[stressed]

Steph.... don't feel shallow. I know alot of people say penis size doesn't matter....and to some that's the honest truth, but for others it's not. When you've fallen in love with someone, THEN find out about the smallness, that's one situation. When you find out about the smallness BEFORE falling in love, and that smallness limits the sexual pleasure you're used to, that's a whole different situation.

People may call you shallow. They may even tell you that "if you love this person it shouldn't matter", but it's not fair to say that to someone who is 4 mths into a relationship. At 4 mths, most the time it's safe to say you're not in love...you're just getting to know the person etc. And maybe you love the things you have learned of him so far...and this one thing is a disappointment. I don't think that's shallow. Some guys like big breasts and are not attracted at all to women with small ones, or vice versa. The difference is, that upon meeting the woman a guy can see if they're big or small. Then he can make his decision before even asking the girl out. Where penises are concerned, we're not that lucky.

Is love more important than size? Absolutely, without a doubt. But in the early part of the relationship when you're seeing the "pros and cons" of that person and deciding whether or not they're long term material or not.... size most certainly matters if it affects your sexual pleasure. Ignoring something important to you in the early stages of a relationship, is what I'd call settling just so you have someone to be with.

Try the toy idea, try incorporating some new ideas into sex. If you really care about this guy and see a possible future with him, then work at it. If you think you can't get past it, find a way to respectfully get out. He can't do anything about the size of his penis, obviously. But you can't do anything about your feelings either.

I agree with BD.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Steph.... don't feel shallow. I know alot of people say penis size doesn't matter....and to some that's the honest truth, but for others it's not. When you've fallen in love with someone, THEN find out about the smallness, that's one situation. When you find out about the smallness BEFORE falling in love, and that smallness limits the sexual pleasure you're used to, that's a whole different situation.

True, love, has no boundries, limitations and the feeling you have "in love" makes you want more and can desire and feel it all, your body adjusts.

Does that mean no sex for several weeks, months therefore? That's a tall order.

CW

[Greydog72]

Steph,

They do have extenders...dildos that attach to the male part...can add 2 or 3 inches...maybe more. Don't use them, but would if my other wished it.

I'm holding back my real feelings right now with all that is said on this thread.

If he is around the same age as you, not saying your old, he already knows that he has a small part. My suggestions would be to sit in front of each other naked and talk with him. Place his junk in your hand and softly play with it...while you are playing, start to talk to him about your concerns. Let him know the things you love about him FIRST. Don't stop playing with it. After you talk about the things you love about him...personality and make sure there is some stuff that he does good sexually. Tell him your concern and ideas....careful though.

If my other decided to tell me that she wanted bigger...that's how I would like to receive that message. If he isn't happy with that situaton and gets upset...at least you presented at the most appropriate time. If there is an appropriate time to tell a man that is stuff is too small.

[WildChild]

Hi Greydog, you should drop in more often. My question would be is it even a good idea to do this or say it? We have posters talking about how they think they are too tight to take a penis - some of them may find this guy just right. I would think it's more a not compatible issue? I've had both extremes without a problem but do understand that there are women who would be able to handle either. It's not really a problem with either so much as compatibility?

[Greydog72]

Hi Greydog, you should drop in more often. My question would be is it even a good idea to do this or say it? We have posters talking about how they think they are too tight to take a penis - some of them may find this guy just right. I would think it's more a not compatible issue? I've had both extremes without a problem but do understand that there are women who would be able to handle either. It's not really a problem with either so much as compatibility?

I understand what you are asking. It depends on her man and how he is. He has had to walk around with this problem. showers, pointing, women speaking about him to other women. This is not new to him. If he could change the problem, he would do it without a thought. He can't, and now he is a relationship that HE THINKS is more than sex. He enjoys sex, most likely. It's her now....She has to find a enjoyable place with him. He can't change and most men with smaller penis's will do anything to satisfy their partner. If she doesn't and continue on with the relationship...She will wonder, someday, to find what she is wanting. Either give him a chance or let him go.

This has probably be one of the hardest post for me to write....

[Hopeless Dork]

You are a man greydog, so I think your word carries more salt than mine... since I don't have a penis or have any idea how it would feel to have a small one with all the hype about bigger is better and blah blah blah...

But... the idea of talking about the size of a mans penis in a negetive way while he is naked with it in her hand... a very vulnerable position i'd imagine... seems like it would be imasculating to a degree, sort of humliating... like okay... here is exhibit A, your penis... its too small... see the way it doesn't even go acrss my palm?

I'm not saying you are suggesting she be that harsh... I just can't imagine how horrible that would feel. If a guy wanted to tell me my boobs were too small, and chose to do it while he was holding them in his hands , me topless... I think I would feel MORTIFIED.

[Mes T]

Hmmm I agree with HD on this one. But then again we're speaking from a woman's perspective...

I think there's gotta be a way to talk about this without mentioning SIZE. What if she were to approach it from an "I" angle, like "I've had a bit of an issue all my life with my vagina not being very tight." Alright so that's essentially a lie, but maybe something like that would make it easier for the guy... And then he could adjust his techniques accordingly.

So often men worry about their size, and so often we say that NO it doesn't matter, but then in this guy's case it actually DOES matter to the woman... I just can't imagine any way to say this directly without causing him damage, even though he's probably already aware of this.

[Guest]

So often men worry about their size, and so often we say that NO it doesn't matter

What many times occurs is the guy isn't actually wondering if it 'matters' as in is it 'important', but he is actually wondering is if 'bigger than what he has is better' to her. More specifically wondering if it is at all better to her and if so then how much more so is it better. Is bigger mildly better to her? Is it moderately better to her? Is it much better to her? The word 'matters' seems to imply it either makes a difference or it doesn't. But as often is the case in many subjects there is also an inbetween answer.

[Hopeless Dork]

Its just odd. We all know some women are tighter than others, some kegal it up and crack walnuts inside where other are a bit more lax... but yet and still its never even occured to me to wonder if my boyfriend has been with a tighter girl, if he wish I were tighter, how tight was his last gf etc.

Men should not worry about previous lovers but If men were going to worry about previous lovers they should wonder if the guy before them said sweeter things, made the girl feel more beautiful, made her smile and laugh more often, was tuned into her body and found ways to touch her that made her feel good... those are the things that matter.

Instead they wander around focusing on the least significant detail of their penis size and not the other stuff. Big is pretty, big is nice, big can feel really good... big is worthless attached to an inconsiderate lover..

[Greydog72]

But... the idea of talking about the size of a mans penis in a negetive way while he is naked with it in her hand... a very vulnerable position i'd imagine... seems like it would be imasculating to a degree, sort of humliating... like okay... here is exhibit A, your penis... its too small... see the way it doesn't even go acrss my palm?

I'm not saying you are suggesting she be that harsh... I just can't imagine how horrible that would feel. If a guy wanted to tell me my boobs were too small, and chose to do it while he was holding them in his hands , me topless... I think I would feel MORTIFIED.

I never said to say...man, I know your penis is small, BUT...if you would notice the words...careful thought. It's a touchy subject and that's why I'm holding back, because even men with normal to large penis's question their size. He knows he has a small penis, what he wants is acceptance from the women he is making love with.

I get tired of hearing that size doesn't matter....but my lover is larger, but I have had smaller men and they are great, but that isn't the reason I'm not with them. If you have a normal to larger man, I don't think you have the right to say size doesn't matter, any more. Just because I went to Canada once doesn't mean I'm Canadian or understand them. Sorry if I'm offending some of you...If you noticed in the earlier post...I was holding my tongue. Steph, to me, sounds like she want to be fully penetrated with a penis that fills her and have her man in control of her...my opinion....He doesn't have the equipment to do that, that's why suggested penis extenders. But she also has to explain to him what she wants...She just can't say, "here, put this on". He needs to know that you want your walls scratched, lack of a better term.

The women that I have notice that size doesn't matter are the women who can only have a clitorus orgasm or have a shallow g-spot. Because they know their body and now that penetration will not active the Big O alone. I could get into some statistics about spousal abuse and sexual statisfaction, but something is telling me to let it go. If I upset anyone, please forgive me. Just tired of hearing that size doesn't matter.

Steph, Hope the best for you and your BF. There are some penal exercises that may help a little....If you both get past this subject, you and he may look PE Gym or PE exercises and do them together.

Dog