[jen1447]

But when this ends, I don't want a battle to the death with court, or with him. I could end up losing my children. That is number one for me at all times. This is why I can't tell my family. My mother would fight to get them and has the money to do so. I could lose everything I own and not give a ****. My babies are my life and I will fight with everything in me to keep them.

Just so you know hon, it's extremely rare for courts to decide in favor of anyone but the mother when it comes to custody matters. As long as you're even marginally competent, they won't be taken away from you, and even in that rare circumstance your mother would probably be next in line behind their father. No one 'buys' child custody in this country - it just doesn't work that way. Generally, the most even guys with a lot of money can get with an expensive attorney is an improvement on their allotted days or visitation rights. So they might get an extra weekend a month, not sole custody. Don't stress over that.

[rcoreyus]

Adilon - do you have a history of legal / criminal problems. Not being judgmental, but it could affect they way that law enforcement and the courts treat you. Does your BF have a history of legal problems?

[jen1447]

She couldn't be a police officer with a criminal history.

[rcoreyus]

I think she said she was a police officer but not any more. This issues could have been since then. If she is currently a police officer, then this is MUCH simpler.

Just trying to get more insight into the situation and trying to understand if he really has credible power / threat over her, or has just convinced her that he does. If for some reason she can't make use of law enforcement and the legal system, that changes the situation a lot. (sadly, someone with a criminal record in practice receives a lot less protection from the police and courts).

[Adillon0698]

Good point Jen. I just fear everything at this point. Corey I have never been in trouble with the law. Not even a misdemeanor. I was 19 when I went into the academy clean slate. Unfortunately I moved, was applying for a new sheriffs office, and wrecked my car. Points on my license and they wouldn't hire me. When I was arrested over that fight with him, they charged me with felony battery with a deadly weapon. A very serious charge. I never went to trial or anything bc he dropped the charge. But it still follows me around as you or someone said before. If you look up my name, it's there. For some reason I don't feel like my life is in danger or my kids. It's just a feeling. Maybe because this has been happening for so long and he's never tried to kill me? I don't know anymore. I'm so confused I don't know what's right to think or what's wrong. My babies are with their daddy now. Will be til Sunday. Thankfully. He doesn't beat me daily like other women get. I almost feel like I've made a big deal of nothing? I don't know. He seems to believe we are in this for the long run and I'm the one with issues. Either way I'm getting out. My car is home as of today! Now just to get my tags and a job! I hate to confuse everyone I suppose that's another reason I needed your advice so much. I never saw myself as a victim of abuse. Just someone in a bad relationship that needed to talk. I don't want to be a victim of anything.

[Adillon0698]

He messes with my head everyday. I want to diet and he tells me I WILL eat. I told him not after 8 pm and he gets home late and tries to force me to eat or he holds things over my head. I think he just wants me fat! I swear it. He makes me think that I've caused all this and he finds a way to legitimately make it my fault. So everyday I feel like I'm going crazy.

[Stillness]

He messes with my head everyday. I want to diet and he tells me I WILL eat. I told him not after 8 pm and he gets home late and tries to force me to eat or he holds things over my head. I think he just wants me fat! I swear it. He makes me think that I've caused all this and he finds a way to legitimately make it my fault. So everyday I feel like I'm going crazy.

This is almost worse than hitting you. Even if he never hit you one time, a friend (let alone your man) is not supposed to be this way. He's supposed to lift you up, not tear you down.

You can eat healthy. That's good for you and everyone around you - especially the one person who's supposed to be special. If he discourages you he doesn't love you or himself - not like he should. It's a twisted kind of love, maybe. If you got obese, he'd be calling you a fat ____. You will never get ahead with that kind of person. I've seen it. They simply don't know how to enjoy goodness, so they won't have it. You can stand your ground, give in, love them, fight them. It doesn't matter. You can't fix them. They'll turn anything against you.

[rcoreyus]

It is true that there are men who regularly beat their women - but is is VERY far from normal and considered a very serious felony in the US. Most men have NEVER hit their partners. There are men who kill people and bury them in their back yard - that doesn't mean that someone who doesn't do that is OK.

Your boyfriend insisting on oral sex or he would kill your cat might well be considered rape by some juries. (and I consider it to be rape). He is a terrible person and belongs in prison or in the ground.

The only question here is how you can leave without serious danger to yourself or your children. We don't know this guy, so we can only guess. Do you think he will really try to harm you, or is he just trying to convince you not to leave.

To simplify the situation: The guy (I won't call him a man) you are with is horrible, and you will leave. All that you need to do is figure out how to do so safely. Have you tried talking to the police?

[Adillon0698]

Well it's been a few days since I've posted, I guess I'm just ashamed to keep whining about my situation when all of my supporters think I should just pack and leave. We of course had a huge fight. He stayed out til 130 am after work, says he wrecked his motorcycle and his phone was dead couldn't text to tell me. E only txt I got was whatever dude leave idc I hate everything. I'm pretty positive he was drunk and wrecked either way I left to a girlfriends so I wouldn't have to deal with his drunkness. Was gone 2 hours, came home to my house trashed. All my clothes threw out onto a wet floor. Busted glass everywhere. I think mostly I was really hurt at what he did to the only nice things I have owned in my life. My mother and sister bought me very expensive hair care products...blow dryers...straighteners, makeup ...I never have anything nice and truly appreciated them. I found everything busted to a million pieces and thrown over my back yard. Including my daughters little hair things... It's replaceable I know that. It just hurts that he would go that far and not care one bit and say I deserved it. When I asked him why he said I'm lucky he didn't burn my house to the ground. At this point, I feel broken and pathetic. He has me so trapped. I can't wait to get this money and get him out. I asked him to leave the other night when this happened, he refused. He said legally he has 30 days and he will NOT leave until then. I spoke to a very close family friend that is a deputy in this county.. He said there's nothing I can do. He can tear up what he wants because legally it's his home too. He advised me not to push for an eviction because it will only make him angrier and that's why I haven't already. I am just fed up, and over it. Ill never get myself in a situation like this again. Ever.

[Adillon0698]

Stillness and Corey...wish I could have met men like you before all this! Maybe i would have known to stay away from guys like him. A little boy who thinks he's a god...thanks for your advice. It means a lot.