[CHANDLERS WISH]

Don't stop posting please. And, thanks for opening up and sharing with us.

I couldn't fathom losing babies photos that's an aweful thing to do.

Look, you are on the right track, people are now coming out of the wood work to help you get out of there. You are opening up, talking and people ARE listening...

There are a lot of men out there like this guy, though most don't take that step further of physical abuse, they do pretend you are the aggressor and they are the victim that you hit or cut them, it's such a hatred for women.

You are making excuses for him but it's not your fault that he is dark. He was bought up by women, no men in his life, I suspect no love either.. He is weak. He hates women, so he abuses them, he thinks they are all tarts and will all cheat on him, nothing you can ever say will change that.

It's funny, we think we can change people but we can't. We hear their heart stories and fall and think, we can help, we can't. And, what do we get? Abuse / Control / Attempts of hurting us / this is not un-common.. Your story I have read hundreds of times, and I am part of that story on the hate of women, attempted control put downs, verbal abuse..

Yet I wasn't a cop, I was in an investigative industry, and I am intelligent as you are. They prey on the weak or wait until they strike, when chips are down in other avenues and prey.

Hang in there.. Keep working towards getting the help from others.

You will not know yourself once you have broken free from this.. A calm will come, anger too, but such a calm that when you smile it will be because you can finally be yourself totally and no one will be there to control you, hurt you.

So you hanging around? We hope so.

[Adillon0698]

Yes all those beautiful moments captured, all the beautiful videos of my babies. Breaks my heart. I cried like a baby when he did it. On the up side, I bought grapes for my two little munchkins. My son Noah 7, my daughter adalyn 5, annnnd I am finding them all over my house in places I didn't even know existed. Haha a giggle for today. Another precious, blessed moment I am lucky to have.

[Adillon0698]

Thank you! If I can secretly keep it up I will. Hopefull ill get happy and be able to give advice!

[Stillness]

One of you ladies said you believe I am mutually abusive. If standing my ground when he's trying to hurt me or walk all over me is abusive so be it.

It was this "lady."

I said that your post makes it seem like the abuse maybe mutual because you said you get drunk and start fights with him. I do recognize that this can be a defense mechanism. I wasn't trying to blame you.

Either way, it sounds like you recognize it's not a good situation. It also sounds like you're making plans to get away, which seems smart.

Also, I don't think defending yourself is abusive. It's a basic right. That also extends to courtesy that we may extend to someone when we're breaking up with them. Generally, it's nice to let them know you're not happy and you're leaving to give them closure. Someone like your boyfriend is not entitled to that consideration - not out of spite, but out of self-preservation. He doesn't care about you or your children well, or he wouldn't be abusing you. Violence to you is violence to them. When the controlling, violent type lose control of their subject, they can become murderous and they don't care who's in the way.

[Adillon0698]

That is a very valid point stillness! I will definitely keep that in mind. People do lose it sometimes and take their anger out on anyone in their path. I am thinking for now he is numb and hateful. I will do my best to keep myself and my children out of that path. They are with their father for the next few days. That's always when things get bad around here. Edgar has learned not to mess with me in front of them because their little eyes and their little ears do tell all. Pray for peace ladies!

[jen1447]

To heck with that Adillon. If he starts in with that, call the police. And/or get in touch with a shelter. You DON'T have to take it.

[jns]

Once you decide to make the break, don't look back. Too often the abused goes back with the abuser. At that point the abuser has even more power.

BTW, Stillness, rcoreyus and myself are guys so you have been getting opinions and observations from both ladies and gentlemen.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If he finds this thread by chance, let us know, we will work to change your name so you can post again, yes Mr, we are here for the lady ....

Edit:-

BTW, Stillness, rcoreyus and myself are guys

Had to giggle over Stillness's answer "yes it was this lady"

Our members are awesome male and female, a fantastic mix and consequently great advice all way around. It helps to get opinions from both sexes on a number of subjects. We are lucky to have these three and other men on this Forum..

The rest I believe are female that have replied Jen you are aren't you? Light humor is a good thing, I hope you laughed OP...

[rcoreyus]

Something to remember: He has not right of any sort to "forbid" you from contacting friends, or doing anything else you want. This is not imperial Rome, he has no legal **authority** of any sort over you. He can threaten physical violence, but that is completely illegal.

He may magnify anything you have done wrong in the past. Even if you have made mistakes, many people have done bad things in their lives - they regret and learn, but people are NOT expected to have to atone for their mistakes forever. (you may never have done anything wrong, but even if you did, its OK).

He is following the standard abuser script: isolate you from family and friends, try to make you feel it is somehow your fault. Create a situation where you have no power whatsoever (sometimes I wonder if there is a book that teaches this....).

Once he figures out you are still posting here, he will take your computer access away. You need to get in contact with friends and family NOW.

If your phone has an audio record function you might consider recording his next threats - and going to the police.

I don't know your current financial setup. Who pays the rent or owns where you live? Do you have a job or job skills? Saved money? Family that might help? I know its easy for posters here to say "leave", but the reality for some people is quite difficult. Your original post said "he moved in". Is this YOUR place? Your name of the lease, or you own it? If so, you can just throw him out. (then change the locks) Really. Just tell him to leave, and if he refuses, call the police.

He doesn't have any real power over you, his is just trying to trick you into thinking he does.

[jen1447]

Great post. ^ I think she said somewhere earlier that it's her place, so yeah, she should throw him out, only call the police first and tell them you expect trouble and you'd like an assist.

The rest I believe are female that have replied Jen you are aren't you?

Let me check ....nope, still nothing dangling down there.