[a_dub]

Also interesting that you mentioned "fairness". Inititally I agreed, but then realized, life was not meant to be fair. At least not to everyone. If it did, poverty and starving children wouldn't exist. There is little fair about love and life. People cheat, get cheated on, women ignore nice guys to be pushed around by a douchebag and men reject great girls to be with a gold-digger. It was certainly "unfair" from my perspective when I got shot down by women I loved, but obviously they were happy with someone else and it was only "fair" to them. Same has happened to me, I've evaded several girls who've shown interest in the past. Its like an ad infinitum game of cat and mouse.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh no's 45 and still single, no woman will want you why? Because they have already been married, or shot down themselves that many times, that they would question a guy on his own all that time, imagine the baggage he has? No understanding of what constitues a relationship, always been single, probably a player and will cheat

You are 29... At the ripe age that women are looking at settling down.. I don't think you want that yet huh?

Marriage, kids, Mortgages..

What are your dreams, aspirations in life?

[a_dub]

Oh no's 45 and still single, no woman will want you why? Because they have already been married, or shot down themselves that many times, that they would question a guy on his own all that time, imagine the baggage he has? No understanding of what constitues a relationship, always been single, probably a player and will cheat

If I was a player, I'd have no problems, ha! Besides, I've heard a lot of women find older men attractive, that and hopefully I'll have a decent bank balance by then. Worst case scenario I can just pretend I've been in a relationship before. How hard can that be?

You are 29... At the ripe age that women are looking at settling down.. I don't think you want that yet huh?

Marriage, kids, Mortgages..

No, no. I do want that. I'm a very traditional kind of person. I just want it on my terms or not at all. Whats the point of having all that to be unhappy? I'd rather be on my own and hope to one day find someone than settle and have that hope dashed into a million tiny pieces.

What are your dreams, aspirations in life?

Scarface said it quite well, money, power, and then the woman...in that precise order. Actually women are the first priority, but you need the other two first.

[stariana]

I just want it on my terms or not at all. Whats the point of having all that to be unhappy?

it appears that you have already made up your mind . . . you will be unhappy. how can you expect someone in a relationship to only be in the relationship under "your" terms? what about their terms? that is what a relationship is, 50/50. unless you change your view on what constitutes a relationship, don't bother looking for one. you don't want a woman, you want a doormat.

money, power, and then the woman...in that precise order. Actually women are the first priority, but you need the other two first.

you "need" the other two first? really??? this statement struck me as very, very sad. there are plenty of woman who would love a relationship with an honest, caring, loving man, regardless of his money. . . . or his "power" (quotes are soooooo intentional!)

best of luck to you a_dub.

[ItsASecret]

I just want it on my terms or not at all.

Your terms are a woman must meet the physical appearance standards that playboy for example creates with their photoshop program. That creation is a product of airbrushing and shutting a woman up by paying her. That woman does not exist in reality. In reality that perfect flawless desired on screen model has scars, blemishes, age spots, cellulite, and maybe emotional baggage beyond repair. All the things that you frequently are turned off by that actress will have. Any girl you see as a knockout will be a regular physically "flawed" woman underneath all her thick makeup and skin tight clothes. No one is a walking image of airbrushed perfection despite thinking or fantasizing about having that. Same applies to the knockout in the bar, under all that make up and self absorption is a girl with concerns about her body and scars to match it. Does not matter how hot you think she is when she is all dolled up she will always have a natural side to her that is not the perfection you are hoping to attain. You can wish and fantasize all you want but that does not make it anymore true.

The women you wish to have one day do not want the hard working traditional man with a "decent" bank account, they want the 80 year old oil tycoon with a bank account to match the standards they are expecting. Your thoughts are based on fictition to begin with, porn actresses and the like are a edited creation for men to escape reality, and most men understand that it is a fantasy and nothing more. Only a fool would believe that because he likes the way the image looks on screen he should be entitled to have it in real life, life does not work in that way much like you said "life is not fair". No it is not fair, it is not going to hand you a silver platter with everything you ever dreamed of on it. It will give you chances and you must create your own future with them. If you shrug your shoulders to all women because they simply are not 'up to par' then that is your choice but loneliness is not something the traditional man would be looking for. To the honest hard working traditional man the woman of his dreams are honestly the ones right in front of him on the street, the ones who have the personality and aspirations that he also has, the woman who will care for him and the family, the woman who cares about him, to that man his beautiful wife is beautiful with or without a thick caking of makeup and short mini skirts she is still that desired woman when she is sick in bed with matted hair and wearing sweats. If you are not capable of loving her based on any "flaws" she has or thinking your SO is now too unattractive when they are without their make up on or tight skirts then you should not bother trying to find her.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What she said

If you haven't made your first million by 21 you ain't going to do it by 31, given you are 29.

Women do not "respect" power unless they are an air-head, no I mean, imagine? Everything they do is based on what he wants, because he understands power. Off course at the beginning it's gifts and dinners but eventually, he will try to control...

Money is not as important as you think. Being comfortable and not having to struggle too much, is a bonus.

And, if you continue with all these TV thoughts Then you are surely going to grow old on your own and never experience true love and all that comes with it. Sounds as if you are afraid. That, if you fall for "anyone" you may end up divorced but if you have money you, think you can pick out of the crop and she will never leave because she has money, doesn't need to.

What about the loveless relationship that eventuates? You are happy to marry a handbag that doesn't love you, only loves your money? Really ? Think about that.

[a_dub]

OK, I was kidding with the scarface quote.

ItsASecret, your post was really good. I felt like you were talking directly to me! You're right, absolutely. I'm going to try to be better. For the record, I've never wanted a girl who looked like a pornstar...the girls who I fell for in the past, wouldn't have lasted a day on a porno set! I am more interested in the "everyday" girls. Thats what I'm looking for. I must admit, when I read your post, I felt like a little boy whose mother was scolding him for being an idiot. I hope I've learned my lesson, ma'am!

Stariana, her "terms" are automatically agreed upon. Notice thats been my problem: I have yet to find a girl I like whose terms I meet. Twice now, I fell pretty hard for a chick only to find that I didn't meet her terms. Her terms were the deciding factor! Her terms come first, since its the girl who accepts/rejects the guy's advances, and [almost] never the other way around. If girl accepts my terms, it is only because I have already agreed and met hers first and foremost.

Chandler's Wish, touche. I don't know why I've had these thoughts about life and the world. I have recognized them as being ridiculous for a few years now, but I haven't been able to disregard them. Maybe because my own parents had a crappy marriage and I built up this "fantasy" as a means of escape. Whatever it is, its allure is as strong as a black hole's gravitational field, and I'm trying and will try to break free of the shackles.

I would like to thank you all for tossing your thoughts out, and I will continue to post here in order to better understand women!!!

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong (as far as it being hurting to any other human besides himself obviously) with a dub's current choice of lifestyle. If you prefer to look at a picture of angelina jolie (or whoever else) as opposed to being with a woman that is 'less than her' in your eyes... nothing wrong with that as long as you are single. I've dubbed it 'pornosexual' and I mean that with NO offense... just a type of man that prefers fantasy to reality -- and there aint nothing wrong with that.

It would only be a poor decision to enter into a relationship while being so heavily in that frame of mind. It would only serve to provide both partners with an unfullfilling situation.

Not making fun of you, just trying to wrap my head around the notion of make believe versus reality in that greater sense to the point its robbing a person of quality of life.

I love fancy shoes, i suppose I could go barefoot til I can afford the fanciest brand out there... I could watch shoe commercials and dream... I could use a red marker and paint my soles and dance around the living room pretending they are LB's... and it isn't hurting anyone right? But it probably wouldnt be all that emotionally satisfying either.

Nothing wrong with having standards. Nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone you are attracted to. That is human. Whats troubling is when you set your standards and base your attractions in an unnattainable realm - you set yourself up for failure.

You don't want to settle for less than an 8, but what you've yet to realize is all that numbering, all that okay her hairs a 10 her buts a 9 her feet are 7 her nose is a 6 junk doesn't do anything but give you an excuse not to entertain the idea of being with someone in real life.

It's almost like a defense mechanism. Like I wont talk to her because she isn't perfect, but I won't talk to her because she is perfect and won't be in to me, let me go back inside under a rock.

Instead, why not try STOPPING rating girls and rather pay attention to the ones that catch your eye, don't size them up for a way to discount them (or yourself)

I agree with secret above, all those internet fantasies you've been buying (mentally), the women don't look as good as they are portrayed... that hot chick at the club -- kim k types -- give her a month without her tanning bed, take out her hair extensions, take off those false lashes, take out the implants/take off the push up bra, remove the spanks, lipstick, 4 layers of make up foundation, remove the flattering lighting and undo the airbrushing and you've got that average chck you just saw at the store and thought pfffft she's a 5.

Most average girls have the potential to be georgous under the right conditions... but girls that are hideous on the inside (men as well) have very little potential to be good people you'd want to spend time around.

[a_dub]

I agree with secret above, all those internet fantasies you've been buying (mentally), the women don't look as good as they are portrayed... that hot chick at the club -- kim k types -- give her a month without her tanning bed, take out her hair extensions, take off those false lashes, take out the implants/take off the push up bra, remove the spanks, lipstick, 4 layers of make up foundation, remove the flattering lighting and undo the airbrushing and you've got that average chck you just saw at the store and thought pfffft she's a 5.

I had no idea women use all that fake stuff on a regular basis. I only found out recently about hair extentions from a friend of mine who used it at a wedding. I have no clue why since her hair is pretty nice to begin with. But jeez...I feel just like a kid who's finding out that Santa and the Easter Bunny don't really exist.

What if female beauty as I know it, doesn't exist? I can't breathe...hold up. Wow. I am really going to have to recreate my whole mindset!

[ItsASecret]

I am more interested in the "everyday" girls.

As of your current state of affairs you are not, you are wanting to avoid the "everyday" girls because they are normal, they have flaws in your eyes, they are not 7,8,9,10's that you so desire. Normal girls are not 7,8,9,10's, those are the abnormal girls in the sense that they are not as common hence abnormal. Normal girls are the ones you deny.

I had no idea women use all that fake stuff on a regular basis.

No idea? I do not buy that. If you are man you know women wear make up for example, that is 'fake' in the sense that she is not being natural. She is covering her face to project something she defines as beautiful. Same applies to tanning, guys know girls fake tan, guys know girls get fake nails, guys definitely know girls get fake boobs. There is no way a guy can be completely oblivious or unaware that the image of their idea of 'perfection' is really a creation of several cover up effects at the spa to create an image. All a guy has to know is that a woman does something like get a fake set of nails at the spa to know that they are not looking at a woman at face value, that is not how she is naturally they are seeing a girl with an addition of something fake.

What if female beauty as I know it, doesn't exist? I can't breathe...hold up. Wow. I am really going to have to recreate my whole mindset!

Yeah I do not buy this either. You are acting like everything is "wow omg I had noooooo idea" while you may really be smirking while you type it out. I believe you are still going to be stuck on your photoshop image because that is still what you want to be true, but again wish all you want it still is not going to be true. If you are wanting to change your mindset you need to begin from base level, acceptance that photo effects are no more than an allusion to an unattainable fantasy world and such focus has ended up in you denying any good girl you may have honestly met since she is not the media portrayal that you may feel entitled to. Ever see the porn princess Holly Madison of the playboy covers without her makeup? You have surely seen her with it on the cover under all the editing, well Google that princess "Holly Madison no makeup" and look at those pictures. See the real Holly because that is the real Holly, real Holly has puffy eyes, blemishes and fair (not tanned) skin. Try that kind of Google search on any model and see how they really look without all the photo touch-ups. They are still pretty girls but they are not dolled up and edited girls in the way that you so desire.