[Crystalblue]

It's not just you. Lol. I'm not gonna mess with him about it though. I'd have to look back in the thread, but I think it was CW that suggested it would be better to kind of trick him into not playing so much. He's grown and has to decide how to spend his time, but I'm not going to sit and wait for it to be my turn for his attention either. One battle at a time. Lol. I'm just happy we finally spent some time DOING something. I get tired of watching people on tv having a life and a good relationship.

[pretzel]

It's not just you. Lol. I'm not gonna mess with him about it though. I'd have to look back in the thread, but I think it was CW that suggested it would be better to kind of trick him into not playing so much. He's grown and has to decide how to spend his time, but I'm not going to sit and wait for it to be my turn for his attention either. One battle at a time. Lol. I'm just happy we finally spent some time DOING something. I get tired of watching people on tv having a life and a good relationship.

I most certainly agree with the last part, it is nice for you that you did do something fun for a change.

I do want to ask, if you don't mind, why don't you just tell him flat out "I'm sick and tired of you playing this stupid video games. It's either me or that, you're how old?, grow up and start having a relationship with me again. End of discussion, your call"

Here I disagree with CW (which doesn't happen often) and tricking him isn't the way I'd go about it.

[WildChild]

I'm glad you had a good day together.
But truth be told, taking him shopping for another game sounded more like a bday for an 8 year old. Its unfortunate but I have a feeling you just supplied another thing that will make you feel neglected later and since you took him shopping to pick it out - how are you going to justify that?

Maybe my age is showing but getting out to do something together, to bond, to me would be more along the lines of fixing a picnic and going hiking, taking a bike ride, fixing the bikes together, or going to see an interesting interactive museum exhibit. Get outside and wash, wax and detail your cars together, you can spray each other with the hose and be playful. Does your area have a Renaissance Fair during the summer? Create costumes and go. How about a Fairie Festival? At least you make a little start but find something besides sitting side by side, staring at a box with a controller in your hand.

[Crystalblue]

Lol. You guys are great! I felt a lot of my own frustrations in your responses. Pretzel, I'm not normally an ultimatum kind of person. I've given him some recently over the cheating issues, but I'm not fixing to end our marriage because of video games & I'm not willing to make hollow threats either. I'm watching closely for improvement. I don't expect him to change over night with all the things we need to work on, but I'm hoping in the near future we'll reach a steady balance. I've been clear about what my needs are though, so hopefully I'll see more progress & I'll keep pushing for it.

WC, all those things sound like the perfect date to me. Austin has all kinds of fairs and festivals through out the year. I love everything you listed. I have to twist my husband's arm to do them with me though. We went to the kite festival... March or April, I can't remember, but that was the first time in forever that he went willingly. I want to go together to do stuff like this, but I also want to do things he likes. The last talk we had about spending time together I cleared up some confusion he had about what I needed from him. I was initiating everything so of course I listed stuff we could do that I like, but right now, it's just about doing anything fun together. I'm completely ok with him picking the activity, so long as it's not watching tv again.

I see video games being a problem for awhile, but I'm hoping can find a compromise. Oh! He's signing us up for a softball league with his work! I'm really excited about this, so hopefully it works out. They're still trying to get enough players on board, but he is making an effort to plan out social, away from the tv fun. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

[WildChild]

Good! Getting out and playing a sport together sounds like a great plan!

Personally I think you need to kill your TV. I use mine to do my stretch program and watch an occasional movie. I and my daughter have noticed that when my son goes into a gaming phase, he gets moody, snappish, and rude. I'll allow a couple days and they I lower the boom. We have one TV and it is in the living room, so there is no hiding with the darn thing.

[pretzel]

I'm generally not an ultimatum type person either, but you have just as much invested in this marriage as he does, you have just as much to gain or lose so I think there are times where it's appropriate, this being one of them. Even if it's just intended for him to wake up and smell the roses, what's wrong with that? I just think directly or indirectly, the results of his gaming habits have left you with alot of insecurities and he has done some things through the interaction with others who play as well that have left a sour taste.

I just happen to feel that if it's worth it more to you then it's worth saying.

[Crystalblue]

Y'all are probably right and I agree it should, at the very least, be limited more, but at the same time, we're going through a stressful situation & I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking everything about him. I don't want him to feel like no matter how hard he tries, it's not going to be enough. He really is making some improvements lately, it just hasn't been long enough for me to tell if it's progress or just a temporary fix. The last thing I want is to settle down into the old routine, but I'm thinking continuous compromises will have a healthier effect than me losing it over too much tv time.

I'll have to set up a time each week for me to sit and think over how we're doing, look back & ask myself if we're still moving forward or if I need to push for something more. I feel ten times better after the day we had together yesterday & it has stuck with me, so I feel more confident that this is what we needed. Actually, I'll go ahead and do this today. It'll be a review time for me and I can use the rest of the week to work on how to make improvements.

I'm not letting the video gaming go, but I don'want to push too hard, too fast. I'm just looking for progress.

[pretzel]

Y'all are probably right and I agree it should, at the very least, be limited more, but at the same time, we're going through a stressful situation & I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking everything about him. I don't want him to feel like no matter how hard he tries, it's not going to be enough. He really is making some improvements lately, it just hasn't been long enough for me to tell if it's progress or just a temporary fix. The last thing I want is to settle down into the old routine, but I'm thinking continuous compromises will have a healthier effect than me losing it over too much tv time.

I'll have to set up a time each week for me to sit and think over how we're doing, look back & ask myself if we're still moving forward or if I need to push for something more. I feel ten times better after the day we had together yesterday & it has stuck with me, so I feel more confident that this is what we needed. Actually, I'll go ahead and do this today. It'll be a review time for me and I can use the rest of the week to work on how to make improvements.

I'm not letting the video gaming go, but I don'want to push too hard, too fast. I'm just looking for progress.

That sounds like a good idea.

I think I need to do something similar myself.

Thanks for the idea CB.

[Crystalblue]

You can thank caterpillar, too. Lol. That book she recommended me has helped a lot. (emotional infidelity: how to affair proof your marriage) I'm working through the book by myself, so I'm having to add a bit of creativity to the steps, but the concepts the same. Make a game plan, think it over, talk about it, try it, decide if it's working and where it's lacking, and edit as needed. (that's my abridged version)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well I didn't exactly say trick his mind But, I did say simularily to sofly push him into other directions that are "good" for both of you that he can be addicted to softball sounds good What else is there?

I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking everything about him. I don't want him to feel like no matter how hard he tries, it's not going to be enough. He really is making some improvements lately, it just hasn't been long enough for me to tell if it's progress or just a temporary fix.

Temporary... This is going to be an on-going thing for you, until he's pushed into all other directions that he loves that style of life more so, then it's fixed..... x

You're a great wife seriously, the effort and more so the understanding of how all of this works, not with anger, or ultimatives but with reverse physcology and attention ..