[HisGirl]

Ratty, you're preaching to the choir. I wrote the book on insecurity.

And you have a point, that title should read "some" men. I'm learning a lot here. I don't like to see insecurity in anyone, so I started the topic to give a different, more positive perspective on a sensitive issue for some.

Stillness, I love your perspectives.

[Obelisk]

(just an aside) Megan Fox (from her Transformers days) is my girl crush. I think she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

She is good looking. I prefer her before the plastic surgeries though.

Body wise almost any woman can be stunning if she is not overweight. Even if they are overweight up to an extent it's not a big deal.

Anne Hathaway 10 years ago was incredibly stunning, and close to what I would consider my dream girl. Even now she is pretty good. I loved her in The Dark Knight Rises.

You are in no position to criticise men for being insecure unless you are prepared to admit that women are equally, if not more, insecure.

Ratty, everyone is insecure about something.

I've been frequenting some of those Penis Enhancement sites, and I'm in shock that there's men with really large equipment (over 8") that still want to go bigger. A lot even admit that the bigger they get, the more they are starting to hurt their wives, yet in their minds they are "small". That is insanity.

As for women and gym's, I don't think it's so much insecurity as it is intimidation.

When I started working out 14 years ago, I was a fat kid and was very weak and very small arms.

Walking into a gym with these huge guys pumping iron made me feel so small, but I stuck to it because I realized I needed to start somewhere.

After a few years I've gained decent size. I'm still not the biggest guy there, but definitely not the smallest.

I can see how women would be intimidated, especially if they are new to the gym.

So your post is not really to do about insecurities.

And you have a point, that title should read "some" men. I'm learning a lot here. I don't like to see insecurity in anyone, so I started the topic to give a different, more positive perspective on a sensitive issue for some.

HisGirl, that's nice of you and appreciated.

I think for me the insecurities have to do more with the fact that I see sex as something that should be shared with someone you care about.

But today's culture has turned it into a casual "hook up" thing, where you get men and women perfectly happy to have sex with multiple partners in the name of "fun" and then eventually look to "settle down" with that "special someone".

This doesn't compute in my head at all. I've fought to limit my sexual partners because of this, and actually was a virgin for most of my 20's.

So to me, being with so many partners for "fun" and then looking to settle, means in my mind that the woman doesn't really care about me, but rather the lifestyle she now wants. I become merely a "means" to an end.

This is why to me, talks about "love" and "caring about someone" and "not caring about what they look like or how big their equipment is" mean absolutely nothing.

If a girl said to me "Look I've had 2 partners, and they were both bigger than you, but complete losers, and you're a good guy and not small" I'd probably be fine with that.

As it stands, it's more likely (at my age of 34) that I start catching women who spend a lot of their teens and 20's sleeping with different men and now looking for a safe, reliable guy for a family.

Those women are likely to have had at least a couple of men with really large equipment, and as long as it didn't hurt them, they probably enjoyed it, and I'll never measure up.

So yeah that's pretty much my take on the whole thing.

[Stillness]

Thanks, HisGirl. I also appreciate you, many of your comments, and your presence here.

[cathy23]

well I don't think most women go out looking for a well endowed guy, most girls just fall for a guy and she finds out later he has a larger penis.

[Obelisk]

well I don't think most women go out looking for a well endowed guy, most girls just fall for a guy and she finds out later he has a larger penis.

I was never really insecure about it until I found out how many women have been with huge guys (over 8"). It seems to be more common that the polls would make us believe.

I didn't really give any thoughts to my size before then. I just have this fear of being tiny now because of it though.

[Trooth]

I was never really insecure about it until I found out how many women have been with huge guys (over 8"). It seems to be more common that the polls would make us believe.

I didn't really give any thoughts to my size before then. I just have this fear of being tiny now because of it though.

It would seem from a lot of internet chat that it is difficult for women to understand why what seems to be a superficial concern men have keeps coming up and why it is so frustrating to try to convince us of their view on it. I have thought about this for a long time and my thoughts are still disjointed and frustrating at times but I'd like to share some thoughts I've had. It is clear to me though that this isn't really about penis size per se. Most men are deeply insecure, because from very early on most of us have been programmed to think we have to "measure up" in every facet of our lives to be considered worthy, or a real man. This is such a taboo subject most guys refuse to acknowledge its existence, lest we be found out. A lot of guys compensate by being arrogant, overbearing know it alls. Others truly overachieve to try to prove we are not as worthless as we are made to feel. Still others become crippled, never achieving, never having a truly full relationship, living in misery deep inside.

The current societal tone on penis size, while for most people is superficial and a joke, hits us very deeply and is terrifying, because in all areas of our lives, we have to perform, perform, perform, and to fail to measure up is the most shameful thing a guy can do (yes, some guys deal with it by adopting a "I don't give a hoot" facade, but at least at first, they really do but feeling helpless, they figure what's the use, I don't care anymore). The one thing we guys all long for to the core of our being is to have that one person, that one awesome mate in our lives we can come home to and not have to "measure up". To be told, again from early on, that even that person is maintaining a mental list, a scoreboard of our performance, especially as it relates to our "measuring up" in bed, just blows the bottom out of our heart and the despair is almost unbearable (I'm tearing up a little as I think about it).

That isn't meant to excuse slugs, thugs, abusive, lazy, freeloading, disrespectful awful men--there are reasonable criteria each of us should expect from a mate's performance. What I mean is he has met those things, but is being scored way above and beyond those measures.

A guy who cares about his woman strongly desires to give her ultimate physical pleasure. Unfortunately, our current society does absolutely nothing to prepare men on how to be awesome lovers. It is a lost art and only a few self taught men get there. Like the 50 cent song says, I'm into having sex, not into making love. What an awful view. Within making love, of course there can be that awesome animalistic abandon, but to make that the primary objective is a perversion of the human existence. Sadly, we men have been convinced that a man with an average or less than average penis can never, ever give the ultimate level of physical pleasure compared to a man with the same set of skills as us but with an above average penis. Believing we can never measure up with our loved on hurts very, very deeply.

But, wait. What if this belief is flawed? Consider this guys. What is the clitoris? It is physically the structure women have that would have developed into a penis if the genetics dictated it. Therefore, the nerve endings and the sensations it gives are the same as we get from rubbing our penis. Now, with that knowledge, assume you are a gay guy (theoretically, bear with me). You have a partner with a small or average penis. He pumps away at you. He pumps and pumps and pumps and you never orgasm. He feels horrible about himself. He beats himself up. He tells you over and over that if he just had a huge penis, he could satisfy you. You, somewhat confused, but feeling bad for him, say, "honey, I love the way it feels when you are inside me, but if you would stimulate my penis, I'd be very, very satisfied, cause it gives me awesome orgasms. He refuses to believe you, continues to get more and more depressed cause his penis is "too small". He agrees to stimulate your penis, you have orgasms and are 100% completely satisfied with him, you feel very connected and have not one thought about wanting a bigger guy, even if the bigger penis feel fuller it is such a minimal difference in the experience you don't even think about it and even if it crossed your mind, it certainly doesn't come close to anything worth overruling your entire relationship to try to get. But he still thinks he can't compare to a guy who rubs your penis but has a bigger penis for the penetration part. You get more and more frustrated with his fixation because you are completely 100% satisfied and wish he would just be happy and enjoy sex with you the same as you enjoy with him.

Once I viewed it this way, it became clearer to me why a lot of women are very frustrated over the continued belief that an average or small penis keeps a man from being an absolutely awesome lover. It just isn't true. Do different sizes and shapes cause different sensations? Sure. Are those differences significant enough to be a serious priority in any serious mature relationship? No. No. NO. Unless she has some serious hangup over it, in which case, you don't need her. If she demanded you buy her a Ferrari to be worthy of her company, would you feel awful about yourself because you can't afford one or would you say, wow, her priorities are screwy, good riddance!?

All of what I said glosses over the awesome fact that a woman's feeling of connectedness to her man plays probably the largest factor in her satisfaction with their love making (assuming he's got at least fair skills and displays concern for her pleasure and a willingness to explore, listen and learn (this goes both ways, btw)). A woman has a lot of trouble feeling connected to a man who can't get past insecurity, because it means he doesn't fully understand the truth about a relationship or the love making that is part of it. Concerns over penis size, or any other aspect of yourself, that persists and crosses into low confidence and insecurity that she picks up on will kill her enjoyment FAR FAR more than any physical "flaw" you think you have. For a while, I was angry thinking I was being asked to "fake confidence" which felt dishonest and didn't solve my problem, only her perception of it. Now I realize that understanding the truth which I've tried to give my version of above is the real key to real confidence, so no need to fake anything. Sure, you will meet women who will test you. Realize they don't dictate your worth as a person nor as a lover! They are allowed to have flaws in their approach to life and relationships just like we are. Move on. One will come along who has her head on straight and when she does, you'll have your head straight too and it will be great.

[Obelisk]

One will come along who has her head on straight and when she does, you'll have your head straight too and it will be great.

I stopped believing this 10 years ago. It's just psychological psychobabble. People simply settle for what they can get.

[SFlare]

There's a study that blew up all over the internet around april published by the journal Proceeings of the National Academy of Sciences, you can google it I'm sure, saying they'd proven women prefer big penis. You should see some of the headlines it produced, "Sorry boys, women like a big ole D!" Why are men insecure? How could we not be.

[jns]

Actually, it doesn't say that. It says short guys are not as attractive as a taller guy without a longer flaccid penis as it is a study about flaccid penis length and visual observations of the women rating the men. After a certain length of flaccid penis on a tall guy, the shorter guy cannot have a long enough flaccid penis to compete on attractiveness. So maybe it would be better for men to go through extremely painful bone lengthening procedures. Also, it would work much better in a society where everyone was naked. Both guys had to be attractive in the first place. If either wasn't they couldn't compete no matter the length of their flaccid penis. Also, this type of rating of attractiveness without all of the other factors, will be useful if the women go down to a glass showcase where the men are standing naked and pick out one by visual attractiveness to take home.

[SFlare]

*jns right, i agree. Female attraction is complex. But when they put out headlines like "Study confirms men's worst bedroom fears!" and "Sorry boys, study proves women prefer a big D'!", its extremely damaging and irresponsible. And it's no wonder some of us get insecure.