[jns]

"Everything in moderation", amen to that. Take the middle path.

[WildChild]

Check out the site Your Brain On Porn, it really applies to more than porn, a lot of it is about how the brain works and responds to certain types of stimulus. In many ways this mental attraction is worse than a drug addiction as the drugs will eventually leave the system, the memory of images will not.

[Crystalblue]

Wow! Took me most of the day to digest all that! So... Final fantasy's servers were shut down earlier this month because of the energy shortage in Japan. He didn't play for a couple of weeks & said the break was nice. That was when I asked him if he would take a break for the rest of the month & he said he would, they weren't charging for April anyway. Now what? I don't wanna tell him he can't play at all because the last thing I want is to start treating him like a kid. I'm not freaking out about him playing at the end of the month, just a bit more concerned. It bothered me that he was playing so much, but didn't see the game as the problem. He's a grown man & has to decide how to spend his time. I'll do my part to tell him, and show him, that I want & need time from him, but beyond that it seems like this is something he would have to decide whether to moderate or not. I will make it a point to talk to him about flirting online though. If it's so easy for him to lose focus of where to draw the line, I need to make sure he's aware of what kind of game he's playing & knows the consequences. I haven't told him about me joining the forum because I view it the same as a private journal where I don't have to carefully choose my wording. Do y'all think it would help to let him read everything posted?
The online gaming addiction direction made me think of something my friend said when I first told her what was going on. She said to tell him that if he didn't act right, I would be his final fantasy. I'm really glad I joined the forum. Getting all this helpful advice is allowing me to look at different areas of our relationship with a new train of thought. Really appreciate it & want everyone to know how much it means to me.

[Crystalblue]

Wanted to add that the flirting texts didn't not work, but no new "character" from him. I'm sporting a new hickie though

[spurzzz]

"She said to tell him that if he didn't act right, I would be his final fantasy"

Hahaha love it! Make sure he knows it!

If your worried his behaviour is on the addictive side then by all means help him out by passing on some useful information about addictive behaviour and gaming obsession, it will change his life as it did mine. So many people are unaware, which is exactly how the gaming industry wants it to stay! It can very well be like an illness which takes time to get out of the system, so rather then be harsh at first try to be understanding and supportive...........and then if no change you can take a different approach.

Also remember that playing games in moderation for any adults is I feel a good thing. It shows they can have fun and keep their imagination healthy and diverse. Albert Einstein quotes: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

[Crystalblue]

I want to talk this out with my husband before he starts up playing again. I've got a few days, so there's a little time to plan it out delicately. I wanna be clear to him that I don't see anything wrong with him playing, but if it's turning into a tool where he gets all his socializing, then I see a problem with that. When I first caught him using skype with his on game friend, I told him, if it's a game, let it be just a game, but if he's using it for more I couldn't put up with that. I couldn't really relate to most of the posts on the addicted to wow thread, but spruzzz post made since to me. He's been playing for years & has most of the jobs leveled to the max. When his linkshell plans stuff, they want him there & I could see how it would make him feel good to be looked up to & respected on the game. Seems like my best move would be to let him know when he should feel like that about stuff in real life. He's accomplished a lot considering his background. I just don't want him to think he has to play a pretend game to feel like that.
He does have an addictive personality. That's how I met him, in a recovery program. I'm not an addict, but I got busted being a dumb kid in high school & the court system sent me to meetings. I was jumping through hoops, but he was there by choice.
That doesn't really tie in with his friend he was texting with though. He says that started first & she
doesn't play ff. I'm never gonna know what pushed him to take that step away from me, all I can do is
try to close the gap. Think I need to slow down on analyzing everything & focus more on that.

[Crystalblue]

Sorry, it double posted

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Actually I was just going to say "don't over analyze things, first thing that came to my mind as I was reading then I got to the end where you said you were going to analyze

The way I see it is this.

You have remembered that he does have an addictive personality... You have confirmed that he has been addicted to "the computer" yes ff is a game on line, but there are other things he has been viewing on the computer, all over the place, and the friend possibly came from facebook, a flirtation went on and so then the text messages...It is the computer.

Point that out gently to him and google addicted to Wow, read other stories, and then show him...Let him see how much it has affected so many lives, relationships, finances as the computer becomes his best friend not you, and he doesn't even want to go to work or he'll miss something, point out how you met and ask him to consider it all and talk again about it the next day....

[Crystalblue]

My connection is acting funny tonight, plus I worded that last part weird. Was trying to say I need to slow down on analyzing everything & focus more on closing the gap between us. I'm just confusing myself trying to put to many pieces together & the tennis match in my head is already bad enough.
The friend he was texting is someone he's known since high school. They didn't meet online, but I understand that it's more about his online use we were talking about here. It's something I need to be aware of, but I'll get into factors later & put the breaks on a little before my head explodes. Lol.
Been taking our talks slow today. We talked more about spending time together & I said I'd much rather watch tv or movies with him than watching him play video games, but that I was looking for something that would envolve a little more interaction between us. We can laugh together & get into what's on the boob tube, but we can't really talk & have fun together doing that. He got it. We're gonna get some new shoes & a new ball & start up basketball again. We played regularly for a couple of years till I got pregnant with our 2nd son. Beat him at 21 when I was 4 months pregnant & said I couldn't play anymore in my condition. Sore loser! We hadn't gotten back into it, but think nows a good time.
Talked a little about him playing ff & he said he knows people ongame that are all about there rank, but he knows it's just a game. I'm more worried about the social part of him being online, but I feel like I said what I needed to. Time will tell. I'll just try to keep a level head for now.

[Crystalblue]

Really wanted to check his accounts today! I actually feel mad at him about how my imagination's running away. I've never had trust issues before, but I can see why it's so important. Made it through without going through all his accounts, but can't promise that'll work tomorrow. Lol. I've been kicking around the idea of having an online free day or two. No video games & no Internet use on the phones, myself included, & just see if we can have a low tech day. Would probably work out better if we just went camping, but we'd have to hold off on a trip right now. I'd have to work out the rules for the day & make sure it wasn't too strict, but he's not very quick to tell me no right now, so feel like I should set this up soon before he starts feeling less compliant. Anyone ever done something like this, or have any ideas about what the rules should be?