[sourpuss]

I'm not locking this thread Sally, you need to get to a doctor and take this irrational behavior seriously before it ruins you and your marriage.

[Ashlee T.]

Body Dysmorphic Disorder:

Symptoms
Common symptoms of BDD include:

Obsessive thoughts about (a) perceived appearance defect(s).
Obsessive and compulsive behaviors related to (a) perceived appearance defect(s) (see section below).
Major depressive disorder symptoms.
Delusional thoughts and beliefs related to (a) perceived appearance defect(s).
Social and family withdrawal, social phobia, loneliness and self-imposed social isolation.
Suicidal ideation.
Anxiety; possible panic attacks.
Chronic low self-esteem.
Feeling self-conscious in social environments; thinking that others notice and mock their perceived defect(s).
Strong feelings of shame.
Avoidant personality: avoiding leaving the home, or only leaving the home at certain times, for example, at night.
Dependent personality: dependence on others, such as a partner, friend or family.
Inability to work or an inability to focus at work due to preoccupation with appearance.
Decreased academic performance (problems maintaining grades, problems with school/college attendance).
Problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate relationships and friendships).
Alcohol and/or drug abuse (often an attempt to self-medicate).
Repetitive behavior (such as constantly (and heavily) applying make-up; regularly checking appearance in mirrors; see section below for more associated behavior).
Seeing slightly varying image of self upon each instance of observing a mirror or reflective surface.
Note: any kind of body modification may change one's appearance. There are many types of body modification that do not include surgery/cosmetic surgery. Body modification (or related behavior) may seem compulsive, repetitive, or focused on one or more areas or features that the individual perceives to be defective.
[edit] Compulsive behaviors
Common compulsive behaviors associated with BDD include:

Compulsive mirror checking, glancing in reflective doors, windows and other reflective surfaces.
Alternatively, an inability to look at one's own reflection or photographs of oneself; also, the removal of mirrors from the home.
Attempting to camouflage the imagined defect: for example, using cosmetic camouflage, wearing baggy clothing, maintaining specific body posture or wearing hats.
Use of distraction techniques: an attempt to divert attention away from the person's perceived defect, e.g. wearing extravagant clothing or excessive jewelry.
Excessive grooming behaviors: skin-picking, combing hair, plucking eyebrows, shaving, etc.
Compulsive skin-touching, especially to measure or feel the perceived defect.
Becoming hostile toward people for no known reason, especially those of the opposite sex, or same sex if same-sex attracted.
Seeking reassurance from loved ones.
Excessive dieting or exercising, working on outside appearance.
Self-harm
Comparing appearance/body parts with that/those of others, or obsessive viewing of favorite celebrities or models whom the person suffering from BDD wishes to resemble.
Compulsive information-seeking: reading books, newspaper articles and websites that relate to the person's perceived defect, e.g. hair loss or being overweight.
Obsession with plastic surgery or dermatological procedures, often with little satisfactory results (in the perception of the patient).
In extreme cases, patients have attempted to perform plastic surgery on themselves, including liposuction and various implants with disastrous results.
Excessive enema use (if obesity is the concern).

The most effective treatment for BDD is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In some cases it is caused by low seretonin levels in the brain and can be remedied with supplement.

While we all want to help you, we cannot. We can not help you look at yourself differently, anymore than we can make someone with OCD stop "needing" to wash their hands 75 times a day. Your view is distorted, irrational, and no one can help that............but you. So if your marriage means anything, if your health means anything, if living a happy life means anything.....then get yourself some professional help.

[sourpuss]

While we all want to help you, we cannot. We can not help you look at yourself differently, anymore than we can make someone with OCD stop "needing" to wash their hands 75 times a day. Your view is distorted, irrational, and no one can help that............but you. So if your marriage means anything, if your health means anything, if living a happy life means anything.....then get yourself some professional help.

Just want to make sure Sally sees this part of the post.

[tritonalum07]

...

As Dr. Phil would say, you cannot change what you don't acknowledge. As long as you continue to place blame on your husband for his reactions to YOUR behavior, you will not get help and you will not get better. I'm sorry if this is blunt, but sometimes people need a slap in the face to change. Wake up and stop blaming other people. What you seem to have is body dysmorphic disorder, a form of OCD, which I have been dealing with since I was 13, so I UNDERSTAND your preoccupation with your body, as I have been preoccupied with all sorts of various ridiculous thoughts. You can either continue to suffer and watch the world around you crumble, at which point you will have no one to blame but yourself, or you can acknowledge that you have a psychiatric problem, stop blaming your husband, and start recovering.

[sallyskellington]

I am trying guys I really am.. I just don't see whats wrong with wanting to look like what I think attractive is. I know it's wrong to say my husband it not attracted to me and he's lying and the only reason he is attracted to me is that he loves me not b/c I'm actually attractive. I just idk I'm trying I just my standard of beauty is really high and idk I just... I'm can't get the words to come out.

[Ashlee T.]

I know my last post was incredibly long.......but read it. Read the symptoms, read the characteristics.

Your husband didn't love you when he first met you. He SAW a woman he found attractive, sexy, beautiful. This was before he got to know you and fell in love with you as a person.

Read what you just said and pretend someone else wrote it.

I know it's wrong to say my husband it not attracted to me and he's lying and the only reason he is attracted to me is that he loves me not b/c I'm actually attractive

Honestly.....does that not sound a bit irrational to you? How can he win? He thinks you're attractive, but thats not good enough, you need him to admit that he only finds you attractive because he loves you, not because you're truly attractive? Ummm...... seriously?

Your standard of beauty is really high. What is your standard of beauty?

[pretzel]

Aside from not knowing who this is, what is it about her that is so beautiful.

Is it the fact that this is a picture (that is probably airbrushed) in which someone has had her makeup done, her hair done, and is wearing underwear that makes her any more beautiful than you are?

Guess what, you can do the same thing and have a professional picture taken and I'll bet you ten to one your husband would salivate over your picture more than he would this one.

[Ashlee T.]

Yeah, she's pretty....but I mean, is that it? You don't see someone as beautiful if they don't have plastic boobies and bleach blonde hair? She's airbrushed, all done up in gobs of makeup, has $5-8k sitting on her chest, and is posing in a picture where she's made to look even better than she normally does. I'm 5'4'', auburn hair, brown eyes, about 120-125, b cup.......and I know that there are guys out there who would choose me over a fake blond with fake boobs. Some would, some wouldn't. So why can't she be pretty, and you be pretty too?

You've said in previous posts that you're bi (slap me if I'm wrong hahah!), so is it possible that your attraction for certain types of women is much different than your husbands?

Now....lets see one of you. And no...not the one you already posted...one where we can see your face and your body. (Not nude please. HEHEHEHE). Come on......hit me with your best shot.

[Fallen1]

As Pretzel and BD said ........... airbrushed, someone to do makeup etc. etc.

Google search for images of her without the photography special effects and make up -

hmadison120108_04_X17.jpg Click for larger image.

Not near as pretty as the pictures I've seen you post of yourself.

[Ashlee T.]

I googled some of her too. I saw one of a timeline of her face and all the extensive plastic surgery she has had to make herself look like she looks today. So basically, Holly Madison doesn't even look like Holly Madison.