[jen1447]

As was said above, the turning it around on you is normal for abusers/manipulators, so try to put that out of your mind, hon. As to him reading, that's interesting. Hm ....

If you're reading this Mr. Adillon0698, maybe you'd like to 'man up' and actually join the discussion here? I know the odds aren't stacked in your favor like you're used to, but is that really gonna stop you? If you have the balls, which I seriously doubt, you won't be too intimidated by a woman to try and piece together two coherent sentences. Or are you really so cowardly and stupid? I called you a coward earlier, and a fool, and I'm sticking with both because that's all I see here. Can you show me (and no, not her, ,) that you're something more?

(edit)

[rcoreyus]

The good news is that there is now a record of your complaining about abuse. This site is "anonymous" but law enforcement will have no trouble figuring out that you were here if he hurts you badly. Law enforcement generally looks at the husband / boyfriend first in any case - so if he actually carries out his threats he will spend some unpleasant time in prison as well.


I'm sorry you had problems with law enforcement before - they aren't prefect and have to go with what they see.

[Stillness]

Your last post makes it seem less like he's the abuser and more like you're mutually abusive.

Have you ever been in a healthy relationship where there aren't fights?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your Mother was wrong. You were 8 years of age. What would you know at that age? She is to blame, it was her chosen partner and she chose to do nothing about it. I'm sorry you went through that for 3 years but, you need to seek counselling to believe it's not your fault if you currently still think that it is. It can affect your life and your decisions such as picking a looser such as this guy for a partner. Until you can love yourself and realise that what happened to you was not your fault and you deserve happiness, loser's like this guy will always enter you life.

I don't know how he can live with himself. He probably thinks this is all amusing, you're pouring your heart out and he's in the background going so what, not much they can do. But just how many women can he get in his life? Doesn't sound like any really, he needs porn and the likes suggesting he has always needed that, as he's been on his own so much of his life.

Let me say this to him. The power of WH is extreme. If she finds a way to continue to speak with us away from your prying eyes.

And, already what we've told her, if she keeps it in her mind and acts on it, you lose. In-fact I'm betting you've actually already lost, assuming you are going to read this..

OP... If you need your name changed let us know.. Clear the History ..

[anamikagupta]

If i `m in your place , i would have ever left

[lizzardb63]

Seek a women's shelter immediately with your children. Leave the house behind. It's not worth you or your childrens lives. Do you leave your children alone with this man? If he has no problem hurting you, I wouldn't think he'd have a problem hurting your children. I know you had a bad experience with law enforcement, but you need to go to them and report EVERYTHING. Get a restraining order, etc. Or if possible, while you're getting these things in order, stay with a friend or family member, or anyone you trust. Just get away from this man. You are strong! Don't let him defeat you! have you tried contacting your ex that you have your children with. is there a way he can help you out? If you need a few things from your house and you know he's going to be there, make sure you bring a police officer with to gather your things.

[Claret]

The thing is with abusers - they can find every excuse under the sun to turn things around so it will ALWAYS be your fault. The familiar phrase to me when I was in my abusive first marriage was "see, look what you've made me do." "why did you make me do this" and as always followed by "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do when you make me do these things." Here he actually apologizes for your behaviour not for his.

This will show up on your children - believe me on this one. They may seem innocent and unaware but they are very aware. Take steps now.

[jen1447]

On the law enforcement question, while it's unfortunate that things turned out that way for you, it's also pretty clear why. When police get a domestic violence call, they will almost always make an arrest based on who appears to have been assaulted, which in your case was your doofus abuser unfortunately in that instance. This is really a matter of law and not some bias with the police. The law doesn't care much for stories like histories of abuse in cases like that, because the immediate facts are clear. They just see a guy with a bleeding gash in his head, a girl with a broken bottle in her hand, and a case of prima facie evidence. That's why sadly you're never actually justified in harming him at all unless you're actively defending yourself from death or serious bodily harm (and only until that threat is ended - you don't get to give him an extra shot for good measure because he's an a-hole or beat him up for being a jerk), all his past abuse notwithstanding. I know it seems terribly unfair given what these abuser turds tend to do, but you have to get over that and learn to live with it.

All that said, you have to still think of the police as your allies, because really, they are. Despite the shortcomings in the system, neither they nor any lawmakers want to see you abused, so they will 'have your back' in a very general sense. Given that, PLEASE don't dismiss them. Without the help of your local authorities, it will be a very very difficult job getting away from this creep. Use the law to your advantage, and always make sure you're on the right side of it.

If you need more specifics on the how, we're here to help.

[Adillon0698]

Yes I never fought with my childrens father. I just feel guilty in being mean to him because he says I make him the way he is. Be,I've me I don't go around hitting him for getting a message on fb. Or really cause fights. I just fight back. In my opinion I don't see anything wrong with fighting back.

[Adillon0698]

You all are right. I had a talk with him last night and expressed to him that I am tired. I can't keep it up and I can't keep trying to deal with the name calling, or the mental abuse. He listened quietly and after said, you cheated on me and I love you but I don't care anymore. I don't care about how you feel, it's like I'm emotionless. I feel so much better than you and I've never judged anyone. ( I have NEVER cheated on him. new years night he was very drunk i wanted to go home, i called a girlfriend and slept st her house til about 10 am, when i came home i went to sleep in my daughters room he came in a put his fingers in me and felt wetness and freaked out on me calling me those names. Thats when he started hitting me and throwing me around. Since then its been horrible. i cant even find a way to express to him its normal to be wet. He swears it was ejaculation. And refuses to believe me and calls me horrible things, again, i did not cheat or even spend a moment with a man that night) We bickered a little back and forth but I just ended up telling him that I know he doesn't care and he doesn't care if he hurts me or not but I asked if he would have a little respect for me and keep to himself until I can get on my feet. I asked him to respect me because he is still sleeping in my bed. Still eating the food I cook. Still wanting sex. still *****ing at me for everything he can think of. Still controlling my every move. Still wants to be in control and in this relationship. He said I'd have to deal with how he is FOR NOW bc I made him this way I said goodnight and that was it. I'm his mind he's thinking I am weak and powerless and this will continue for as long as he wants. He goes to sleep peacefully every night. In my mind, I know what I want and I have plans. I won't let this continue. I am ready to move on and be strong. I know I m strong and I am a fighter, hell, I've made it through so much more than him. One of you ladies said you believe I am mutually abusive. If standing my ground when he's trying to hurt me or walk all over me is abusive so be it. I'm not one to sit back and be quiet I will say that. I do fear him. I do not fear for my childrens safety. He does love them. His anger is focused on me but not just me, women in general. His only other serious relationship he was cheated on and I mean really cheated on for years. He never knew his father never had a step father. I feel I make excuses for him. The only person that makes me feel guilty is him. He says no one sees what he does to me. But everyone sees how I treat him because he's secretive about it. He lies to everyone. He nearly killed me that night I struck his arm with the bottle. I was seconds away from blacking out. He never told people about him doing that. He told everyone I hurt him because I am crazy. He beat his best friend with a motorcycle helmet for trying to help me. The few people who have seen what he does to me he has forbid me and contact with. I know I am not perfect and I have my problems. He knew that when he got with me. I've never been so depressed in my life. I can't even sleep. When I sleep next to him at night, all I do is replay all the fights. The bruises. The screaming. The holes in my walls. The memories he has cost me ( he destroyed all of my childrens photos from born to 2012) the friends I've lost, the hurt I feel, the constant flashbacks of being molested, the guilt bc I feel like a horrible person. I feel like he has a way to manipulate me into hating myself. I know I sound like a broken record to you all. That's why I came to this site. I am alone everyday and struggling and sometimes just need to talk. It makes me feel better i suppose. I can't talk to my family about it. I did speak to my childrens father. He is going to help me as much as he can. My mother is going to pay to get my car back. I feel like I am on the right track. If only I can bear it for a just a short while dealing with him. I'm sorry I may have said pointless things to you ladies, or things to make you confused. I try to be as open and honest with you as much as possible to see what your responses are and if you do believe I am at fault. I have no reason to lie. None of you know me, my name,cohere I live, or know him. Thank you for listening. I think I will stop posting bc I feel like an idiot just saying the same things over and over. Yet I still feel a heavy sadness and anger and depression. I fully agree with what you ladies have said. I also want to say as for the law enforcement situation. I do understand. I was in law enforcement myself. Busted my *** for a year to become a deputy. So I do understand. It's just, I know how the system works. I know he is very intelligent. I don't believe I cut him that night. I truly don't. I believe he cut himself. Things happened so fast but I know this when I left running from that house. He had no visible cut on his arm. Wen the police showed 15 mins later he had a huge gash. Bleeding everywhere. He warned me. He warned me several times if I called he'd make sure I went to jail. Anyway, thanks for reading and listening. Wherever you ladies are in this world, thank you for your support and advice. I admire you for your strength.