[Drama28]

Whatever works, right?

Yeah, I will keep on trying to be patient and taking it one day at a time. I will always take pics of her, and the rest of my kids for that matter because I love to watch them grow up! I really think that without them I wouldn't be here! Yeah, I am glad we don't live in the same town too cause even when I have to go to the towns by where he lives I get anxious and upset! I think of all the good, bad, and ugly about everything and start to freak out! My other kids are 6 1/2years, 5 years, a little over 2 years, and almost 16 months. There was always a small chance he was my 2 year olds dad too, so he has always been really close to her too, hell, she even calls him daddy too! That is why this is even more crushing! I don't know what to do or to say if she isn't his biologically and wants to see her and his wife doesn't want that or he doesn't want that, what do you say, well, he was like your daddy, but since he isn't biologically and is your sisters only she gets to see him now? What a crock! My ex-husband wants to make sure my 2 year old is his so since he has to be "excluded" as being my youngests dad, he is doing the DNA thing for my 2 year old too, just to make sure, even though she looks just like my older kids and my youngest looks NOTHING like the other girls. My older kids loved him too, they would always hang on him when he came over and he was great with them. The other day it crushed me because my 5 year old was talking about loving people and said "you love Don" and it was at her preschool and I just said something to brush it off like, no I just love you girls or something cause I didn't want to cry! Yes, I do need a vacation. I plan on at least going out maybe Sat. with a HS friend to just get out. I hope to get B-day money near the end of the month and maybe then I can afford a spa treatment! well, I better get going. Talk to you all soon.

[Drama28]

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day everyone! I just wish I could be happy today. I just feel like this is a regular day when I am just as unappreciated as the next. He probably doesn't even care that I work my *** off 24/7 365 to take care of our little girl! He is prob. at his "real" house sucking up to his wife and buying her gifts and saying "happy Mother's day" to her! What a bunch of ****! ARGH!!! Last mother's day he bought her earrings and she was mad because they were expensive and she was really mean to him about it and said he wouldn't ever buy her anything again since she acted like that, and he didn't for the entire last year, but now he prob. feels bad and is buying her everything and I'm sure I won't even get a call to say "thanks for raising my daughter" It will be 3 weeks tomorrow, I guess I shouldn't expect anything. I should prob. just give up hope. Part of me just can't do it. I just still feel deep down inside that things will change. Maybe I am just stupid or overly optimistic, although that is NOT the way I am usually I have been told I am overly pessimestic! Well, I hope you all had a good Mother's day and I'll check in with you later. I just hope this day ends and that this next week changes into something better! Talk to you all soon!

[kaylar]

I know I said I wouldn't post because it just upsets you,
but it has been three weeks, which is time enough for you
to begin to inch towards acceptance.

Things will get better once you can put a little perspective
in place.

[tinkerbell930]

Drama-Happy late Mother's day! I know you are feeling down and counting the days that have gone by since you have seem or talked to Don (?), I think that is what you said his name is....I am sure you are on a roller coaster of emotions every day...some moments don't seem so bad and others are crippling you with thoughts of what he is doing. I am sure life isn't a bed of roses for him or his wife...there really isn't going to be a happy life for them now that the affair is out. Anything he does or DOESN'T do at this point won't matter to her at all. She will let him make the effort but it doesn't mean anything....I am sure you are doing a great job raising all your kids. Keep that up. You will be rewarded for all you have done for them. Keep being optimistic about life in general....you NEVER know what the future holds. I am still out here praying for you! Wish we lived close....I would take you out for a margarita!!!

[Drama28]

Thanks Tinkerbell!

I wish you were closer too! I think we would get along great! You have been so supportive and helpful! I am so glad you are here! Yes, his name is Don, and yes rollercoaster is about right. Yes, I pretty much know that no matter what he has "doomed" his marriage by admitting to this, but it is a matter of if he will realize what he has done and want to come back, or if the guilt and pressure will make him stay. I just know that I will fight to make sure that if he wants to see his daughter that he can be a "big boy" and come and get her or I will bring her down there, his family need not be involved even though they said they won't let him even see me like that. I don't trust his daughters because like I prob. mentioned before have drug problems and had their kids taken away and given to their parents and his wife obviously prob. thinks I'm the devil so I don't trust her either. My sister thinks that since there isn't a restraining order or anything and child abuse wasn't an issue that the court would prob. just tell him to suck it up and walk it off and if he wants to see her we can be the ones to do the pick up and drop off even though his wife and daughters don't want that, ya know? Well, I better go. Haveing a rough day, but tonight is getting a bit better. Talk to you all soon!

[tinkerbell930]

Anytime!

Friends are so important when you are going through tough times. Love and heart aches are the worst to get through or deal with if you don't have a great friend around. I have gotten many friends through really bad love times...those same friends turned their backs on me when a personal situation of my now husbands made them judge me and him....it hurts when you can't rely on a friend. You can rely on my support anytime. I stand by a friend through anything, no judgements and I will never tell a friend to give up on someone they love. You have to follow your heart until the road ends OR begins. Ok, back to you...sorry, got a little side tracked. I am sure when the shock starts to wear off, he will want to see your daughter. He has to miss both of you...but like you said, the guilt is a huge thing...plus if there are any threats coming from his wife and daughters. They may tell him that if he sees or speaks to you, they will make his life a living hell (financially). That happened to my ex-mother-in-law, her now boyfriend had a 6 figure a year job, nice home, new truck, retirement, all the horns and whistles....when he FINALLY left his wife, it took almost 2 years to finalize the divorce...he is dead broke now. SHe did rake him over the coals. Women are not nice at all!

[Drama28]

DNA....

Well, I got to set up the apt. for the DNA test. It is gonna be this next Tues. the 22nd. I had him set up at the same time too. I know I will go nuts if he brings someone, like her, but nobody but us can go into the back room, the other people have to stay in the waiting room. Plus, I NEED him to see the girls to make him realize that we ARE real and that the last 3 years did happen! When my 2 year old comes running up to him saying "daddy-ah" it will kill him inside and maybe he will snap out of it. Either that or he will just feel bad, which will make me feel better. Ignoring us doens't make us go away. I want to talk to him, who knows if he will talk to me. Hell, he could prob. call and reschedule his test because he has to work and it is short notice. I hope not since I want this to be done! Ironically next week on Thurs. is their 30th anniversary, Friday is my 28th b-day and Sun. would be our 3 year anniversary! What a bunch of ****! ARGH! Just the thought of next week makes my stomach hurt! Yes, Tinkerbell, friends are really important during these times especially, and I'm so glad I can call you my friend! Yes, I'm sure she is putting out threats of money and with the grandkids because he was scared of that to begin with and I know she would do it! Yes, Kaylar, you prob. just think I'm dillusional, but to keep going right now I guess that is the way it has to be. Well, I suppose I better get back to reality. Talk to you all soon. Thanks again Tinkerbell!

[kaylar]

Let me put it like this; everything you are feeling is REal.
What you are going through, is REAL.

And you are not alone.

In a similar matter I was appearing for the husband.
The girlfriend, whom I knew slightly came to my office.
She couldn't understand why "I" was doing this to her.

She went on about the long relationship she had with
Husband and everything she said sounded so 'true' and
I felt sorry for her, because everything she believed
was not true.

Not what he owned or didn't own, not what he intended
or didn't intend, none of it was real. He had lied to her
and kept lying and lying, so that sitting in my office her
view of him was of a man who didn't exist.

When we went to Court and he didn't even look at her
and spoke in a voice to make it clear to the Court that
she was a fling, her mouth was just open in shock.

When they left court she tried to start a row in
the hallway, and the police gripped her, and I told the
Husband to leave, and I stayed with the Girlfriend to
calm her and make sure she didn't get arrested for
Contempt of Court.

I don't know if she has yet, (over a year) come to
grips with the fact that he never loved her at all.

Further, she is not and was not and will not be his
only adulterous affair. He has had many and will
have more.

The wife no longer cares very much what he does
but he will never leave his wife. I'm always reminded
of that scene in Analyze This where Robert De Niro
says to Billy Crystal; "Ask my wife to do what with
the mouth she uses to kiss my children?"

With this Husband it was very much the same thing.
And if you think he doesn't respect or love his wife,
just talk to her in a loud voice and you'll see how fast
he'll fling you into the street.

In this case, the tragedy is that his best friend is the
godfather of the Girlfriend's child, and she spends her
time ringing him up to ask about Husband. Husband
has so forgotten her because he's deeply involved
with another one.

[tinkerbell930]

Tough next week

Drama, next week sure will be a tough one to get through. I am sure you have major butterflies in your stomach. Try not to let all the thoughts of what could happen that day wear you out. Your best bet is to have the idea that whatever happens, happens. If he shows up or not. Ya know? It's probably easier said than done. I am sure you are thinking, "if I see him, I will tell him this and that" or if he doesn't show up how will you react? Your mind is probably on overdrive right now. If he shows up, hold your head high, no tears, let him know that you are hurt and can't believe that he has done this to you (in an even tone) and it would be nice if he would let you know what is going on. I am sure you will want to ask a ton of questions and want him to tell you he loves you and is leaving his wife or that he has his bags packed in the car just waiting for you to tell him to come home with you. I wouldn't expect that...he will be very uncomfortable having to face you at this point. He knows he has behaved really bad and looks lower than a snake. Men that know that, often act indifferent and distant...they don't know what to say to get themselves "out" of what problem they have created. He may be feeling something completely different than what he shows you. Or he may apologize to you and say that none of it was your fault and he feels really bad at how things have turned out and wishes you and your girls weren't hurt in the process but he just doesn't know what else to do but stay with the wife. Or like you said, he may just reschedule so he doesn't have to say anything. I know you love this man, but I just want to punch him in the nose, REALLY HARD! I know kaylar has seen tons of these situations and it is tough not to think she knows what the outcome of this is...but it really isn't written quite yet. I wouldn't be a good friend if I told you he loves you and is going to come back, but on the other hand, a good friend also tells you to follow your heart, you KNOW the situation way better then all of us out here. I try not to judge what "I think" the outcome is...ya know? Friends always deserve happiness and not someone to tell you what a jerk he is and how dumb you are for hanging on to hope. Life is about hope and love and when you get it and it is good, it is dang near impossible to just shrug your shoulders and say, "well, it was good while it lasted, on to the next one...", it just doesn't work that way. (sure would be great and easier on the heart and mind if it did!!!!!)....but hon', you just keep on getting up and loving your kids and God will help guide you through the rest. And I am still here every day praying for your situation!!!

[carly212]

Drama,

I have also been in a similar situation such as yourself and in my situation, he chose not to leave his wife of 20 years. It was the hardest thing in life that I had to ever digest. I am not saying this will be the same end result in your case, but it was in mine. What did I learn from that situation? I am beautiful and deserve(d) love from a single man (not someone's spouse) that cares and possess the same qualities as myself. Anyway, yes a child was born and for a long time he had no contact with his me or our child. Over time and with my prayers, he changed and became apart of our lives (as friends). We are blessed (he is still married) to have a friendship/relationship with his wife and family. Initially I was ashamed of what I had done, but was not caring about anyone else's feelings at the time. I was so wrapped up in self and knew if with child he would stay (did not happen)...I regret what I had done, but it made me an even stronger WOMAN today! Keep your head up

You have to be strong and continue to pray for guidance. You will prevail in this situation. I know it is a hard pill to swallow (been there done that). The only thing I can say is hang on in there, I hope things work itself out for the best. When you say your prayers at night say a prayer for him that he will also seek the guidance he needs in finalizing this situation w/o hurting feelings. Remember your children comes FIRST remain strong for them. No man is worth your tears.