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porn....
ok here goes... I am 29 years old,
I have been married for almost 10 years...
Our relationship, like most have had ups and downs...
Ups meaning...weekend canoe trips, road trips, laughs, good times
....downs ranging from financial difficulties to a year and a half ago i found out my husband had an affair with a "good friend" that lasted for over 3 years
. He claims the affair is over, and i believe it is...as the other woman has moved away and i have not found anything AT ALL suspisios of him doing so. I am grateful that we worked through it (at least i am conned (again) to believe its over)
, but we discussed in therapy how if he were to be lying about something elese and not being up front with me, it would kill me all over, and he awknowledged and assured myself, himself and the therapist he was not/would not do that and if he did he would be upfront. Overtime, as devestating and hard this has been, i have learned to accept that he did this to "us" and go on with my life. It actually made our relationship stronger (i thought). Well i work nights and came home 2 days ago and went on the internet cookies and found that he deleted the stuff he was hiding and kept the stuff he wanted me to think he was seeing, like football guys.com and ESPN stuff, not Paris hiltona dn pamela andersons ****. It was porn...again, like a year and a half ago i was devestated...he says he likes porn and feels ashamed that he does...i try to let him know...that it hurts more to lie that the fact he likes porn.....I am not very comfortable about it, but i can accept it, if it is not sick and crazy porn (like childen pornography), but i did wish it was more tasteful and a bit softer than that. I can live with the fact that he likes porn, and it almost turns me on for some sick strange reason....but then again...it makes me feel ugly and dirty at times.....
I am just worried now that he is lying about other things. He states he is not, but he is not very credible from past expirences noted above. I am not relly sure if i should invest into this relationship. I have been trying to gain my independence in case he is lying and i will be able to make it if he does hurt me again, but that is difficult when i love the person and want to be with him for the rest of my life. We have an 8 year old son...he is working, and the bread winer,i am one year away from my masters degree, working nights. I have no income.The house i live in is his parents in his name...the car i drive is his...my only financial worth i have is a digital camera i would not trade in for anything....I find it difficult to finish school because i have a hard time trusting him when i leave.....as i know he stays up and is on the computer alot and the lyer is most always one step ahead of the victim....
But all in all i love him, and feel, with all of his wrongs he has done and mistakes he has made, loves me, as i know he would of left a long time ago.........put aside these problems and he is a good person. He could have kicked me to the curb like my mother and father did when i was 18, but he states he loves me and would not leave me. I dont think he would leave me homeless , carless and with no money...I want to be with him, but i hate living in this fear.....The only people who I have felt truly believe in me and support me are his brother and his parents (who live in another country). I just hope there are no more suprises in store...i think i have had all i can handle in this relationshipComment
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hotdogg
lol! is that your idea of an intelligent response?
i have seen quite a few of your responses in other threads and you sound very ignorant!Comment
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hotdogg
that was for housewife.Comment
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You can hate porn all you want but it will always be around. Porn is not evil. Murder is evil, yet that gets shown on all television programs without thought but sex, something almost ALL people do sometime or another in their lives is seen as evil. this makes absolutely no sense to me. You can think porn is evil but that just means you are undereducated and insecure. Get over it. We all have sex.Comment
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Guest
you're equating sex and porn - another lie the industry has sold you.You can hate porn all you want but it will always be around. Porn is not evil. Murder is evil, yet that gets shown on all television programs without thought but sex, something almost ALL people do sometime or another in their lives is seen as evil. this makes absolutely no sense to me. You can think porn is evil but that just means you are undereducated and insecure. Get over it. We all have sex.Comment
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Porn & addiction...sex out of context
On a cold, dark night, there's nothing better than a blazing fire in the fireplace. You can pile on the wood and let it burn nice and warm. It's safe, warm, relaxing and romantic. Now take that same fire out of the fireplace (which was built for it) and drop it in the middle of the living room. Suddenly it becomes destructive. It can burn down the whole house and kill everyone inside. Sex is like that fire. As long as it's expressed in the protective commitment of a marriage relationship, it's wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn takes sex outside that context.
Porn's Image of Sex
One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers -- people they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn't matter whose body I'm using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.
What Sex is Really About
The problem with porn's shallow perspective is that relationships are not built on sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really great.Comment
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