[alibaby]

My boyfriend watches porn almost regularly and it really hurts me to know he does it. We've talked about it before and he agreed to stop (which he didn't). He told me that he watches it to find new moves for us which i find hard to believe because the porn i find sometimes is strictly women. I keep finding pornography on his computer and yet he still tells me he doesn't watch it anymore and now if i confront him about it he gets really offended. I really dont know what to do anymore because I want to get past this but he continues to lie to me. I can't wait to catch him in the act because that may never happen. What do i do?

This was how this thread started. Sadgirl7 asked for advice on what to do. Does anyone think that debating this issue in the middle of this or any other thread from a person seeking advice is going to be of help? Is it fare to sadgirl7? Can't you guys just agree to disagree, give each other a cyber handshake, and move on?

[Guest]

do you want to save the relationship? if so, you have 2 initial steps to take: ist, get yourself a counselor or pastor - someone you trust that can help you with the issues YOU will have. then work on getting him to:

1. admit there's a problem with watching porn - if he can't get there with you, you'll have no common ground on which to start working
2. talk about why he watches it - the truth. not to get moves, etc. what's driving him to look at it. alcoholics drink not to get drubnk but to self medicate other, deeper issues that have nothing to do with liquor. porn is no different.
3. confide in someone - a guy - he trust & who can hold him accountable. if he wanted to do a triathlon, he might find another guy to work out with. this is the same. he needs a partner

great point - here's my advice.

[hotdogg]

"Again...everyone has their own opinion on the subject...you dont like it...that is fine...and fair!! But to cut somebody down for their opinions....immature!!!
And to tell us to get a life....I am certainly not on this forum at 4:07 am!!!!"

first of all that post was in reply to whilhelm! also i do not come here at 4.30am i am british and we are 6 hours ahead of US time!

also whilhelm i never said this post was about me! i use myself and my husband has examples because we have never had a problem with porn and we have been together for 10 years.

i am just sick of you making generalisations which assumes that everyone who watches porn is some sort of deviant or has some sort of addiction.

you also give out mixed massages, one minute you are telling women it is not a reflection of them, then the next minute you are saying men are watching it because they like porn more than them.

you do not get hundreds of woman posting on this board saying they do not have a problem with porn for that very reason! if they do not have a problem they do not need to post! its pretty simple really.

[ladyinred9]

To all the haters!!!

I apologize for what I said about the time thing. I agree with alibaby. Forums are a way for people to vent and ask for advice...but when people cut others down for it...and say its pathetic for feeling a certain way...I get defensive about that. If anyone comes across (like Kate did) in an agressive way....you should not be on the forum...you should be writing your next "best seller" if you are are so passionate about your position.

No one will win this topic because no one is going to completely change the way some of us view porn. So please....dont cut people down...dont challenge our relationships or tell us we have self esteen issues. Just understand that it can be challenging at times. If you have GOOD advice...please give it. If you want to laugh in our face....(bully)....WRONG PLACE TO BE!!!!!

[hotdogg]

ok ladyinred9 i see your point!

it is easy to take offense when you have someone telling you that you have some sort of problem just because you watch porn.

[Guest]

you also give out mixed massages, one minute you are telling women it is not a reflection of them, then the next minute you are saying men are watching it because they like porn more than them.

that's not a mixed message. both statements are true.

[hotdogg]

"that's not a mixed message. both statements are true."

are you for real ,those statements contradict each other!

you do not have a clue!

[Guest]

ok, hotdogg. i'll talk slowly.

porn is not a reflection of something inadequate about a woman. if a guy watches porn, there's nothing wrong with his wife.

that was statement number one.

here's statement number two.

if a guy watches porn, he is looking for something more than his sexual relationship with his wife can give. that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with his wife. it means he is satisfying something, a craving, an itch - whatever you want to call it.

so both statements are true. and the implication of both being true is that it is a problem for guys to watch porn. it's not a problem with the woman. she is not inadequate if her guy watches porn - and it's important that women understand that. the typical response when a woman finds her guy watching porn is: what's wrong with me?

nothing.

BUT - she also needs to understand that porn is feeding something that a real sexual relationship can't feed.

understand?

i think the best thing for you do to, hotdogg, would be to follow through with your promise of a few weeks ago - and not post on this topic anymore.

[hotdogg]

i have told you this before do not patronize me! and do not tell me what to do! you have not earned the right!



"if a guy watches porn, he is looking for something more than his sexual relationship with his wife can give. that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with his wife. it means he is satisfying something, a craving, an itch - whatever you want to call it."

i call it to simply jack off! i see nothing wrong with anyone masterbating it allows the person a quick sexual release without having to worry about anyone else. some people use porn as a visual aid so they can cum faster! a man could go to his wife or vice versa but then they have to satisfy her or him too! sometimes people do not want to engage in a full on sex session. and thats why they masterbate.

and i know i am right on this one! i know because i watch porn!

at the end of the day has long as a couple still have regular sex then their is no problem.

if they are having problems then they will be more to it than just porn!

[Guest]

easy, killer. i wouldn't patronize you. you just seemed to be having a hard time understanding, so i explained it.

so as long as i throw my wife a bone every now & then, what i do to get off is my business & should be OK with her.

hotdogg, since you've pulled the gloves off a long time ago...

your attitude sucks & your logic is ridiculous. you're just scrambling around trying to justify your behavior. your lack of concern for others manifests itself in your attitude toward sex - just as it did in your quickness to call middle eastern women ugly (because you didn't like what a middle eastern poster said), or your telling me to go cleanse my soul at church (because you didn't like what i had said).

you're a child. you build flimsy arguments & when they get knocked down you revert to childish insults.

no car for you this weekend, little lady.