[effy2014]

Yes, Something it is very sexy. But after 10-20 yrs, if you're a person who gets bored generally, in other ways, sex and the day to day mundane life can become boring and more efforts must be made to keep it fresh & exciting.

Nothing wrong with that, it's just different people with different needs. I don't know if that need to keep things fresh, not being met, increases the likelihood that a person would look outside their relationship or not, but it seems to me that it would.
Generally, I think cheating is less about sex than we make it to be.

I think you are absolutely right that cheating is less about sex than it is about more important relationship issues. In my view, its about feeling unappreciated, being unable to trust your partner and/or that your needs in the relationship are unimportant. Intimacy requires closeness which is strained when the relationship is rocky. When you meet someone who appreciates and values you as a person more than your husband, cheating becomes a possibility.

[Stillness]

Humans are wired to please themselves.

I think you have a negative view of us. Maybe it's been influenced by failed relationships? We have a tendency to project our own experiences and thoughts onto others. For example I sad that desire should increase. You said you agree with me, but changed it to "desire to please." That's not what I said.

What I'm talking about is someone in Baboy's situation. According to him, he's been at it for over a decade and if there's been any change it's more exciting. It's similar for me. It's been almost a decade and a half and my heart still skips when my wife walks into a room. Her smile makes me melt.

The trust, closeness, knowledge of the other person should be increasing. The couple should be more comfortable together. That deepens desire and pleasure. A new couple can't have those things to the same degree as an experienced one. If things are stale in a long term relationship, then something is wrong. That's not the way it should be or has to be. The two should be growing together.

one of my favorite groups

Mine too. In hip hop, you can drop the "one of." They're the best, in my opinion.

[Aqemini1977]

I think you have a negative view of us.

I don't necessarily have a "negative" view of us. I am just looking at the behavior of humans as it relates to monogamous vs non-monogamous relationships. Based strictly on infidelity rates among humans (in the US), we are more than likely (over 50% of the time) to choose to be non-monogamous for a plethora of reasons. Almost all of these reasons are self-centered. That is what I think about humans in general, we are self-centered.

[Aqemini1977]

What I'm talking about is someone in Baboy's situation. According to him, he's been at it for over a decade and if there's been any change it's more exciting. It's similar for me. It's been almost a decade and a half and my heart still skips when my wife walks into a room. Her smile makes me melt.

So if i am interpreting this correctly. You (and Baboy) are saying you are more sexually aroused and you have more carnal desire now than you did during your first handful of intimate encounters with your significant other. This is truly remarkable since it goes against all scientific logic and conventional wisdom. You 2 are have been able to create that "newness" and "exhilaration" over a 10 - 15 year period. Kudos! To be clear, I am not talking about heart skipping beats when someone walks in a room, melting when someone smiles at you, or having trust/bond....I am just talking about the act of sexual arousal and carnal desire.

[Baboy]

Yes Aqemini, you are interpreting correctly. I can honestly say the desire is greater now than it was then. Yes, then it was exciting and new. But now it's exciting for all the time that has gone into perfecting the art. That probably does not quite express it, since what I am talking about (and perhaps Stillness too) does not lend itself well to description via the printed word. In the vernacular, I am more horny now for my mate than I was at the start.

In the early days of our lovemaking, I would admire her beautiful naked body and wonder if the experience of it was going to match the physical image, and the mental image of what was to come. Sometimes it did, sometimes not. We did not know each other well enough in the early days to achieve perfection each time. We were both finding our way, with ourselves, and each other. That's why now the anticipation is all the more. I have no doubt how good it will be.

[Baboy]

Let me add to my comments above that my present relationship is the only relationship where the fire of carnal desire has continued to burn brightly.

I have been in a few relationships that lasted for periods measured in years and the experience has differed, with some variations. In one, the desire was short-lived indeed and I can relate to those many threads on this forum where the OP laments their partner's flagging desire. You know the ones, usually titled something like "Help, my bf does not want to have sex with me anymore." For me, when that desire has departed, it has stayed gone. Not sure any amount of counseling, pep talking, hormone pill popping or anything else would have revived it. I have also had the experience of the sex perhaps diminishing in frequency and the desire toning down a might, but not becoming extinct. I have seen some in between.

Where I am now is the one and only relationship to have attained the high water mark to which I am referring. It is probably sufficiently rare as to defy the "conventional wisdom" to which Aqemini has referred. I count myself very fortunate indeed to have found such a thing.

[jen1447]

Wow, really good contributions atskitty and baboy. You know what though, I do feel like my GF and I love eachother more every day. My desire to propose to her increases more and more every day. Originally, I wanted to wait for her to get her Masters Degree as I think it is super important and I do not want the prospect of marriage to be a distraction...

I am getting impatient and I am seriously considering just proposing this summer. But part of my desire to propose may be feuled by the fact that I finally came up with what I think is a great way to pop the question!

Whatever you do, keep your cool. I can't speak for your GF specifically but sometimes overzealousness can weird a girl out. (On the other hand, she might find a pre-proposal irresistibly romantic, but even if she does, she'll want you to be doing it from a place of self-control. No one wants to get the feeling that the guy at the helm of their future might be a bit of a crackpot. )

[Stillness]

You...are saying you are more sexually aroused and you have more carnal desire now than you did during your first handful of intimate encounters with your significant other.

Yes. My long-term sexual partner before her too.

The first times were awkward. I didn't know her as well. I wasn't as comfortable. I wasn't in love.

Conventional wisdom, like common knowledge is often worthless. I'd like to know what science you're referring to.

[Something_Awesome]

Whatever you do, keep your cool. I can't speak for your GF specifically but sometimes overzealousness can weird a girl out. (On the other hand, she might find a pre-proposal irresistibly romantic, but even if she does, she'll want you to be doing it from a place of self-control. No one wants to get the feeling that the guy at the helm of their future might be a bit of a crackpot. )

Well, we've discussed marriage. I know a woman's time is very important so I don't want her to wonder if she is wasting her time with me. I've been explicit with what my intentions are and she has a right to know. It's different for a guy who may be looking to get married as he gets older than it is for a girl. I get that. I don't want her to think I am one of those guys that is comfortable with where the relationship is at.

Plus, I am confident she will love what I have in store (for a proposal)... Maybe I will post about it later to get some feedback.

[DreamP346]

Hi Folks. Just getting back from a week long work trip. Noticed this thread has some great discussions going, so wanted to chime in.

So if i am interpreting this correctly. You (and Baboy) are saying you are more sexually aroused and you have more carnal desire now than you did during your first handful of intimate encounters with your significant other. This is truly remarkable since it goes against all scientific logic and conventional wisdom.

Although from a biological standpoint, the body has responses unique at the beginning of a relationship (more of the "rip your clothes of right now"), long term relationships have a different biological response that can be just as intense and exciting. If we want to look at statistics, women are more likely to orgasm from long-term relationships than those first sexual encounters. So for women, new doesn't necessarily mean better sex.

So why do women cheat. Probably for the same reasons men cheat. Boredom, because they can, selfishness, but I could venture to guess that a large number is due to dissatisfaction with their current relationship. This article is not a scientific study, but an interesting read. I can say I sympathize with these women and can relate. It's not just about the sex, it's about the lack of companionship, the lack of passion, feeling being taken for granted and just plain unhappiness.

Although I am talking an N of one here (of maybe 3 since babay and stillness said the same), my desires for my husband did not get stale with time. It only intensified and grew. So did my sexual appetite which was directly related to my desires for my husband. Although sex with the same person may get stale for some, there are plenty (and I would venture to say most) of people whose's desires for the partners increase over time.