[Allie602]

I really can't believe that this is a true post. It has got to be a troll, no therapist with a HS diploma from Walmart would call this man a sex addict. I really don't get it. HE IS NORMAL. It's normal for men to look at porn (sorry ladies it is), it's normal for them to masturbate. It is normal for a man to desire to have sex with his wife. What planet are these people from? and I'm screwed up, but even I recognize a normal man when I read of him.

The councilor is a quack and should be sued. No compassionate councilor would allow this wife to think that it is OK for her not to have sex with her husband and to consider him a sex addict if he looks at porn and masturbates. Was this a christian councilor from a church???

Mr Wrong (you are actually Mr right you just don't know it yet) how is it possible for you to not masturbate and not have sex? Can you stop going to this marriage quack councilor and get some individual therapy for a time? I think you need someone who is concerned with your well being, if you are not all there how can you be there for your family? It's important for you to take care of yourself, don't abandon yourself.

Have you read any books on male sexuality, done any internet searches on male sexuality? There are even fundamental christian ones that are quite reasonable. While you are attempting to go on, what is in my humble opinion,is a fools journey, read up on male sexuality, marital sex and biblical teaching about marital sex. You are woefully ignorant and therefore you are not able to adequately counter your wife's, her mother and the quack councilor's arguments. What is your mother-in-law doing all in your business???? You got to get out of the house see people, take your hard earned money and go to a gym, talk to people. These people in your family will have you thinking you are the devils own spawn if you are not careful. You love your wife and family but can your love flourish if it is poorly understood? You have to work to make yourself understood and to have some acknowledgment of your mental health.

At lest you should know that you are normal, not a pig or sick or all of the other stupid cruel things you are being told. If you are real (it's hard for me to believe that a councilor could say those things and that a mature woman with several sex partners would expect a man not to masturbate. Things don't add up, if she wanted her genitals fixed before the wedding what was she planning on doing, making close-ups videos? She is not what she seems.

How much do you know about her past? Find out more details, this will give you more insight into what makes her think the way she does. Also Mr Wrong, people treat you they way you allow them to treat you. I am not saying you need to be mean but I think you are feeling very guilty about some things that happened earlier on and you think your should be punished. No, no, no. Just don't do it again but who is there without sin who can punish you? Have you done something so bad. Forgive yourself and move ahead. First read find out what is normal - then call a spade a spade. Someone has to be sane in your household might as well be you. BTW, if you should happen not to be able to refrain from masturbation don't feel bad you are just normal that's all. I am not making light of your situation I just can't believe something like this could just happen to a human that's all. Very upsetting.

Where are all the men on this forum - tell this man he is not sick!!!!!!

[rcoreyus]

Allie, there were some posts with another opinion earlier in the thread, but most of those posters seem to have wandered off. I agree with most of what you are saying. I also wondered if this was a troll, since the post seemed so far off to me - but for the sake of argument I'll assume it isn't. As far as I'm concerned I think it is perfectly normal for someone of either gender to :

1. It is normal to want to have sex with your SO regularly, anywhere from once a week to once a day is completely normal. (and nothing wrong with people who are above that)

2. If you are not getting as much sex as they want, to masturbate. Masturbation is ONLY a problem if it is being used INSTEAD of, or in preference to having sex with one's SO. As long as the frequency of masturbation is not affecting your sexual performance, then it is not a problem.

3. It is normal to use various sex aids in masturbation - vibrators and other sex toys, porn and fantasies. In a health sexual relationship, this will never be an issue because your SO will be happy to provide for your needs, and you for theirs.

4. It is not at all unusual for someone who is constantly denied sex by their SO to get it from someone else. Whether this is moral or not is open to discussion, but is should not be surprising.

Being made to promise to not masturbate is a TERRIBLE idea. How dare a therapist or wife "punish" someone in this way. If this post is real, find an attorney to work on custody of the kids and leave now.

[jns]

So, after the session I asked my wife what she concluded and clarified that I want to know what exactly, if anything, I can do to prove to her that I'm not the sick, detestable thing she treats me as since until I've succeeded in convincing her of that, there is no hope.

If she thinks you are sick and especially detestable, I consider that a deal breaker. I see no way she could see you as OK after thinking of you as detestable. I would quit this relationship. I am sure you will find a great new SO that will think you are a good person. I'm not sure she will find what she wants. It will cause pain to divorce, but I think not any more than there is now. You are young. You should be able to start over.

Unfortunately, it will be hard for the children. Try to stay in their lives.

[stressed]

I also find hard to believe the result and the therapist's comment, let alone the wife's suggestion.

Assuming it's true, then the only thing I can think of is that we only know 30% of the story and we miss quite a lot of key facts here. No therapist would give such an unfounded conclusion and no wife would have such a demand over no reason. Having two people with the same opinion about the OP makes me think that something is very wrong here. Hence, my view on this is that there is A LOT we don't know about this relationship.

Good like either way.

[Allie602]

I think there may be more to the story too or it is made up. But even if it is true all therapist know that masturbation is normal and serve important function in a man's life. A legitimate therapist would work with his wife to help her understand. I just cannot see a therapist agreeing with placing this man in a position that he will struggle to adhere to and may fail. Then how will he feel. That's why I can't believe the story, he is being set up for possible failure and that will effect his mental health.

[rcoreyus]

It does seem unlikely, but there may be really bad therapists out there (I don't know what certification is required and how many people cheat). After reading this discussion board, I can believe somewhere there is someone who will demand just about anything with or without reason.

Still i agree that this is most likely a troll, or we are missing a lot of the story.

I also find hard to believe the result and the therapist's comment, let alone the wife's suggestion.

Assuming it's true, then the only thing I can think of is that we only know 30% of the story and we miss quite a lot of key facts here. No therapist would give such an unfounded conclusion and no wife would have such a demand over no reason. Having two people with the same opinion about the OP makes me think that something is very wrong here. Hence, my view on this is that there is A LOT we don't know about this relationship.

Good like either way.

[WildChild]

The last time I was in therapy, my therapist and I had a discussion about how many poorly qualified therapists there are (this was an issue because the state was requiring an evaluation of my kids at their father's insistance). His opinion was that there were a lot. They are human and are often serching for their own answers to their own hang ups. Just as we had a neighbor who was a doctor that took some extra training in arthritis and starting diagnosing anything and everything as arthritis, therapists can get on their own little kicks. This isn't the first male poster we've had who has had a story like this. Sex or porn addiction is fashionable right now.

Personally, when I'm in what passes for a normal frame of mind, if I'm not getting sex several times a week (haven't had many segments of time with that in years) I masterbate daily, sometimes more than once. I certainly wouldn't consider myself "addicted", just have a healthy sex interest. I don't think I could go 1 week without masterbating, not unless I was getting what I consider a reasonable amount of sex.

[stressed]

When I think about this story I just can't understand it.

On the one hand you have someone who has operations, implants, etc. to look younger = sexier = she does think about sex, yet she doesn't seem interested in it. Just that, by itself, would show there is something wrong here.

On the other hand you have a husband who can be without sex for months, turns to porn, but when the wife makes a 3-month off masturbation request he accepts it, even if such a request caused him to make holes into walls in the past and threaten suicide.

I don't understand this.

[rcoreyus]

It is possible for someone to put effort into their appearance without wanting sex. They might be trying to attract someone into a relationship for reasons other than sex. They might be trying to boost their self image. (in either case I think its a bad idea).

The request that the husband not masturbate might be part of an abusive controlling behavior. You tell someone not to do something that while common and natural, is still shameful. They feel guilty when they break their promise (as they almost certainly will), which makes them more susceptible to control.

[stressed]

The thing is that she's always been clear about her views towards porn, so it's not like she suddenly changed after marriage. If she was sexual before the children and she's not anymore it can be explained due to stress. It's like when men get ED problems due to stress and women are supposed to be patient about it because "it happens to everyone". A few months without sex when there are two small children around must be understandable. Aggressive behaviour doesn't solve this problem, it makes it worse.

However, asking him not to masturbate can show that she has reached some kind of limit, what with what the therapist said. It's certainly wrong to constantly deny sex to your SO, but each case is different and some times it can be explained and both are to blame. Even though I could easily put all the blame on the wife in this case, there have been certain comments and examples that make me think that the OP is 50% to blame as well.