[LanaBear]

Just so you know I say he is addicted to sex because he wants it all the time and I don't. What is sexual anorexia?

Fair enough... But what is all the time? Is it all the time in your eyes because you have no desire? I know hun, I used the same term for my hubby, but in reality and now that I look back on it, I was very far off base. Because I didn't want it, it seemed like it was all the time to me.

I think I mentioned this before, I understand now because it's like denying yourself something exquisite, something that you love. If you are denied that, well, that is what you want more than anything, but once you have it, it is the best thing ever and you can go back to normal and not think of it as much. It doesn't make you an addict though, IMO.

If you wanted, I don't know, something like chocolate or a glass of wine, once a day, you wouldn't consider yourself addicted to it, would you? But to someone who doesn't have the same desire for that piece of chocolate or that glass of wine that you do, then it's easy to throw in that word addiction into it.

[croalstad]

I found this information, Very interesting!

Sexual anorexia occurs when a person – again, most often a woman – fails to possess a healthy, sexual desire. This person will most likely be unaware of the hidden drivers that compel her behaviors. These victims can be in otherwise loving marriages, but have no interest in expressing any type of sexuality. They will often fail to initiate sexual contact, but usually report that once sex is underway, they are able to enjoy the exchange.

The impact of sexual anorexia on marriage can be profound. This condition can force an unhealthy celibacy onto the spouse, or worse, help lead the spouse to a false sense of entitlement to pornography, masturbation, or extramarital sexual involvement. These behaviors, in turn, further erode intimacy in the relationship and can facilitate a destructive cycle that threatens the marriage.

[croalstad]

Croalstad: How often does he want sex - if you have sex when he wants? (hm, that sentence wasn't clear). What I'm trying to say is: someone who isn't getting enough sex will want it all the time. That doesn't mean that they would have sex all the time if they could. It is like being hungry - if you are hungry you want food all the time. After you eat, you are happy, and you don't want food for a while. Have you tried having sex with him whenever he wanted for a while and seen how much he really wants? Maybe it isn't that much and you would be willing to do that for him, assuming he is also good to you in other ways.

Lack of sex can make a person unhappy / irritable / angry about a wide variety of unrelated things - can affect lots of other parts of your relationship and life in general.

I did have sex with him for awhile whenever he wanted it but it was to much for me and I gave up! Maybe I should try again he is older now! We have been together 25 years!

[LanaBear]

I found this information, Very interesting!

Sexual anorexia occurs when a person – again, most often a woman – fails to possess a healthy, sexual desire. This person will most likely be unaware of the hidden drivers that compel her behaviors. These victims can be in otherwise loving marriages, but have no interest in expressing any type of sexuality. They will often fail to initiate sexual contact, but usually report that once sex is underway, they are able to enjoy the exchange.

The impact of sexual anorexia on marriage can be profound. This condition can force an unhealthy celibacy onto the spouse, or worse, help lead the spouse to a false sense of entitlement to pornography, masturbation, or extramarital sexual involvement. These behaviors, in turn, further erode intimacy in the relationship and can facilitate a destructive cycle that threatens the marriage.

And, IMO, with baby steps and patience you can remedy the situation. Make a commitment to yourself that you will initiate it once a week to start. If anything to make your partner feel loved. After that, make a commitment to initiate it twice a week or give him a surprise bj or handjob, so on and so forth. Now, my arousal feeds off my hubby's. If I'm pleasuring him, I'm in a high state of arousal. I also found the more I did have sex with him, the more I wanted sex because of the connection and pleasure between the two of us.

[croalstad]

And, IMO, with baby steps and patience you can remedy the situation. Make a commitment to yourself that you will initiate it once a week to start. If anything to make your partner feel loved. After that, make a commitment to initiate it twice a week or give him a surprise bj or handjob, so on and so forth. Now, my arousal feeds off my hubby's. If I'm pleasuring him, I'm in a high state of arousal. I also found the more I did have sex with him, the more I wanted sex because of the connection and pleasure between the two of us.

Thanks for the advise LanaBear, we have 3 weeks of vacation starting Friday and I am going to take your advise and get started back on the road to being intimate with my husband. I will be back in 3 weeks either with good news or the same news but i'm going to give it a try. Thanks to everyone and good luck to you Gearhead on you 10th aniversary I hope it's everything you hope for!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Gearhead
She comes home from work (a teacher) and falls asleep on the couch for 1-2 hours
every night, falls asleep on the couch after dinner or around 9 and then gets up and goes to bed. When I try to follow her to bed it is always the answers I gave above.

You've bought a few interesting people out of the woodworks, joining this Forum because of your thread and it's interesting to note that others are seeking the answer, for themselves as well.

There is something wrong here. She is a teacher, comes home and "has" to, fall asleep for 1 - 2hrs, every night. Then, let's assume that's around 4pm, she has dinner and by 9pm, she needs to fall asleep again.

No one should lose their energy to that extent. There is a problem right there. I suffer from Fybromyalgia, so sometimes, I have to have an afternoon "nap" but usually only 20 - 40 minutes. I know full well that if I take a longer sleep than that, I will have no energy, feel tired, grumpy, too much sleep.

I doubt that I would feel like sex either, then again, just start it and I'll wake up

But, point being, anyone that needs to sleep for 1 - 2 hrs, after work, then crash again, at 9pm, no energy, is going to not be full of life, happy... awake, alive.

This may be the issue you need to address and find out more about.

Is it, too much for her? Work, being a teacher, caring for the house, the children?

Or, is there a glandular, thyroid, or other problem that is making her weak, tired?

CW

[rcoreyus]

Do you mind giving an idea of how often he did want sex when you were doing it whenever he wanted?

I hope you don't mind all the questions, but a lot of posters here (men and women) are in the situation where their spouses / SOs don't seem to want sex and they would be very interested in understanding this. There is an awful lot of unhappiness over this issue (on both sides) and it would be really helpful to a lot of people to find a solution.

I did have sex with him for awhile whenever he wanted it but it was to much for me and I gave up! Maybe I should try again he is older now! We have been together 25 years!

[WildChild]

I had to laugh ruefully over all this. My experience has been that if you offer a man sex whenever he wants it pretty soon he doesn't want it.
Some people just want what they don't have and don't want what they do.

[croalstad]

I had to laugh ruefully over all this. My experience has been that if you offer a man sex whenever he wants it pretty soon he doesn't want it.
Some people just want what they don't have and don't want what they do.

Well I have to say you are wrong about that "You offer a man who loves sex whenever he wants it and pretty soon he wants it even more". Then you really get into the fights about sex because now he is really confused if you don't want it. That's just my experience!

[croalstad]

Do you mind giving an idea of how often he did want sex when you were doing it whenever he wanted?

I hope you don't mind all the questions, but a lot of posters here (men and women) are in the situation where their spouses / SOs don't seem to want sex and they would be very interested in understanding this. There is an awful lot of unhappiness over this issue (on both sides) and it would be really helpful to a lot of people to find a solution.

I would say about 4 times a week!