[tinkerbell930]

ras-
Sorry that you feel that way. It wasn't intended to be a scolding.

Older people that have had tons of life experience really only want to give some wisdom that might have helped OUR younger selves before we made mistakes. But as generation after generation proves, all kids will make their own mistakes and anything we as adults went through is never taken seriously from a younger kid. I know this for fact as I have 3 daughters-21/19 and 14. I have been pretty lucky that my girls do come to me with all their problems-no matter what they are-sex, money, friends...whatever...we are very open and they listen and feel that I have some good advice...they don't have to take it though...I feel they have been brought up to know what they want and what they will put up with.

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I am sure nobody here wants to be your mother or father....just want to hand down some wisdom. I come here for that too and I am 39....I can always use some good advice....

Take care girl!

[tinkerbell930]

cowboy-

YES, this is very public for the "private" conversations....but I guess that is why we come here....
I really do appreciate all your advice. It is nice to hear it from a man's point of view.
My husband is a very strong willed man and I know in the past when I have talked to him about the things I would like, he has taken it as a personal attack...like he isn't pleasing me enough...he has been burned a lot in the past from girls/women...he is 10 years younger than I am, but is slowly becoming a wonderful man...the girls in his past were very immature and had no class....thus, he didn't either. He has it in him, but needed someone to bring it out. I truly believe he has come a long way in the "sex" department. I am pretty sure it was all one sided and he really didn't care about the girls feelings...he really does care about me and is always saying that he wishes he could make me feel as good as I make him feel. Well, he just has to step it up a little.

OH...and NO it doesn't make you a perv at all! I would love to know if any of my suggestions helped you too!

Ravsome:
Kid, this site is about sharing problems, support and advice. It seems to me from one of your other posts that you said your self esteem was terribly low already and that past boyfriends had made you feel even worse. Having been over a few bumps in the road of life, we were simply trying to help someone younger avoid making decisions that would be regretted for life.

No need to get all defensive and snitty: Take the advice in the spirit it was offered or don’t take it. If you’ve decided having sex is the right thing and you don’t care about advice, then by all means ignore us & have at it, your choice. But remember this: a light bulb can be unscrewed again… you can’t.
>>
Also, I remember you saying that you thought your parents didn’t care about you because they wouldn’t talk to you about this sort of stuff and all your dad did was hit you up for money. Maybe it’s not them who are the problem…

WH makes it impossible to make a PM. -sigh-

My name is Ravsoma, not Ravsome. Kay? And treat me with respect and do not call me "kid." It's bad enough that I have to be looked down upon because I'm younger and now I'm being belittled.

Yes, I've heard the joke about the pregnant woman and the lightbulb. And when did I say sex is the right thing for me? I never did. The oral sex I did have was over two years ago and I haven't talked to that guy in ages. Also, I ahve had no sexual contact with anyone else since then. Would you please get off my case about this? Please?

You're just trying to act like a father to me which isn't helping much. It doesn't seem like you read what I post in this thread, but you dig up old stuff that I wrote a while back. I really don't think you're trying to offer me help. More like make yourself feel better for not knowing my age when you asked me how oral felt.

I did not decide that sex is what I want. If you read what I posted at the bottom of page 3 then you would know exactly what I have to say about it.

Also, I get that a lot that I'm the problem with my parents. You're not making me feel any better. Yes, it's not my parents fault they fight all the time or they threaten divorce or if they're just not happy. It's all my fault. I was born in order to give them peace and I'm not doing my job. I know, cowboy, it's all my fault and I should be a better child...Wait... Why are you being my parents into this? This has nothing to do with the thread. It's not even in the same subforum.

I'm at my wits end being nice to people who do nothing but treat me like wasted space. I am so close to being banned for speaking my mind against some people. I don't want you or tinkerbell to be the reason I go out. I actually like this place.

If you haven't noticed, my fuse gets lit easily. Don't push me. It's hard to have a bad day and then come on the internet and be bashed. Okay? I'm so sorry for coming into your thread. So sorry that you had to bring up something I said a few weeks ago; that you had to refer to me as "kid"; and that my knowledge about oral sex isn't good enough because I'm younger than you. I sincerely apologise and no, I'm not being sarcastic.

By the way: Thank you epsilon and hotdogg. ^_^

[cowboychuck]

Ravsome:
Did not mean to upset you.

hey Ravsoma,
keep your chin up hun! you sound like a smart girl, remember that you know what is best for you!

[epsilon]

tinker:

If I take the time to please him (at least 4-6 orals for him a month) why can't he reciprocate without me having to tell him I want it? It is so embarrassing to me to say "hey babe, will you PLEASE go down on me?" I can't exactly tell him my ex did it all the time and enjoyed it so I know I don't smell or taste bad...I shower all the time....It really makes me feel like I am disgusting to him since he doesn't do it.

Men are not generally intuitive creatures, so you should expect him to be utterly oblivious to anything you have not explicitly discussed. If he really cares about pleasing you, he'll be grateful for any advice that makes him a better lover.

What you say doesn't even have to be that specific, you could ask to just "take it slow" for once. I think most guys have been guilty of being a little greedy at some point or another, I've had relationships where the foreplay went from hours to seconds, the important thing is to call him on it, because you not being satisfied is going to effect the relationship one way or another.

And to Ravsoma, never let anyone guilt trip you for past sexual decisions, you seem to have a good focus on who you want to be going forward and that's all that matters.

I know the 2 older ones have already had sex, but hearing a 16 year old talking like that just freaked me out a little. I noticed another thread she had posted on about a girl that didn't know if she had an orgasm by intercourse and this 16 year old had posted back about it. As if she has tons of experience...that makes me somewhat sad. ravsome-you have a lot of years ahead of you...even though you have had sex, I hope you start to hold back and wait for a time when you are older and have found a loving man that will SHOW you what it is all about. I know at 16 I was VERY in love with my high school boyfriend (we were together for over 3 years) and the sex was so clumsy....it wasn't until years and years later that I realized what it was all about. Sorry to be another "parent" on here lecturing!

...I feel abused in this thread. I'm sorry for ever coming in here. I'll leave the adults to have a chat instead.

Note: I'M A VIRGIN!

Ravsoma: Shoot, now I feel crappy. I didn't realize you're that young!
You're still just an innocent kid - and I don't mean that in a bad way. Keep your virginty until the right occasion. That will be when you're with the right person and it just seems the natural thing to do. Don't think you need to have sex because everyone around you say they've done it or you feel you need to keep up. If you do that, it won't be a nice experience and you'll end up regretting it (case in point what you went through before). It should feel like something you want to do with the person you're with. At your age it is also too easy to get drawn in by a guy a bit older who tells you that you have to "if you really love" me after knowing him only a short time. If he really loves you he won't force you into something you're not comfortable with. A lot of the guys I went to school with would take a girl somewhere then tell her she either had to put out or walk home. Afterwards of course they'd move on leaving the girl feeling cheap and dirty. Don't let someone coerce into you it... wait until the decisions is yours. Sorry if this comes across sounding like a parent thing - it's just that I now realize I'm old enough to be your dad and then some.

...Why does everyone feel the need to treat me like a child?!

I know this already. I was with the guy I had oral sex with for 1 and a half years before I did anything with him... Please, don't lecture me. I have a father already.

Cowboychuck-
I don't mean to sound b*tchy, but ravsoma is only 16 years old. And ravsoma, you shouldn't be having sex until you are a lot older. I KNOW it happens at a very young age ALL the time...trust me, I was your age over 20 years ago and I thought sex was not what everyone made it out to be. Years later I found out that it really is....with the RIGHT MAN!

I was 14 when it happened...I didn't have intercourse; only oral. I just didn't like it at all. I dun want no more.

And please don't tell me when I should be having sex. I already set a date in my life when I would. Just have a look at some of my other post...Wait...Lemme find it for you.

Here we go:

Agreed. I found that marriage if not for me and therefore being a virgin until marriage is out of the question. Also, I don't want to lose my virginity in high school. As a matter of fact, I don't want to lose it in college either. Those 8 years are meant for me to concentrate on myself and my schoolwork. I want to be successful and I don't need a nagging boyfriend that wants sex constantly because it was good the first time or a baby holding me back. Now, I'm not saying that people who do have sex in high school/college or have a baby have less of a chance than I do, but that's how I see my life. When I feel mature, ready, and have the ability to accept the consequences, I'll have sex and I'll enjoy myself, married or not (I'll probably go through that phase in my 30's where I look at my married friends with babies and have an emotional breakdown ).

[cowboychuck]

tinkerbell: This has turned into a very private conversation in public, hasn't it? Thanks for your nice responses. I truly wish for you that my suggestions work out.
The idea of the fantasy notes sound like a gas (I guess that expression dates me) and I'd urge you to go with it. If he doesn't come up with his note, call him on it. Like: "Hey, big boy, didn't you forget something? This isn't going to work without 2 notes, you know."
I think you need to be a little bit bossy. I suspect with him being construction dude, he is used to being in charge & in control. Tell him he needs to lay a proper "foundation" for the actual lovemaking and that foundation is good foreplay. It sounds like you need to get his attention to get through to him. It also sounds like I was right: once "little construction guy" gets out, his head does all the thinking so don't let him get out until you're sure you're getting what you need.

I hope this all works for you. I'd love to know how it goes. (That doesn't make me sound like a pervert, does it?)