[Guest]

O_O Who coughed this thread out of ?

[stressed]

Stressed - would you consider it OK to watch porn when your SO turns you down for sex? (assuming this is frequent, and that you are a considerate lover, etc).

If your SO repeatedly turns you down then something must be very wrong.

When we were at a stage when my SO had been constantly turning me down for over a year, I could have turned to porn but I thought it would be dumb of me to do so, because if I live with a man and turn to porn instead then it's just silly. I feel like sex is 50% of the relationship so why not try to work things out instead.

If your SO turns you down once for a valid reason and you rush to porn then I don't know, why not just wait another day instead and save it for something even better.

I don't know, I watched porn as single, I liked it, but I don't see a point in it now that I'm in a serious relationship. He had told me that he felt the same but all of the sudden he said he wanted it back. I never turned him down (only once recently, to show him how it feels like), I've always been willing to try anything, so I don't see why he would make porn an issue. Funny thing is, after this one time I turned him down he said "why don't you want to do that, would it be better if I went to a corner and masturbated instead?". However, the numerous times he turned ME down I was the mean one 'whose mind was on sex all the time', the one who was 'not understanding' and the one 'most likely to cheat because I want so much sex' and so on.

Anyway, to answer the question, I've been on both sides of this and I can't answer with a clear 'yes' or 'no'. I've never been in a situation where I turned down my man and then he had to watch porn instead to give you a definite answer. This one time it happened it was intentional. Personally, I didn't watch porn when I was turned down. But I'm not saying everyone should be like me either. Being turned down is such a blow that it can set somebody's mind off sex totally. It's hard to explain but the mentality can be "my SO turns me down and here I am watching porn instead, I feel pathetic". At least that's how I'd feel and how I felt towards porn at the time. I still feel the same because there hasn't been much improvement sex-wise.

I don't know if that answers the question.

[mooseknuckler]

People are focusing to much on the porn here... The plain and simple face is porn is just a tool for masturbating for "most" men. A lot of men need visual stimulation when they masturbate! I guess women have a harder time understanding this because like 80% of sexual stimulation for a woman is mental. The mental side of fantasy just isn't as strong for most men. It's nothing personal, nor does it mean we are less attracted to our SO, my SO (IMO) is the most beautiful woman I know! I love her to death. But I also like to masturbate from time to time (would I rather have sex with her? yes! but sometimes its just not possible), porn helps get my imagination going... Thank god she doesn't have a problem with this I'm truly a lucky man!

[Steph33]

We must be lucky then, I masturbate him when he wants it. Saves us electricity and wear on the PC.

But then he also doesn't walk around with dead penis when I want him or ever act uninterested from wearing out his own hand on porn.

That's the problem for many porn users.

Not a discuss, read the female complaints.

Not much to argue.

It harms or destroys many relationships, by the male's choice to watch porn.

Period.

[Hopeless Dork]

We must be lucky then, I masturbate him when he wants it. Saves us electricity and wear on the PC.

But then he also doesn't walk around with dead penis when I want him or ever act uninterested from wearing out his own hand on porn.

That's the problem for many porn users.

Not a discuss, read the female complaints.

Not much to argue.

It harms or destroys many relationships, by the male's choice to watch porn.

Period.

You really hit the needle on the head there, Steph. Most of the women complaining about porn are also complaining about lack of sex, or lack of interest from their significant other. It seems to go hand in hand. The women that don't have a problem with their boyfriend/husbands porn use... also seem sexually satisfied... either they have less of a drive than their guy and don't mind his porn use to balance it... or their men are still very attentive despite masturbating a lot.

The ones that get so upset by porn are usually also tired of going to bed horny while the monitor in the office is flickering porn and their man is busy making love to his knuckles. There in lies the problem.

Its about balance. Moose knuckler, you seem to have it, thats why your gf doesnt mind it.. trust if she has a sex drive and you were not attending to it while attending to your own with porn... she would start to resent it. Thats what it all comes down to. Consideration.

[stressed]

EXACTLY!

I never once cared whether my past boyfriends watched porn, it never once crossed my mind even as a joke, let alone an issue. I was satisfied and felt wanted. I felt ENOUGH. If they'd watch porn then even better for me, I'd get a break and not dehydrate!

But, come on, when I have to check the temperature, the humidity, the sun's position, the date and tell the stars before I have SOME kind of sex... the last thing I need on my mind is porn...

[mooseknuckler]

I think its more about communication rather then consideration. If a woman is ready to go you NEED to express that! Surprise him by entering the room with a sexy outfit on, come on to him outta no where, say something verbally sexy... or just out right say "Hey get your sexy over here and F*ck me!" believe me any of those things with drive him crazy! Women are aloud to express their sexual needs, you can't always rely on the man to make the first move. A man will not know you are going to bed horny and unhappy if you don't say anything.

If you are doing these sort of things and you man isn't responding, there's a problem... which is more than likely with the relationship in some way, if not, maybe hes one of the ones that are seriously addicted to porn.

Basically porn is not the issue, the issue is communication! If the one person enjoys it and the other doesn't, you need to sit down and talk about it. Odds are if you demand that he stops, he will just hide it better. You will need to be more open minded about it. Ask him why he enjoys it so much, have him show some of it to you and explain. maybe the 2 of you can compromise somehow... Watch it together and experiment with each other.

I find it a bit funny that its only the women that have a problem with porn, you don't see any threads about guys complaining about their women watching porn! If i walked in on my SO masturbating to porn, I would be really turned on and join in. Seeing/knowing you woman is sexually excited and comfortably exploring her sexuality is a HUGE turn on. Women complaining about sex or anything related to sex... is most definitely not! Its like women say about men... Confidence is sexy! Same goes with this topic, any insecurities with anything sexual is a real turn off. Show your man that you are open minded and what to explore anything sexual and you will have him eating out of the palm of you hand! (or whatever else you might want him eating out of )

[Hopeless Dork]

Yes, notice how its only women complaining about porn. As a woman with a sexual appetite enough to masturbate to porn isn't likely going to refuse sex from her significant other... there in giving him no reason to be resentful of it. Make sense?

The problem is not in how seductive and sexy the SO is... or how open she is to trying new things, talking dirty, stripping, dancing for her guy, coming into the bedroom wearing something hot etc... she can do whatever she wants and if the guy has already ejaculated and is tired he's gonna say wow ur hot... and then snore himself off to sleep.

And if the reason he has already ejaculated and is tired is because he was watching porn its hard not to be resentful of him watching it. Granted some guys watch porn and still have energy for their s.o whether they masturbate or not... note the women with those guys are generally not the ones in here complaining.

[Hopeless Dork]

Oh and I do think it has everything to do with consideration VS selfishness. Sure its easy to get himself off and get on with his day, but if the woman needs his sex in order to feel satisfied and porn and masturbation aren't cutting it for her needs... him taking care of his own knowing it will impact helping with hers is inconsiderate. Communication is only an issue if the man doesn't know his S.O wants sex. If he does, its just selfish to take the other path.

[mooseknuckler]

What you're saying makes sense, only your now talking about masturbating and leaving her hanging not porn.

The issue with a man ejaculating then being too tired for sex, well that would probably only happen if he just masturbated. Guys can ejaculate several times a day and if its only from masturbating he shouldn't be too tired... Masturbating takes very little energy for man! Last night my SO was gone for a few hours and I was very excited for her to come home, so excited in fact, I ended up "taking care of myself" twice and we still ended up having sex when she got in

If a man is rejecting sex, there's other issues in the background that are not being voiced! Communication is the answer to all problems in a relationship.