[somiserable]

I found out in March that my husband had cheated on me with three women, we separated for three months and then I took him back. I have found it hard to forgive him and it has come up on more than one occasion, however recently he started to hit me, first it was just a shove, then a slap in the face and two days before Xmas it was full blown punches. I thought carefully for a few days at my mums before deciding, after he locked me out of the house, to have him arrested and today it happened, he was in the cells for six hours, now hes home again and I intend to file for divorce. Why do I feel so guilty about doing it though, I know theres nothing left to salvage and that he will never change, hes not spoken to me for months in the past, silent treatment all the time when there was an argument, constantly put me down in front of people and screamed at me when things didn't go his way (for example when he was lost on his way to work). He told me I wasn't even good looking and he didn't know why he'd stayed for 13 years!! Yet I still feel guilty, any advice anyone? I am as my username suggests "so miserable".

[LanaBear]

Well... I'm glad you are out of the situation and intend to file for divorce. He doesn't deserve you.

It's natural to feel guilty. You've been with him for 13 years, no matter what, he's a part of you. But, you are doing what is best for you and I applaud you for getting out sooner rather than later.

Stick to your guns and build up a support network.

Welcome to the forums as well. Stick around, you'll come to like us and hopefully you won't be 'so miserable' anymore, we'll help you through this!

[Futureboy]

so-mi-seribal (I-am-thinking) it's bad spelling but it shows you're you can rethink it

What else would you do. If you had not taken this action eventually there would be one outcome. Murder it was just a question of him or you.

I am being dramatic, you are unhappy you morn for the once good man he was and you morn for the relationship now dead.

You will feel low for sometime but you will pull through. You have saved yourself. You have saved him and you have saved any new relationship you have.

keep busy find something to make you happy and you will be happy

Good luck for the future

[somiserable]

many thanks for your support, when I found out he had cheated I started drinking a lot, I have stopped, it just clouds my vision too much, he will never change and so the police told me he will only get worse, I have been to see about a new mortgage today and have been looking for a new house, re arranged the bank accounts, etc I will not celebrate xmas again, will start a new year as I mean to go on....

[rcoreyus]

I'm not nearly as concerned about the cheating as about him hitting you. In my book that is unacceptable, unforgivable. You are right to leave and don't look back.

[somiserable]

Advice please!!!

I realised he will never change when there was not one hint of an apology after he did it. Two days before xmas too!! He cheated on me, and devastated me but quite honestly I wont be sorry to get out of this house and move on, he wont change, he is uncapable of it. I have been called stupid, thick, ugly and told he is much cleverer than me, well enough is enough, NO man will ever treat me with as little disrespect as him again. I hope I'm headed onwards and upwards now! Does it get better? I dont hurt as much as I used to, I just need to know theres a light at the end of the tunnel!

[Ahryin]

I came into this post thinking I would have to say something you might not like. I find myself breathing easy because you are a woman that gets it! Yes its hard but you get it! I am VERY proud of you. Do you realize how many women don't get it. Don't realize when it's time to leave. When enough is enough! Listen to that song by Eve it was in early 2000 some time and she described one of her good friends who was taking a beating by a man who lied and cheated and the woman stayed until he killed her. Yes its a song but for many women it is a reality. I am a woman that fights back always have been, but not every woman is built for that. I know when to leave and i'm happy that you do as well. You ask why you feel guilty or regret, its because you are used to or were used to being with him. He was a part of your every day life for years and you feel a sense of obligation and faithfulness to him. Its ok to still love him but do not allow that to overcome your sense of judgement. Not everything we love is good for us. A person that can understand that, can understand the world. You deserve to be treated like treasure you are. So stand firm, stand strong, above all else love yourself more. You will be rewarded in the end.
I'm more than sure you will recieve a lot of support from this site. I have found it to be comprised of many wonderful, caring and gifted people. I'm here if you need me

Ahryin

[Futureboy]

CHANGE ALL YOUR INTERNET LOGINS too

You may think he doesn't know but he can probably guess given time

Change your logon to WH to SOHAPPY or SEXY&SINGLE or something positive

Well done go to the top of the class

This year will be hard but remember if it's hard it worth it

Good luck and please continue to post for others in similar situations

[somiserable]

Many thanks to you all for your wonderful caring words! Ahyrin, I will remember yours for a very long time, no one has ever told me they are proud of me so that was wonderful!!! I feel like I can move forward AND be happy to do it, whereas before I wasn't sure, its like buying new shoes, you want them but sometimes they just don't fit, so I am making inroads into changing my life into a happy positive time, 40th birthday on July 4th so I intend to live life to the full!!! Future boy, good point, I will change the log ins, and I hope that I will be able to help other people too in the future, it feels good!!

[Futureboy]

Cool

And everybody knows girls look hot in new shoes