[liminal]

So you dont honestly think a guy is likely to be looking for sex?

[liminal]

Okay, what kind of relationships knowing that he at least wants to get to know you does do you expect a guy to pursue?

I'm sure he is... but I'd like to think he'd want to know me before we just jump in the sack

[liminal]

My ability to communicate I guess varies with who I am with. I asked if women get offended if you hit on them and an Australian woman said they would be flattered but an American said they would be offended and maybe even slap you.

So Maybe in Australia I would have good communication skills.

In my brain basically saying "wow you seem like you'd be amazing as a person because you exude an energy that is appealing and yes sexual", while implying an interest in a meaningful but basically sexual relational connection shouldn't be wrong or offensive.

But it is wrong to some people depending on their culture or maybe they took offense because of my failure to communicate well?

liminal, my wife works at a school for Autistic children covering the full spectrum including Aspergers. There are also staff, including teachers and administrators there who have it as well. One thing I have heard and have seen is that they take those strengths they have and use them to their full advantage. One thing I've noticed throughtout the thread is your ability to communicate effectively. Communication is extremely important and to have this type of ability is a strength that many of us would love to have.

Use this strength.

[pretzel]

My ability to communicate I guess varies with who I am with. I asked if women get offended if you hit on them and an Australian woman said they would be flattered but an American said they would be offended and maybe even slap you.

So Maybe in Australia I would have good communication skills.

In my brain basically saying "wow you seem like you'd be amazing as a person because you exude an energy that is appealing and yes sexual", while implying an interest in a meaningful but basically sexual relational connection shouldn't be wrong or offensive.

But it is wrong to some people depending on their culture or maybe they took offense because of my failure to communicate well?

yes, and no. Yes, some cultures are in general less sexually restrictive than others. But look at in it within your own environment. Do you live in Australia as your example? Do you live in the US? It's important to stay within the limits of where you're at.

With respect to the paragraph I highlighted, I want to go back to something I mentioned earlier and that is putting the cart before the horse. From your paragraph I see an all or nothing situation where I still feel you'd be better served working on building confidence in your interpersonal relationships and then letting the sexual side of it work itself out. I still believe this is where your main focus should be.

[liminal]

Well I don't know what you mean by "all or nothing". Can you explain?

[pretzel]

Well I don't know what you mean by "all or nothing". Can you explain?

No problem. What I mean is that it appears throughout that in dealing with dating that it is a prelude to sex and sex only. No sex, no dating.

What I'm saying is to separate the two and work on the easier of them which is dating and interpersonal relationships and leave sex out of the equation. Sex will come, it may not be at the pace you'd like.

[liminal]

No, it sounds like you aren't understanding me. It sounds like I am not communicating myself correctly. It's not all or nothing to me. You know if a woman loved me totally and completely and understood me I wouldn't care if she ever slept with me because I would be fulfilled.

I am obviously failing to communicate myself very well.

The example I gave really isn't about sex when you think about it and certainly not a sex only mentality. I mean if you feel a person exudes something you like that does not mean that you will not be open to more down the road it just means you don't want to lie and manipulate that person about what you want.

To be myself.

That's what I think unifies all of these questions. To be validated.

No problem. What I mean is that it appears throughout that in dealing with dating that it is a prelude to sex and sex only. No sex, no dating.

What I'm saying is to separate the two and work on the easier of them which is dating and interpersonal relationships and leave sex out of the equation. Sex will come, it may not be at the pace you'd like.

[pretzel]

No, it sounds like you aren't understanding me. It sounds like I am not communicating myself correctly. It's not all or nothing to me. You know if a woman loved me totally and completely and understood me I wouldn't care if she ever slept with me because I would be fulfilled.

I am obviously failing to communicate myself very well.

The example I gave really isn't about sex when you think about it and certainly not a sex only mentality. I mean if you feel a person exudes something you like that does not mean that you will not be open to more down the road it just means you don't want to lie and manipulate that person about what you want.

To be myself.

That's what I think unifies all of these questions. To be validated.

Well said, and I apologize for not getting it the first time.

[liminal]

What parts do you agree with?

[pretzel]

Pretty much the whole post, but in particular the point "to be myself". That is a theme that is stressed pretty heavily here and for good reason. If you can't be true to yourself and to be yourself, how do you expect others to do the same?

You will make friends and gain confidence in yourself only if you are yourself and not trying to be someone you're not just to get something you want. That's not being fair to yourself nor to others.