[inlovagin]

Hello inlovagin-

In some cultures and religions women do not have the right to say no because men and women are not considered equal. If a women has to have sex against her will....like it or not it is what it is.

This is the second time one of your posts to me has read as a personal attack. I gave my opinion. That is what this forum is for. You can have a difference of opinion without attacking mine. Always show respect and agree to disagee and move on. I am not your "honey". It is not my concern if you care about how I feel or where society needs your energy. I sumit if you don't want to give me your energy then don't waste it on negative post such as this one. Don't you dare judge me or call me selfish. You know NOTHING about me! You would be hard pressed to find anyone on this site or in my personal life that would describe me as "selfish". I will not tolerate this from you or anyone else. Consider this my last notice to you. I will not participate in bickering. Because I don't even get down like that.

I am sorry I tryed to edit my post after I read it but I lost my internet connection. I was not talking to you I was speeking in general. I was also stating my opinion I have no reason to attack you. I dont know you. When saying "Honey" I was talking outside of myself as a statement that someone would say to there husband. My bad. I like reading what you say. You do your thing. Sorry again I will proof read better before posting. There are a lot of people that feel the same way you do about this topic. I am cant say that you are wrong, who am I to judge you. I am a no one in your book.

[inquisitive1]

I am sorry I tryed to edit my post after I read it but I lost my internet connection. I was not talking to you I was speeking in general. I was also stating my opinion I have no reason to attack you. I dont know you. When saying "Honey" I was talking outside of myself as a statement that someone would say to there husband. My bad. I like reading what you say. You do your thing. Sorry again I will proof read better before posting. There are a lot of people that feel the same way you do about this topic. I am cant say that you are wrong, who am I to judge you. I am a no one in your book.

Hello inlovagin-

I accept your apology. I am a reasonable person. I am not a selfish person.

Might I just caution that one should always be mindful of tolerance and respect of anothers opinion and/or culture. I may not always agree with housewife or anyone else for that matter but, I always do try to respect her opinions as valid viewpoints.

With that being said....I took a chance at reading your last post to me. I am glad I did. I was going to add you to my ignore list. That would have been a first for me. The point is I would have never seen your apology to me. I trust we will not have any further issues of this nature. With regards to that I am willing to positively move forward with you. Take Care.

[inlovagin]

Hello inlovagin-

I accept your apology. I am a reasonable person. I am not a selfish person.

Might I just caution that one should always be mindful of tolerance and respect of anothers opinion and/or culture. I may not always agree with housewife or anyone else for that matter but, I always do try to respect her opinions as valid viewpoints.

With that being said....I took a chance at reading your last post to me. I am glad I did. I was going to add you to my ignore list. That would have been a first for me. The point is I would have never seen your apology to me. I trust we will not have any further issues of this nature. With regards to that I am willing to positively move forward with you. Take Care.

By the way, I never disagreed with anything you posted on that first post. Actually I agree with everything you said so we actually share your opinion. I was only wondering where it was coming from.

To me the thought of being forced to submit (negative) to your spouse and wanting to submit (positive) to your spouse are like apples and oranges.

[housewife]

I tried to said "No"

the title is "I tried to say "No""


inlovagin and inquisitive1
I am glad you discussion ended peacefully.

inlovagin , you represented my opinion clearly, I do that out of love, I have never been raped or forced to do any thing against my will.

yesterday, I thought I should try to say NO for the first, time in my life and see what will happen ,even deep inside I wanted otherwise :

He was shocked, and thought I was joking and trying to resist him in order to turn him on...but I again I said No,

he had this expression in his face that he couldn't believe it, or what is wrong.. are you alright or sick or what? you got you period ?

I felt so sorry for him that I let him wondering like that, so I started to laugh and changed my mind.

[WH Admin]

"inlovagin" and "inquisitive1" - Bravo! You handeled you disagreement very well. Thanks for not letting it get ugly!

[babyface]

why no

I would only say no because my husband gets mad if I do it just for him when I would rather not. Because it isn't supposed to be sex for him but sex for us and if he doesn't have expressing his love for me as the motive then it isn't making love at all and if he knows I would rather not it wouldn't be very loving to pressure me into it. He would never ask if I was sick or really tired because he wants to make me happy. But as long as he doesn't find out I didn't want to, I do it anyways because he does lots of things he doesn't want to do for me.
I realize our circumstances are probably different since intercourse is not pleasurable to me...I could fall alsleep during and actually it usually makes me really sleepy. So obviously having sex in my heart would be because I want to express my love for him even though physically we are on very different levels. Most of the time I"m doing it for him when I don't want to because it is hard for me to be reminded everytime of what I thought sex would be like when I got married as a virgin. What I imagined compared to the reality is pretty hard to accept...and it depresses me very much.
So what I'm saying is that your husband disapproving is a very good reason to say no even though I do mostly disreguard it. But also I guess my giving in over and over to something that I would rather skip because it makes me sad may eventually lead to a very big resentment in my heart and I know he would not want that. But I can't convince myself that that's a good enough reason because then we would never do it and I guess being married I do feel somewhat obliged even though I try really hard to replace that feeling with the I love him feeling.

[C]

I would only say no because my husband gets mad if I do it just for him when I would rather not. Because it isn't supposed to be sex for him but sex for us and if he doesn't have expressing his love for me as the motive then it isn't making love at all and if he knows I would rather not it wouldn't be very loving to pressure me into it. He would never ask if I was sick or really tired because he wants to make me happy. But as long as he doesn't find out I didn't want to, I do it anyways because he does lots of things he doesn't want to do for me.
I realize our circumstances are probably different since intercourse is not pleasurable to me...I could fall alsleep during and actually it usually makes me really sleepy. So obviously having sex in my heart would be because I want to express my love for him even though physically we are on very different levels. Most of the time I"m doing it for him when I don't want to because it is hard for me to be reminded everytime of what I thought sex would be like when I got married as a virgin. What I imagined compared to the reality is pretty hard to accept...and it depresses me very much.
So what I'm saying is that your husband disapproving is a very good reason to say no even though I do mostly disreguard it. But also I guess my giving in over and over to something that I would rather skip because it makes me sad may eventually lead to a very big resentment in my heart and I know he would not want that. But I can't convince myself that that's a good enough reason because then we would never do it and I guess being married I do feel somewhat obliged even though I try really hard to replace that feeling with the I love him feeling.

I was a virgin when I got married too. Felt the same way you did after I got married. The first night I wished I was back in the parked car. It took a while for me to find that hot inner woman that I was. I have been finding her all these years and she has grown as I have grown. In May of 2005 in Orlando really found her on the 12th floor of the Contemporary Hotel. Since then, she is a cat on a hot tin roof. You are too but you just may be like so many other women are, hiding the best part of yourself.......

[Mourningman]

It must have been the subconcious mind working.All them monorails going in and out of the hotel, red,blue,green,copper,black,orange etc. Meow!!

[inquisitive1]

Hello Everyone-

Thank you for the acknowledgements of a peaceful resolve between inlovagin and myself. I believe inlovagin was successful in editing the original post before I responded and quoted it, as I believe neither existing post reads the same as the original post I read. I am pleased that inlovagin changed it, gave clarity to the issue, and apologized.

To housewife I never said you were raped. I did say ..."to be forced into a sexual act against one's will constitutes rape in my opinion...". I will give you an example: As a very young child I used to sit at the feet of my great grandparents and that generation. Sometimes they would tell stories of slavery and the KKK. Some stories were personal experiences from their youth and so on. Some were handed down stories. Some of these women were property and not allowed to say no. Or even after slavery they were not considered 100% human and therefore not considered capable of being raped. They could not report or get justice for sexual acts against them. Whether it be from Master, the KKK or any other man for that matter. Saying no wasn't even an option. If saying no wasn't even an option, this was not consensual sex. Because there is no freedom to say no. Housewife your situation isn't even in the same ball park with my ancestor's. It can not even begin to be compared to slavery. I am not even attempting to state anything of the sort. I used that example to emphasize freedom of choice with one's body. However, as I stated before whatever the circumstances may be, in some cultures and religions women do not have the right to say no. If a women does not have the freedom to say no. Then I submit she is not truly free to choose. No Choice = No Freedom = She Has No Choice. It is what it is. It's like holding an election in a country were this is only one candidate on the ballot to vote for and there is never a second candidate to choose from. Why vote? There is no choice. Without choices the results are going to be the same. I read a post that stated "... he is the boss...". I can't find it now or perhaps it's changed or deleted. However, those are strong words that may imply a lack of choice for that woman.

[C]

If a woman does not love a man even though she is married to him, I believe she should never have to perform sexually for him. It has to be a joint venture or else the sex is a chore for her. To let a man invade this part of her body that is so sacred and special without her feeling the want of his pleasures is not what sex is about. Sex is about happiness. Two people in heat making the heat hotter. Wanting to make two people one and join in this sacred hot union of belonging to each other. To have the feeling of not knowing where he starts and you begin. To feel the surge of love that he sends through you with your swell of passion with his ejaculation. To make him find parts of you that are so sexually alive that you never knew that you had before. Without the love in your heart that allows you to be able to allow him to do this sexual touching, it would be pure torture and an invasion of your soul.....I understand these are just my thougths...