[CHANDLERS WISH]

So you live in England?

I'm pretty sure that it's a 50/50 if not more for your side, as well as child maintenance until your child is 18 as far as the law goes. He's trying to hood wink you..

But, more so, you are saying that you "own" the house? It's under your name only?

Can you afford to pay the Mortgage on your own? If you don't work, would you be able to obtain a job to help that?

Can you afford to seek legal aid over there, there's always the first 1hr free somewhere in that system in most States.

Don't mix "love" for "lonley" and don't mix "love" for "that's all I've known, 13 years, now what do I do"...

He is abussive you have records of such, you have made police reports.

I know what it's like walking on egg shells and hearing the thumping of feet, coming towards your bedroom door, cowering under the sheet, waiting for the outburts, that you know you did nothing wrong.

I know what it's like to be verbally abused, put down, "get a decent job", whilst he was not working. I know what it's like to "lose money" I haven't divorced yet because of the very same reason, you need to find the answer in that regard. I nearly gave mine what "he" wanted, just to end it. Then I thought twice and realised, geez, it will cost me $3500 to do this, with property settlement and he's not paying any of it, yet again, I lose. Maybe, I'll sit back and seek proper advice and then make my decision.

Don't do something you'll regret, you have a child. He is hood winking you.

If it's your house, you ask for family members to come and stay with you for two weeks, change the locks and put his stuff on the verandah. He can't hurt you with people there and then theirs the police if he yells and screams. It's tresspassing if you don't want him there, it's your house, your paying the Mortgage and it's under your name.

That's very scary to do, but is there someone that would stay with you for a little while?

A man like this is only "man enough" to hit you on your own, not when someone else is around.

Did he always treat you this way? You say he gets drunk at the local. Has he always drank?

Not that it matters, or that is an excuse but he needs help from the sounds of it, I'm just trying to establish whether or not his abuse stems from drinking or if he is like this with you sober as well...

CW

[Futureboy]

GET LEGAL ADVICE MONDAY MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please note the following is what i think not legal advice.

I dont agree with UK law and the fact that women get basically everything but this should benefit you.

If you are unemployed you are probably entitled to Spoucle maitenance for the rest of your life (most women don't go for this)

You are probably entitled to the house or a financial equivelent to a house as you have a child by him.

You are probably entitled to about 25% of his wage for child maintenance

You are entitled to all sorts of family credit and benefits (not means tested off the maintenence as tax has already paid on it) once he's gone

If the house is in your name put it on the market it you cant afford to keep it.

Show him you will not be messed with, if he touches you get a restraining order.

I went out with a girl who was married to a banker She has three kids £30k pa plus in maintenance plus about 10k pa in governemnt help and she got the house procedeeds (£300k). However the battle was bitter and it cost them collectivly £60k in lawyers. He got to keep his porsche and cant be rssd to so his kids.

A word of warning he will be looking to put maximum damage to finances right now (either malitiious or just self indulgent) drink, coke, strippers, holiday with the girlfriend etc.

Monday morning get a solicitor and go to the bank if you have shared accounts and get them frozen or empty them into you childs account (not sure you're allowed to do this)

I have a friend she is one of the nicest women you will ever meet. She was married and pregnant. He was having it away with the local barmaid. She found out and asked for a divorce in the meanwhile it turned out he had secret loans and was going on a spending spree and a coke binge. £40k later She bought him out. Alot of money for a secretary. He then did a bunk to the middle east and has only just started paying maintenance 4 years later (which is an insult). I would look to have a few choice words with him.

Financials can take years to sort so sooner you start then sooner he's gone.

Remember You are entitled to loads more than 50% 'cos your a mother and you have no job so you can bring up your child

[somiserable]

I understand what you are all saying but I do work, I own the company (which isnt doing great at the minute), it was doing fantastically well until the recession, which is when he was in the local, lording it up to his friends telling them that "us monkeys worked for him". I spoke to a solicitor, one hour free, she says he will be advised to register his interest in the property, even though its in my name only, because its the marital home, he still has rights, and I would most likely end up paying maintenance for him as he doesnt work, apparently they call it "interim maintenance", until he finds himself a job. I cant change the locks either because of his rights, I checked into that too. Chandler, he has always been in the pub since we got together, I never said a word, and he was never physically abusive in the first 13 years, only when I found out he cheated. I can afford to stay here on my own (by the skin of my teeth) but the bills would only just be covered, I'd have no money left for food etc. He wanted the company when it was making money, now he says he doesnt want it because I ran it into the ground because I didn't have a clue what I was doing, ironic thing to say for a man who only worked in it 52 days in five years!!!! I've told him I'd rather sell it and split the profit and everything in it 50:50, but he doesnt want that either, getting that decision out of him was bad enough because he wont speak to me unless pushed, then I go round the merry go round again that if I push, I'll get leathered!!! However if he does this he'll spend longer than six hours in the cells!! I'm fighting a losing battle, do you know any good solicitors anyone that work for free? LOL I'm at the end of my tether!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

lol's if you find one, let me know, cause I need one too.

Well, I get that, I own a real estate company, to sell it would be selling off the Property Management rentals, but that would go back to the banks for starting the business up.

We jointly own the buidling, but I have paid $4500 a month since we bought it, the Mortgage plus Strata, outgoings.

At the time of separation is the key I think... At the time of my separation the building was valued $100k below what I borrowed, now it's valued at the amount borrowed.

My ex, wanted 40% of any profit or half payout? Half of what? There's no equity Now he's settled for 20%, as property settlement and keeps his house, the one I spent $70k on in our marriage, which I want back.

So, as you can see, I'm in the same boat.... That's why I haven't divorced, it's like, wait a minute, there's no equity in the building, he never stepped foot in it for maintanance and I've paid everything, and then there's the $70k that I put into the house, including when he wasn't working, and I took $20k of that out of my equity of my home to help.

Seems our laws are simular...

It's not about money, they are classed as gifts. It's not about who paid what. It will only be about equity. What equity you both had when you married which I assume was nil then. And, what it is at the time of separation and then it's divided and yes, he can take what you have worked hard for.

My lawyer said, he would owe me around $50k and he wouldn't get anything of the building, as he has never stepped in it or paid anything, I would have to find all documentation of what I have paid, over that time and values.

I think the problem is if he's not working, he will never be able to pay child support anyway and your on your own there, going back and forth to Courts regardless of what he is awarded to pay to you.

I would suggest he knows all of this. As, mine does.

I think it sucks when we do everything right to help in a marriage and they don't, then they want to take us to the cleaners, it's usually the other way round huh

I can say, "don't live in an abusive relationship", if your going to lose your going to lose anyway aren't you?

Your only option is to leave and work on property settlement back and forth until you get something that your comfortable with, then proceed with Divorce.

I am not divorcing until I get further legal advice and to be honest, instead I intend on building the business more, it owes me, as yours will owe you, seek advice from your accountant, and therefore, that money is not taxable that you take out of it, take time to re-build it for a few months, work your butt off, take the income out of it, your separated, he doesn't work in the business at that point and can't claim it, plus you state "you own it".. So that much advice I can give you...

Concentrate on the business, find ways to market it and get more business and take the money, get a good lawyer from there sweet.

That's my next move.

Seek legal advice for your Country though about you leaving the marital home, whilst it is still under your name, if that has any effect on property settlement, including your laws, regarding it being "your business" and the income you can take out of it as it grows again, based on your debts with your accountant, that you can do that, as I can.

If not, get, go, and concentrate on your business and you, then worry about the settlement later....

[Guest]

can you just go ahead and put the house up for sale? if the deed/title is just in your name why wouldnt you be able to do that? did you own it before you got married? even if he's entitled to 50%, it'd be worth it to just get out.

[Futureboy]

What a waste of space only worked 52 days in 5 years, has he no self respect. (stupid question, clearly not)

I am willing to bet he'll work hard at (EDIT) you over.

I can't see him wanting or able to get a job anytime soon. He is clearly going to go self destructive

Can you borrow the money from family or friends to at least get things going with a solicitor?

Can you borrow against the firm or house?

The best place to store rollerskates is on the stairs (please note I am joking)

You've got the toughest year of your life ahead of you. You will make it through.

[danceintx]

I don't know about other countries, but where I live if a spouse is convicted of family violence he not only will not get maintenence, but you are then entilited to it.

[somiserable]

I think I am going to have to remortgage the house to pay him off, but I have gotten up in a different frame of mind this morning, I think the quicker it is over the better. Chandler, it is so hard when you run a business together, since I set it up five years ago it caused nothing but problems, working and living together are a terrible combination even though he only worked 52 days in five years for it. He always wanted the last say and thought he knew it all when really he hadn't got a clue!! Myself and the staff did all the work while he lorded it up to his mates!! I'm going to seek advice from a solicitor, itll cost me cos I'm not entitled to legal aid but I hope that for once god is looking down on me (even though I'm not religious) to be on my side for once. The sooner he leaves the better for me! I can get on and live my life!! I'll let you all know how it goes....

[WildChild]

Do get a solicitor, in most places as I understand it, it is the situation at the time of Legal Separation, that counts. Just one of you moving out or such, doesn't count. With values down on property and business, it may turn out to your advantage to have things valued now. Can you get him out of the house and rent out any part of it for some extra income? You have the advantage in that you have been working and are fully capable of supporting yourself and your child. He now has a record of violence and you should lengthen that record if he even looks or sounds like he may lash out again. You can argue credibly in court that you fear his violence for yourself and your child.
Unfortunately in these cases you have to look at it as cutting your loses rather than holding what you should have. You given enough of your life to this, time to move forward and win some happiness for yourself.

[Futureboy]

Consider going fixed rate on a mortgage. I hear Base rate may be going up to 2% by year end.

Get a an experian credit report (it's free if you cancel in time) this will probably tell you about loans app made by people in you house and give you and idea of whether you will get a mortgage

Don't give him anything unless your solicitor says you have to

Think of it like waxing (It looks rough now, it's going to be painful, it'll cost more than you think is should, it'll going to look great when it's all over and you will be releaved)


Governement Rent a room scheme approx 4.5k tax free