[LanaBear]

As much as a man's role plays in the female orgasm (Pun? You decide...) I think a woman needs to mentally prepare herself too and not just mentally, but physically. A lot of that comes with maturity and experience too.

Back in the day, it was so hard for me to orgasm because I just wasn't feeling it. I didn't explore myself a whole lot and didn't really care too. As I got older, I realized that it is as much for ME to learn as it is my partner, if not more so. The more and more I experimented by myself, the more I was able to orgasm. Now, I'm insanely quick on the trigger. I can orgasm from very little stimulation, very quickly, both vaginal and clitoral, but it was a huge learning experiment. Getting to the point where I was comfortable with my body and my bodies response and reaction to certain things.

This was another undertaking when I wanted to achieve a g-spot orgasm. For me, this was a completely different ball of wax. It took a while but eventually I was able to.

[WildChild]

The mental/emotional is certainly critical. When I was with the LOML I was always turned on, ready. He was a very selfish lover and there was rarely any foreplay, he got bjs more than anything else and gave me just enough to sex to keep me from walking away. When we did have sex though, he made sure I was very satisfied. Really this wouldn't have worked with many women I think.

Oddly, the man I'm seeing now is much more attentive and caring but the connection just isn't as intense and while I do respond well to him, its not the same. I'm not as readily aroused. I don't know if its a reaction to past experience. It may well be. I seem to have a reached a point where a man will have to prove himself to me more before I can fully open up to him. Its like a part of me shut down. I am still orgasmic but not as easily.

[demotivator]

Do you go out of your way to ensure she has an orgasm, or are you more concerned about your own and leave it up to chance whether or not she has one as well?

This question is funny in a wierd way. The best encounters I've ever had were based on the idea that everyone was going to have an orgasm by using the other person. I'm responsible for mine, she is for hers. Her body, her orgasm. Sex is a selfish act. The trick is if two people like the same things selfishness becomes attentiveness.

There were a lot of times when my girlfriend taught she is in the mood but couldn't go over the edge and I can say the same thing about myself. Besides, stressing about the orgasms is for the first few months of the relationship, it's the learning period. If you teach the other well orgasms will come easy, you will just have to be in the right mood and you'll have to want it. The rest is easy.

[WildChild]

Many women, despite what the men may think, have never orgasmed. Most don't know how to communicate that without upsetting the male ego.
I've personally, more than once, had a conversation with a man that went something like this:

WC, "I read that virtually all women say they have faked an orgasm at some time and many do so all the time."
Guy, "I heard that too"
WC, "Do you think you could tell if a woman was faking it?"
Guy, "Oh absolutely"
WC, " So how many times has a woman faked it with you?"
Guy, "Never, they always cum with me"

Yeah right.
Stats are just against that.

How can we address something that neither will admit?

[kristalyn_04]

It's so interesting how women are so different in the way that they respond to sex, and each encounter can be very different from the last.

For me, I've never had a g-spot orgasm. I have yet to have a partner that cares enough about my pleasure to try and get me there or explore it with me. I have tried it on my own a few times... feels good but I haven't gotten there yet. I think I'm certainly capable of it, and I'm just recently beginning to explore it a little more, figure out the reasons why it hasn't happened yet and what it would take to get me there. I think it's a matter of a few different factors: being aroused enough physically and mentally, feeling comfortable enough to completely let go, and having a partner who cares about my pleasure and whom I share an emotional connection with.

This brings up an interesting question... how much does an emotional connection with your partner affect your arousal and orgasm? Does it feel physically different than sex with someone you don't share that kind of connection with, or going solo?

[chaya]

This brings up an interesting question... how much does an emotional connection with your partner affect your arousal and orgasm? Does it feel physically different than sex with someone you don't share that kind of connection with, or going solo?

I never had an orgasm before I slept with my fiance, not even through masturbation. The consensual sex I had before my husband did nothing for me, I hated it and couldn't wait to get it over with. For me, the emotional connection made all the difference.

[LanaBear]

Many women, despite what the men may think, have never orgasmed. Most don't know how to communicate that without upsetting the male ego.
I've personally, more than once, had a conversation with a man that went something like this:

WC, "I read that virtually all women say they have faked an orgasm at some time and many do so all the time."
Guy, "I heard that too"
WC, "Do you think you could tell if a woman was faking it?"
Guy, "Oh absolutely"
WC, " So how many times has a woman faked it with you?"
Guy, "Never, they always cum with me"

Yeah right.
Stats are just against that.

How can we address something that neither will admit?

They were talking about this on the radio yesterday... Something about the latest poll that states 60% of women fake orgasms, HOWEVER... More women admitted to faking orgasms more because of THEIR sexual insecurities rather than something their partner was/wasn't doing. Some of the "excuses" women gave as to why they faked it due to their insecurities were... They’re embarrassed about their abilities; they’re afraid of being intimate; they’re tired and just want to stop; and they actually fake it to increase their excitement.

Thoughts?

[jns]

I wish I would have learned sooner. I married my first partner. With the lack of experience, it took years to understand how to make my wife orgasmic every time. When I was young. my spouse was orgasmic about 40% of the time. The rest of the time was blamed on me. Part of the problem was my spouse as she did not communicate well and would never touch herself. We never did much oral. After she turned 44, her drive really took off and she was more aggressive. I also read a book by a feamle doctor about how to make her first. Made a world of difference. Now she orgasisms probably 95% of the time and multiple times. I figured out, if you make her come first, it only makes her more horney and in the end, I get more sex. Win Win!!

You got it!
Scientist and science fiction writer Robert Heinlein brought this up in some of his books, that women are horniest when they just had sex (one orgasm creates a desire for more).
No matter how attracted I am to a man, my attraction to him can carry it only so far. If he is not a good and interested lover, I will start to lose interest in sex with him - not in sex but with him. Too many men (and women) seem to define being "good" at sex as getting him off.

It takes a while for guys to learn the tricks of how to get a woman excited. Many don't care about the woman or are too selfish, so they won't learn. Some don't care about sex. But of those left, seasoning can make the difference.

[Texinator]

They were talking about this on the radio yesterday... Something about the latest poll that states 60% of women fake orgasms, HOWEVER... More women admitted to faking orgasms more because of THEIR sexual insecurities rather than something their partner was/wasn't doing. Some of the "excuses" women gave as to why they faked it due to their insecurities were... They’re embarrassed about their abilities; they’re afraid of being intimate; they’re tired and just want to stop; and they actually fake it to increase their excitement.

Thoughts?

"Fake it till you make it" won't work in this situation. If it's their abilities they worry about... what better way than to learn with a partner. If it is that they are too tired... then they should communicate that. No point in having sex when you aren't in the right mood. As for building excitement? Well, you could have more excitement going for a real orgasm rather than making him believe you already had one, so that's not a good choice either.

Fake orgasms don't help anyone.

[LanaBear]

Fake orgasms don't help anyone.

I was going to end that post with a plead to women everywhere to stop faking orgasms, lol... They are doing no one any justice by faking them.