[Justice]

If your phone has an audio record function you might consider recording his next threats - and going to the police.
YES YES YES.

This kind of proof is invaluable in all types of situation. (even if your phone doesn't have it is you can find a computer ap or a little voice activated recorder.) Some people can get away with a lot, but it is too great when they are faced with their own words.

On a different note, I get really scared for women who just without getting support. I've read of too many cases where the ex has gone crazy violent when the woman has not really taken his threats seriously.

[jen1447]

This kind of proof is invaluable in all types of situation. (even if your phone doesn't have it is you can find a computer ap or a little voice activated recorder.) Some people can get away with a lot, but it is too great when they are faced with their own words.

One thing to note about this (sorry to be the law harpy lol but it's important) - in some states it's a felony to record phone conversations without consent. (Note that this is distinct from any phone's voicemail system - a voicemail is technically not a conversation.) States either have what's called two party consent or one party consent. In two party states, you have to have permission from both callers before a conversation can be recorded. In one party states (it's a bit of a misnomer really), you only need permission from one party - presumably the one that's doing the recording lol.

It's easy to find out which law your state holds, just Google something like "phone recording laws by state."

This is significant in that you might inadvertantly be admitting to and supplying evidence of a felony on your part if you record a conversation and go to the police with it. Given the OP's bad experiences with the police before, I think she'd like to avoid any more trouble.

Also note that this is specific only to phone conversations. Recording other forms of communication (even just regular talking) on the sly can be problematic too but that's generally not governed by the phone recording law in your state.

[Adillon0698]

Well I just feel like a big jerk calling you men ladies..... I'm sorry!!!!! I just assumed and Yes I made an a s s out of myself! Sorry I haven't been able to get on think you everyone for following my situation it means a lot to me to get such good advice. I read about the recording the conversation and also about kicking him out. He is staying in my house, I rent it and have for 2 years. I said before, there's so much to tell and not enough time...when I went to jail and got out, I WASN'T allowed home until he left. In the state of Florida as long as someone has a toothbrush at your house they legally have 30 days to stay. No matter what.

I tried to get him out then, and many times before and law enforcement told me you have choice a: get an eviction notice stick out the 30 days (which means, he would destroy my house as he always does, take my things my childrens things, throw parties which he's done before, party much he is Scott free of anything and everything he wants to do ) or choice b stick it out and go back to jail again because the odds aren't in my fair after going to jail once. So you see it's not simple.

He would definitely destroy my house, and because he lives here, legally there is nothing I could do.

So this is one f the main reasons I feel so stuck. I've been there I've tried to get him out. It's nearly hopeless. I also said we'd be alone for two days. You wouldn't believe what happened. I woke up early sent my kids with their dad and I fell asleep on the couch. He ended up leaving for work, without a word said. Later, he texted me fighting with me over my childrens father. I stood my ground. After him rambling on and on blaming me for everything I just told him look your not happy i get I'm not happy you get it let's just both shut the hell up and deal wi for it now you still claim you want to be here so then shut up about and stop finding reasons to pick at me.

He showed up at home with a rose and cried he loved me and it hurt him he woke up and I wasn't beside him. Can you believe it? I can't. It's all an act.

He continues to obsess with porn and females from work. I do believe his is the unfaithful one. I have always thought for someone to constantly point a finger must have a guilty mind. He hides his phone and won't allow me around the females he works with. Ether way, he ended up throwing my phone across the house and locking me out of the room slamming doors. Calling me names. Saying he hates me, and I'm a pos. and ya know what. iM SICK OF IT.

I had the conversation from New Years forwarded to me so he could see it. The person who picked me up. He read it and said he hates me. But he has no choice but to shut up because i proved I wasn't cheating.

Sometimes when he's home, I just tell myself just a few more months. Just stop crying over what he says and does. I've done this a year and a half now a few more months won't kill me. He still daily makes me feel like a horrible person like to all my fault. He says I bring him down I've made him this way. After you hear it for so long you start to question it maybe he's right? Maybe I am. That's why I reached out to you all. I needed someone to tell me. He is the one working, I do not. I've mentioned before why. He works full time and pays the bills. I also help pay with my child support and all the food. More than half the bills. My mother sometimes pays my electric or water. I can't help but feel bad for using him until my tax return. I feel if I do this, it makes me just as bad him. I know I can get out if this when I get that money and my car back, but I feel bad still living with him, hear him say he loves me and I say it back. But if I don't try my best to be nice and make peace all hell breaks loose.

He continues to come home, get stoned all night til 6 am and ague with me. He's just mean now. If there's a bug in the house and I mention it, he will say things like that's what you get for leaving the door open after I told you not to. He thinks he's always right and it drives me insane. He calls me stupid. For so many things. I really appreciate hearing a mans point of view as well, it helps me believe it I suppose?

It hasn't been physical for a few weeks, just mentally draining. Everyday it's the same. Everyday I want to help to make Things better. I try and he finds a way to make them worse. I'm tired of him walking all over me. Ugh it's just so disrespectful the things he's doing. You'd think after all this I would cheat on him. I tell myself it would be good to get revenge or talk to someone who really does care for me, but then I think ummm no. No way will I stoop to his level! Besides he's always said he'd kill me if he ever caught me. I can't afford to record him when he says this, and it's always at random times. Since I've been with him, I've had to replace 5 phones, 3 cameras and other things...crippled my thermostat off the wall once so I'd suffer in the heat while he was at work.

I think the worst is all the times he's taken huge cups if water and threw it in my face and then throws the cup at my face. I hate that. Overall I'm just becoming so angry and impatient. Feeling used and not respected at all.

[Adillon0698]

I want to add, I also have pets that I love with all my heart. A German shepherd that's my life, a weener dog for my daughter, and I recently took in a stray kitty. The other day when he was mad, he took my cat and locked her in my outside shed for 18 hours, no food or water, and told me he got rid of her! I cried and cried and went searching for her. He finally gave n and told me he locked her away. He did this to hurt me, and I don't put it past him to do this with my other animals, or my belongings. I felt this is important to tell. Just an insight on the things he holds over my head.

[rcoreyus]

First the easy one: we ARE posting on a WOMEN's forum - perfectly reasonable for you to assume we were women. (and take this as an example that normal sane reasonable people do not get upset / angry at tiny things).

He is horrible. I know he has done worse, but I have a particular soft spot for pets - locking up your cat to get back at you is despicable. Throwing water at you, complaining.... I'm out of words to describe his behavior. You need to get him out of your life, the question is how....

Is the lease in your name or his? If its in your name, what gives him the right to stay? Maybe you need to consult an attorney - there may be some that will provide a free consultation.

Does your family really not understand what is going on?

Has he ever threatened your children in any way? That will get a quick response from child protective services - though I'm always very hesitant to get them involved.

Maybe talk to your landlord. Explain that your BF is likely to destroy the landlord's home, and you are powerless to stop him.

To the boyfriend (who I know is reading this): What is going on here can only end in disaster. You can continue to ruin her life, but at some point law enforcement will get involved and then you are screwed as well. Even if you avoid prison, with the internet records will follow you everywhere, forever. What do you have to gain from treating someone like this? Your life may suck, but harming someone else won't make it better. If the poster is a terrible person, then why not leave? However bad things are, no one can take your honor: if you have nothing else, why throw it away.

[atskitty2]

I am not coming from a place of being insensitive to how difficult it can be to leave, but just get the hell out of there!! These are your lives we're talking about here, not cell phones & stained carpet...
Talk to a lawyer, there's legal aid in every state, I do believe. Call a women's shelter - even in my smaller town there's a place who can arrange that even into rural areas, to help women/children!
I truly feel compassion for you, but leave it all behind, screw the costs incurred & get yourselves to safety! I can't understand why waiting for anything is more important than possibly saving your lives?

Again, nothing said rudely, or from any place but concern for you, but get yourselves out of there Lady!

[jen1447]

Adillon, this may sound strange but I'd like to ask you to publicly name this guy here. Unless he has a very uncommon name, it would be best if you also told us the state where you live and his date of birth.

Mods, if you're concerned about this, my thinking is that by doing so, he's 'on the record' so to speak. I know that nothing posted on an internet forum will be considered terribly incriminating by itself, but if this pattern of abuse goes on it would be good to have substantiated more than just "something is happening, somewhere." I also know that there's no telling if anything said here is really true, but nothing bad will happen from making that info pubic alone. (We can't open credit card accounts in his name with it, for example. And yet it serves to make him no longer totally anonymous.)

One of the ways these cowardly guys are successful is thru anonymity, so let's take that away from him. I guarantee you he'll squirm a little at us getting in his personal space. "Oh no, I don't have total control!!!"

If anyone would feel better about it, she could either PM the info to me or mods/admins here as an alternative.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Adillon this is where I wished I didn't live in Australia. Here we don't have those rules " as long as there is a toothbrush" 30 days. I am a Property Manager and Real Estate Agent amongst other things but WC who was our head mod here for along time is a Property Manager in the United States... Perhaps she can give us some advise privately on this.

This guy is as week as gawd I wish I could say it... Let's just say water. Oh that fits, he throws water at you, weak as.

Corey said he knows "he's reading this" this bothers me with answering .. I trust Corey with his thoughts.

You are right sweet, getting men and women's perspective is what you need.

I'm going to PM you. If you don't mind. Just on one note ok. You don't have enough posts to answer me back you need 33 or so, think on it please.

I think you have to be careful what you put here if you believe it's possible he can read this, as I said don't save your history remember your password. We can change your name.

I would like to know where you are from so I can ask WC for her advice.

At this point as much as I feel I can add a whole lot, I don't want to.

At this point keep venting even if he is reading, he's getting his rocks off but he must understand the power of the Internet.. At some point he will fall and fall bad.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Jen, I don't think that is a good idea. Though I know your intentions. I am remembering he still lives there for at least 30 days...


The OP can not PM until she reaches 33 or so posts, we could have some fun in the lounge like first word that comes to mind, or post a picture of beautiful animals or. or. .... I have some old ones I could bring up.

[Claret]

If the OP goes to the police and gets an Order of Protection, then he will not be allowed near her or her children under penalty of being arrested for breaching the order. It gets him out of the house immediately upon being granted and would probably only take a day or so to get it enforced.

I don't think it's a good idea for him to read anything about him on this forum or on any other device. It will only serve to make him angrier, and will only serve for him to escalate his actions. AND, somehow it will be her fault. You must know how and when an abuser thinks. You have to know the little things that can and will set them off. This is NOT a little thing, letting him read any type of words against him would be considered very very big in his mind.

You do not antagonise abusers by words, actions or deeds. Unless you've been there you don't know how bad it can get. Further, if your children are around the house while the abuse is going on you can be charged with child endangerment if he gets out o control and ties into one of them.

Think about things very carefully.