knows what the future brings. Only time will tell what will happen. Maybe in a year or 2 she will get tired of the BS and kick him out and when he comes crawling back I can kick him in the face and show him that you can't cause that kind of dammage and just get back to the wonderful things you had before you threw it away. Well, Happy 4th of July everybody. I wish I could say I care about this holiday, just another day to me. Please just hope and pray things get better. That is all I ask...I don't have much more to go on. I will survive, I always do, but I want my kids to enjoy life, not just merely survive it like I do. I want to be happy again. Thanks again and I'll keep you posted if anything changes.

[Stealthkitty]

To Bluemoon, thanks for the explanation and good luck on the exam and in practice.

To Drama, good luck!

[kittie21692000]

hope

My boyfriends mother was the "other women" they had 5 kids together and in the end he left her for someone else. My boyfriend now has 5 siblings and 12 half siblings and that was before he lost track of him 3 yrs ago. Please do what u see is best for u and ur little girl. Millions of women are single moms, be strong and even know it hurts know that it might be over. I wish u the best.