[LanaBear]

Bottom line Skippy, you can't begrudge (which you do!!!) any woman for wanting what she wants. Plenty of men do it, so why can't women? Read some of the hundreds (possibly THOUSANDS) of threads from both men and women who stayed in relationships that they knew from the beginning they were not sexually compatible. Here they are YEARS and YEARS and YEARS later, more depressed than ever because they knew from day one that they were not sexually compatible with this person but stayed in the relationship anyways. It does nobody any good to stay in a relationship in which they are not 100% satisfied, mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually, ESPECIALLY in the early stages.

So whether Jane wants a man with a bigger than average wenis or Joe wants a size 0, that is THEIR prerogative. There is somebody out there for everybody, so why get locked into a relationship with someone who you don't feel sexually compatible with when there is someone else out there for the both of you who WILL be sexually compatible with you.

Not saying you or anybody has to agree with it, but that's just the way of life. You seem to have this deep seated disgust for any person with a vagina and boobs, this has been proven time and time again in your posts. You can do no wrong, but holy carp, anybody with an opposing view (especially a woman) is the Antichrist. YOU are the one making such a big stink over posts that don't fit into your beliefs of right or wrong. The world isn't that black and white, get over it.

Like Little stated, there is no denying that there are size queens out there, they've posted on this forum. There is no denying that there are plenty of men who want the petite size 0 blonde with big knockers. We learn to live with it and move on with our lives. Find somebody for us that is our other half, who compliments us as a person.

I do understand that you should fall in love with the person, not the "package", however, when you and someone have that compatibility, sexually, it tends to make things better for many people. Why wouldn't you want to fall in love with someone and make sure you were compatible in every way possible with them? Sexual incompatibility hurts a lot of relationships.

[TaraLynn]

Lets see, my ex husbands was about 7" long when we got together (we were goofing off with a tape measure) but as time went on and he gained a ton of weight he "shrunk" to close to about 3.5". It got to the point that i could not feel him at all no matter what position we tryed. Now, with my current husband, i got curious one night an asked if i could measure him. I found out why the trojan magnim condoms were too small. Our first time together felt like it was my very first time ever.

[Tannarie]

I know my boyfriend's size because he kept saying he was small, which he is not, (I care more about his amazing ability to use it rather than the size) so I measured it to try and show him to be a bit more proud of himself, you know to be more confident about his blessing. In the end it worked.

[Guest]

Maybe this thread is starting to die out. And perhaps that is good because, as I’ve stated a few times, I do not have the time to continue to write long replies back. So, let me just add a few summary thoughts.

I think this thread is a microcosm of larger society. There are women of higher ego development – like Fallen – who have outlined that size does not matter at all. Higher ego development, based on real psychological research, are those people who have a solid ego and can learn to think beyond their self-oriented needs (people of lower ego development begin and end their thinking with themselves in the center and can’t move beyond personal preferences and have difficulty changing oneself to accommodate others). I think there are more women in general, on and off this websiter, who are like this. Then there are the women of lower ego development that want a certain size and their answers seem to begin and end with their sexual desires. And then there are the women in the middle and other women who have measured just for the fun of it. In the end, I am left with three thoughts (1) although I do not support it, I can see how measuring can be a fun and goofy thing to do, (2) I think more women than not could care less about penis size, and (3) for those women who do (and men who care about their own size or female breasts) they communicate lower ego development when they do care. They seem more cro-magnum like, less human.

LanaBear:

Two quick thoughts about your last post.

First, and most important, I do not have disgust for women – keep in mind the obvious, this site is a site for women and there are many more women than men here. I would equally disagree with any man who argued that penis or breast size matters. In fact, overall and in general, I think women have much greater ego development than men and I have found women to be much more intelligent and empathetic, comparative to men.

Second, since you brought up the concept of depression, people with lower ego development – that think of themselves more than others – are the people who tend to be more depressed in life, than those who have flexible personalities that can balance thinking of self and thinking of others. I would argue that the majority of people who feel their sex life is not compatible are people who are either selfish in their sexual desires or have partners who are selfish. It is the concept of selfishness and ego development that are problematic, not the actual size of a penis or breasts. If you have two partners who care more about their partners sexual desires, they will each focus on the giving side of sex and in the process make sex great for both people.

[ItsASecret]

I am a curious person and you really seem to like to throw the words "ego" "psychology" and "research" around quite a bit. Ego is quite the subject to use (those with background would know how complex it gets). I have taken too many psych courses to care anymore (I hate the stuff but I am quite familiar with it) but as purely a question of curiosity and having nothing to do with penis size may I ask if you have any background in any sort of psychology or research? Or did you happen to Google some stuff over time to develop the desire to use the word/concept "ego" several times based on the articles here and there? Ego in psychology actually has it's routes in Freudian work...one odd man that guy was lol but that is the true ego development, then Erikson picked up on it and then following people like Loevinger who created some stages (there are many others with their own thoughts on 'ego' type development). It is far more complex than saying "you do not have high ego". So I am simply curious as to which ego developmental theory you base your thoughts on simply because you speak of ego so much. It would help others too to know which type of thought you support because they may be interested in the whole subject of ego development and obviously would need to be narrowed in towards information so they can follow your thoughts.

[maleview]

Skippy,
I am not sure where you are going with all of this higher ego development talk, but i agree that size has nothing to do with the ability to procreate. It seems to me that you are quite asexual believing that people should be able to rise above what feels good. I do not understand the purpose of denying oneself of what feels good in a loving relationship. Are you classifying my wife as a lower developed individual just because she occasionally likes me to use larger toys on her when she is really aroused? Or is it enough to just not care that I am not that size? She tells me she prefers me the way I am for everyday but occassionally likes a little more with the toy. I say there is nothing wrong with that. Like I said before, I think most women are fine with anything that is around the average (4.5-7") but do care when it is outside of that. I also believe there are enough women who prefer outside average to accomodate the men that are outside average in either direction.

[Ashlee T.]

Thank you maleview! A voice of reason!

Skippy - You started the thread... knowing quite well that it would be a controversial topic...also knowing quite well that you would choose not to believe at least half the honest responses from the female posters. So, let's put all this "trying to get into the core of someones psyche" aside here and focus on what's real and what we know:

1. Most heterosexual men like vaginas and/or butts and/or breasts. Some of these heterosexual men like small labia, some like big labia, some like pink labia, some like darker labia, some like shaved, some like unshaved, some like round large butts, someone like small skinny butts, some like DD breasts, some like small A breasts. Some men like a smaller framed woman, some men like a curvier "more cushioned" woman. I would say, however, that most men would not turn away a woman they loved or cared deeply for if her labia wasn't exactly what he typically preferred. Or if her boobs weren't quite as large or small as he preferred.

2. Most heterosexual women like penises and/or backs and/or arms etc. Some of these heterosexual women like average sized penises, some like smaller than average, some like larger than average. Some like circumsized, some like uncircumsized. Some like straight penises, some like curved penises. Some like big broad shoulders, some prefer a smaller frame. Some like muscular arms, some prefer less muscular. I would also say, however, that most women would not turn away a man they loved or cared deeply for if any of these things weren't exactly what she typically preferred.

We ALL (every single one of us, like it or not) have preferences in every single aspect of our lives. If I prefer chicken over beef, it does not make me a lower developed individual. If I prefer rock music to country, it does not make me a lower developed individual. If you prefer a hairy vagina with tiny labia because you enjoy the way it feels more during intercourse, it does not make you a lower developed individual. If you enjoy looking at large breasts, it does not make you a lower developed individual. If I prefer an average sized penis to a monster one, because I enjoy the way it makes me FEEL more, it does not make me a lower developed individual. If, in some crazy world, those things DID make us lower developed individuals, then I guess if YOU enjoy looking at ANY physical aspect of ANY woman that differs from your partners, you yourself must be a lower developed individual. See how ridiculous that sounds? Equally as ridiculous as trying to prove to women that if WE have preferences or things we are more attracted to than others, we MUST be selfish, lower developed individuals. Pure and utter nonsense.

PREFERENCES. Life is full of them. You have them. Expecting others not to have them is the epitomy of hypocrisy.

[Little]

IAS, maleview, and BD - round of applause! Standing ovation! The crowd goes wild!

Skippy - You fail to get the point, you fail to absorb the information given, and you attack anybody who disagrees with you by saying that they have a "less developed ego." In four words: Boo. Hiss. You fail.

Maleview said it best:

I do not understand the purpose of denying oneself of what feels good in a loving relationship.

Talk about hitting the nail on the head.
I also don't see what's so selfish about knowing oneself well enough to spare another person from having to deal with requirements they can't fulfill. That requires an ability to delay gratification, something that the most mature adult may still have problems with it. Betty Sue could fall in "love at first sight" with an incompatible person and spend the rest of her life trying to make it work between them and have her immediate gratification, avoiding the hurt of a breakup. OR she could break up, do without love for long enough to find another, more compatible partner, and live with more happiness for the remainder of her days. Scenario #2 is the more mature, reasoned person, and it does not fit with your skewed idea of what human development entails.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

One word - Maturity.

Ego development in theory is based on maturity which is growth.

Naturally a mature woman like Fallen 1 is not self centered, knows how to communicate, compromise and is in-tune with herself, her inner-self as well as her outer self and those of others around her.

It takes time to reach that stage in life, which gives wisdom....

I think you are so trying to over annalyse women and men now, for their thinking, there must be a logical reason, a scientific reason behind their decisions in life.

Why does individuality not even come into play in that thinking....

A youthful person may not have sufficient "ego development" yet is an individual and still can be mature in her/his way of thinking and not care either.

I'd stop trying to over annalyse things in life, unless you wish to be one of the writers for ever remembered for finding something out that none of us know .....

[Guest]

Here is where I am coming from.

One of the aspects of modern life that I find disturbing is the sexual objectification of people. If you want to learn about how devastating and harmful this is – and its pervasiness in modern life including websites – I would suggest a simple google search on the term “American Psychological Association Task Force Report on the Sexualization of Girls” which was published in 2007. This report, created by a group of leading experts on sexual objectification and abuse, outline the perverseness of sexual objectification and how damaging it. You can read the entire report if you want, however, the short version is that sexual objectification is when a person’s values comes their sexual appeal. That is, people are made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seeing a person as a holistic being with real emotions. Sexual objectification creates and causes all sort of harmful behaviors, such as the rationalism to abuse people and beat them, along with creating mental health disorders, such as depression (if someone is an object, you can do all sorts of harmful things to them).
When I read posts that men like women with bigger breasts (or perkier, or bouncer, etc) or women prefer men with larger penis (or smaller penises, etc.) it has clear overtones of making people into things. For example, when I read the last post by beautiful disaster (post 97) it sounds like people are shopping for the exact right things for them sexually (e.g. certain size breasts, certain size penises) – just like shopping for electronics at the local Wal-mart. One woman wants a guy with a straight penis, another with a curved one. Another person can report – without shame –that only a larger man with a 7 inches penis will do (men that are smaller or lesser) and others claim their boyfriends are even bigger, having a 10 inch penis. Likewise, with men and how they cut women into object-pieces for their desires. What people like Beautiful Disaster are calling personal preferences I am calling self-centered commidification/objectification of people. People and the development of relationships are not like shopping for a new car where you can order the exact bells and whistles to your own personal liking. So, I see many posts here that are pretty damaging. In my mind, relationships should be about learning about other people and accepting them for who they are, not seeing them as a body of commodifications for one’s person services. I think a healthier life is to fall in love with someone and then accept whatever they have. I feel in love with a woman and then accepted her breast size because that is who she is (regardless of her breast size, be I small or larger, or how bounce). I did not cut her into pieces for my liking. Likewise, my wife fell in love with me due to my personality, not because I’m larger or smaller between the legs.

I simply see much human damage on this website that I accidently stumbled on try to learn more about menopause. Perhaps I just need to let this thread and website go – I’m sure I have disrupted its normative culture, and in a sense, it’s not my website to judge. So I will respect the culture of this website and disengage

Itsasecret:

Before i leave, in regard to ego development, you are right there are many different theories of ego development. I am referring to the work of Dr. Stuart Hauser in his book “Adolescents and their families.” To Dr. Hauser, low ego development – which he calls the impulsive stage – is focused on self gratification where self is at the center or all relationships. The higher stages – known as the autonomous stage – is when people think and act on the behalf of others, in that they can make personal changes to accommodate others.